Am i being too harsh on yr6 son?

[YoullLikeItNotaLot]

Son is in yr6, quite bright but generally untidy, disorganised and distracted.

Is this normal and to what extent should I be involved/leaving him to it?

Example: this morning he couldn't find his homework folder. Bits of homework on dining room table and desk in bedroom. There was evidently one piece he hadn't done despite me asking him during the week had he done his homework? Should I be checking he's done his homework? I think in yr6 he should be able to organise a folder and a few sheets of paper

I've said to him when he goes to secondary he's going to have a lot more to manage so needs to be used to doing so.

He's sitting all level 6s as teacher thinks he us capable but has warned things like rushing through the paper and not reading properly or confusing his workings out in maths through untidiness will hinder him. Personally, I'm not that bothered about SATs but I think seeing how this approach can/ will affect him may be a good lesson for him.

Is this what all yr6 boys are like? Should I be doing more? Less?

Amazing things do happen in Y7/Y8 with boys - they can grow up a lot and flourish in an environment where everything isn't automatically done for them. I find that DS2's primary school is much more lenient with him than I am - helping him out and doing stuff for him - probably because they need to keep everybody working at the same pace. But I don't think it really helps him in the end. I tend to take a 'sink or swim' approach with homework - if he doesn't do it in time, he's the one who has to face the music from the teacher. Hoping when he gets to secondary that the teachers' expectations will encourage him to think for himself more.

teen - I did help him when he was smaller but I figured that he should be able to do it by himself by now. And if he can't and I then go through it with him and he corrects it, then I was concerned the teacher wouldn't realise what stage he was really at - IYSWIM?

But apparently the school still expect parental involvement....

I don't think there is a particular right or wrong wrt helping with homework (or organisation).
Helping too much can create a dependency culture and the teacher doesn't realise they are struggling.
However some 1-1 help at the right time can also be useful.

I am fairly hard core with this as from year 4 I was at boarding school so just had to get on with it.
From year 5 I have provided the correct environment and equipment to do homework, but do not nag about it. DD has to live by her own decisions about homework.

Interestingly school support me in this and on the odd occasions she has a little whine they say 'it's not your mum's homework'.
Since I stepped back she has become much better about getting on with it.

He was willing to look for his homework folder? Without screaming the house down? I'd be so pleased to even get into that starting gate. Guess I can't advise people with more normal kids.

DD is Yr 6 and like this. School is haphazard with homework, which doesn't help - I'm hoping a more structured approach at secondary will help her to respond in a more structured way.

I have two rules at the moment - she is to accept help graciously, ie I don't respond well to being huffed at if I ask what homework she has, or what she needs to take to school tomorrow. And she isn't to blame me, or DH, if it goes wrong. Other than that I'm trying to be laid back. Didn't hand your homework in and had to miss playtime? Lesson learned. Maybe.

Feeling like I'm not too far wrong after reading this thread. Thank you all. I'll post an update in 2 years

I offer help all the time but in order to get help, the kids have to actually do the work, ask for help, tell me what they don't understand etc.
DD is going into Year 9 in September. She is going to do really poorly in French. She may not even pass her GCSE. She admitted she didn't really understand this time last year and I found a website which had all sorts of help on it. She refused point blank to do any of it. I can't do it for her. I explained how important it is for her to have a language at GCSE level and she threw it back in my face. It seems to have now become apparent to her that she may not get the job she wants without a language GCSE and she has just realised that she has left it WAY too late to improve her French to get high enough up to get in a good group and get a good GCSE. It looks like the best she will get is a pass.
On one hand, I explain that she had the opportunity, I offered and was quite willing to teach her at home. She flung it back in my face. That was her decision. She decided NOT to accept the help so tough. Not my problem, I have an A in French GCSE.
On the other hand, I think that at 13 years old, it is really early to be compartmentalised into a rubbish French class for her GCSE exam which will affect the rest of her life and she doesn't take until she is nearly 17! Specially as she didn't study French at primary school and lots of the other local schools did so she and her classmates are already at a disadvantage.

It's flipping hard being a parent isn't it?

• I have always been advised by teachers that my approach is the one to take. It just saves me the stress of trying to force them to learn. They won't study at home so they get detention at school. They do the work then.