Being bullied by playground mums

[Libby456]

Appologies for the length of this!

I'm 21, I work as a TA in Year 2 and I really love my job. I feel like I have a good connection with all of the children and majority of parents but recently I have felt like a victim and I'm not comfortable with it.

A few weeks ago while doing one on one catch up a child said (as children do!) 'How old are you? My mum says you're 12 and you cant look after me properly' I found this mildly amusing but at the same time it hurt my feelings.

it's 2 mums that seem to have an issue with me, at first they thought I was a student and when I told them I was in fact a TA they were very taken aback (possibly due to the fact the other TAs are older?)

I see them in the playground pointing at me and laughing, I've occasionally heard things like 'What is she wearing' and 'I wouldn't want her in the school'

At the start of the day myself and next door's TA greet the children and talk to parents if needed, these 2 parents refuse to talk to me, when I asked mum1 if I could help her with the term dates she 'no you can't darling you wont know. Get your teacher'

On Friday, one child keept saying to me that 'my mum says I don't need to listen to you' and when I followed it up I found out it was true and was then shouted at by mum2 in front of everyone in the playground. She told me that I was calling her son a liar and I am incapable of caring for her child. I felt close to tears at this point but I remained calm and said that I'm sorry she feels that way and would she like to come in to discuss the matter.
She then continued to shout at me saying I need to stop telling her what to do before she files a complaint and gets me fired.

Obviously by this point it had turned a few heads. Staff were coming towards us. The TA in the room next to mine asked her if she could either leave or visit the head (she left) I had sort of froze out of shock until I got lead away gently by the charming PE teacher who told me not to worry because I haven't done anything wrong.

I suffer from Anxiety disorder so when it all caught up with me I spent the next 15 minutes having a panic attack. The head teacher says she will talk to the parent and address everything on Monday so I'm really nervous about tomorrow but I don't know if I'm over reacting or not.

I was bullied at school so it makes those memories come flooding back. I don't really know what I'm asking here! but kind words/advice/relate-able stories are welcome.

Thank you x

You haven't done anything wrong the othe staff are right- they sound supportive I hope they have been and continue to be so.
I think the main thing you need to do is raise this as an issue with your linemanager or head (not sure of which don't work in education) the parent's behaviour sounds aggressive and I'm sure the schools stance would be that behaviour of this kind is unacceptable.
Please speak to someone x

Sorry u are dealing with this. First the. head would have dealt with simular parents before - you have witnesses she was being aggressive and unreasonable. - there may have been issues in year 1. Some parents dont want here kids in catch up or indeed believe in schooling - neither is your doing. She sounds unpleasent trouble maker! Yes they may not like u being young but that is not a barrier to do your job. Ignore them and maybe see head first so u can tell them how upset u are - then let them speak to the parent. Not acceptable.

As for others staring ..,, think most people can spot bullies a mile off and is not a reflection of your ability but a reflection of their nastyness.,, just happened to be directed at you.

You sound lovely, wish you were in my children's school! You've written a great summary of events here, might be worth printing it out so you can give the head/ line manager a copy. I'm sure your colleagues will be very supportive and ensure that these parents are dealt with. I know of a school where disruptive parents are not allowed into the playground-their children have to be brought to them at the gate. Maybe a solution like that will be found so you can get on with your job without fear. Really hope tomorrow goes well

That's awful, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's fairly obvious from your description (the pointing and laughing) that they're just bullies. They clearly don't have genuine concerns about your suitability as a TA. It sounds like you have support from other staff members and the head so the situation should be dealt with. You sound like a lovely, caring TA, I hope my DS has a TA like you when he's starts primary.

This is not about you at all. This is about them and their terrible attitude.

You are clearly more than capable of looking after the children and doing your job well. This is why the school hired and pay you to do it.

Speak to the relevant person (I presume head teacher) about ways to assert yourself around this type of parent.

Kill the parents with kindness. Do not let them know you had a second thought about them

You will find bullies at all stages in life, you need to learn how to deal with them. Give it time, you will learn from the experience.

Agree about killing with kindness. Keep professional...and it sounds as though you have been. Don't worry about being shown up in the pkayground. You weren't. They were.
G'luck tomorrow. I find stressful things like this happen about once every half term to me. Not once (yet! Gulp!) has it actually turned out to be worth worrying about at all. So long as you've done your job properly, there isn't anything to worry about.

Thanks guys, this support is really helping me feel better. I'm currently working in this role as I have graduated from uni doing Childhood Studies, and want to have some experience in a primary school before I do a PGCE year to become a teacher so I wanted to say to the parent that actually I am more than capable of looking after your child etc but it's not in my nature to be aggressive.

It's come to a point where I'm scared to be at the doors at the end of the day and sooner or later it will start to effect the children if I become nervous in my behaviour and that is the one thing I don't want to happen.

It's really nice to have it confirmed that I'm not in the wrong! Thank you all :)

This is for your head teacher to deal with. Most heads will take this very seriously. You are an employee and as such have legal protections to make sure you are not harassed at work which is exactly what this is. If either of these mum's have a genuine concern they need to take it to the head (from the sounds of it they don't) . They do not have the right to undermine ANY staff member no matter what their role is.

You'll probably find that as this gets out amongst staff, which it will, they will become very protective of you and might pop up, hang about or wander past at morning or home times. Don't take this as a sign you are weak or incapable. Most school staff (even us hardened veterans ) know how horrible this kind of thing can be. They'll just want to make sure you are OK.

Even if your head teacher is dealing with it, you must join a union if you aren't already in one.

Make sure you write down all of the incidents, even the ones you're not too sure might have been in your own head, and give it to the head teacher. They have a duty of care towards you and they need to know the whole picture.

I have nothing useful to say but just wanted to give you a big,

It sounds like you dealt with this brilliantly. You remained calm and professional in the face of a very nasty, verbally aggressive person.

Your headteacher is quite rightly getting involved with this now. I've been a teacher for 18 years, and would still look to my headteacher for their support in a situation like this.

I agree with the suggestions from previous posters about putting the series of incidents in writing (not just the most recent one) and asking for it to be put on the child's file.

It also sounds like you have some great colleagues.

I also need to say, very gently, that this is unfortunately now part and parcel of working in most schools. As a teacher, you will come across incidents like this many times in your career, and you need to find ways of dealing with them. If you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, then please speak to your GP and seek to access as much support as possible both now, and in the future. Teaching is a very stressful job at times.

I also agree with soapbox about joining a union immediately if you aren't already in one.

You handled it really well and it sounds like you have supportive colleagues who will deal with these unpleasant women. Keep it very professional with them and make sure you're on the door in the morning again like normal. Also if a child says they don't have to listen to you, the answer is 'of course you do in school, you know that already' with a big smile and a happy face.

Unfortuantly if you go to be a teacher, you may still find parents like this and the fact you're now the teacher won't make any difference to them. I had a very tricky yr 1 class with a set of very cliquey parents one year. 3 parents complained to my HT that I was too strict with their children because they actually had to do some work rather than whatever they fancied doing (which is what had happened in Reception with a teacher who was removed and also at home too). Luckily I had a supportive head but it can really knock your confidence if you're not prepared for it.

Don't print off this thread to show the head. You could be fired for gross misconduct.

If it helps do write things down to help you keep track with your line manager.

Did you speak to teachrr about the comments from the children yet? If not don't worry about it, just remember in future to do it.

Try and find out if there's any relevant cpd training to help u with difficult parents. Some won't like it that your 22/23 and a teacher and u will need some strategies dealing with that.

I just wanted to add general support. I am also a TA with anxiety issues (although much older than you!) but I can relate to how you must have felt. I'm glad your school is supportive of you. Some parents can get very difficult with teachers, school secretaries or whoever they feel they have an issue with. It is a good idea to take another member of staff with you for support if have to confront them again.

What a horrible bunch they sound! They're showing themselves up to be twats and the teachers and the nice normal mums and dads in the playground will see that a mile off. You sound lovely and you're clearly more than qualified to be doing what you're doing - head high, big smile and pity them for being so jealous of your youth!

You have done nothing wrong. Get this thread deleted and keep a diary of any issues. Your head will support you 100%

And this is exactly why I am glad I work and don't do the school circuit

You poor thing

If I was you I would take it to your head, parents as well as children need reprimanding when performing like this on school property, it's put of order, and harassment

What bitches!!!

DD2 had a NQT in her year 2, some of the parents were just vile and bullying towards her. She had a noticeable amount of time off sick as she has severe asthma and of course it was her first winter working full time in a classroom. I think that became their excuse to be nasty and critical???? There were occasions when they spoke to her so disrespectfully in front of other parents and the dc.

However, it was wonderful to watch her grow in confidence - she always had a fantastic rapport with the dc but she stopped being a "rabbit in headlights" with the parents and became so assured and firm with them. It was a delight to watch. As for the parents who were bullying her - says far more about them than her.

She is was and still is an A1 teacher, real credit to the school.

I think you are handling this perfectly. It all sounds very infantile and my first thought was I bet OP is physically attractive. I cannot think what else would provoke such an irrational dislike.

They sound revolting. I can bet anything you like that they're all dead envious that you have the nice school-hours, termtime job that they'd give their eye teeth for. I wouldn't be surprised if they've done a few hours volunteering in the library and are feeling entitled to apply for a job that one of you (you!) won't be retiring from anytime soon.

So sorry you are having to go through this.

Is there any advice any of your colleagues can give you from their experience, I think it's useful to be polite and very friendly and cheery but only engage with parents when necessary. You sound lovely, just what I would want in my dc's school.

Please don't take the behaviour of one nasty parent personally as you sound like you're doing a brilliant job and I bet there are many parents hinting the same

You sound lovely! I teach P1 and have done for many, many years! I've lost count of the number of times parents have made me feel the way that you're feeling. There is no easy way to get over it but one thing that helps me is something that I was told at a coaching conference. We assume that because we "come from a place of good intent"-that others do also. Well.....not all of them do! Some people are simply not kind, decent or friendly to everyone. And in our profession we sometimes get the rough end of it-and have to remain professional throughout! I hope that your principal has got your back. I know that mine would! She'd take her muzzle off-in the most professional way!!!!