Advice about bullying.

[Lucyccfc]

My DS is in year 5.

A new boy moved onto our estate and started in my DS's class in year 4. They got on well for about 6 months, but then the other lad started to bully my DS. Started with name calling, then pushing and kicking and culminated with this lad punching my DS in the face (this was at home not school though).

The flash points are when they are playing football at lunch and also when they have to queue for lunch. I spoke to his teacher a few times and DS felt nothing had changed. We had a full week of different incidents about a month ago, so I e-mailed the Head teacher with a detailed account. She investigated and the other lad admitted to the bullying. She made him apologise and had his father in.

It went quiet for a few weeks, but has started up again in the last week with name calling (such as spaz, Mong, retard etc) and a threat to 'punch his lights out). I e-mailed the Head again, but as she was at a conference she passed my e-mail to his class teacher. I have heard nothing from her.

Last night DS was talking about moving schools, as he has had enough. He loved this school until the bully arrived and I feel it would be punishing my son and not the bully if I moved him. The bully's behaviour in general is not great and my DS is not the only one to bear the brunt of his name calling, hitting and kicking.

Where do I go from here?

Get yourself down the school with a full list of incidents. Talk to the head teacher. The school should have an anti bullying policy in place. They should be able to show you what they will do about it. Have they actually taken steps to address how this boy behaves? Are they being consistent? (Or does this boy now feel safe enough to do it again which suggests that vigilance has been dropped). Are they doing work within the school about feelings and how our behaviour affects others?
Push them - it may mean the headteacher needs to be a clear presence at moments of potential conflict, such as the dinner queue so that this boy knows that this behaviour won't be tolerated.

Thanks Cedar. When I have asked school how they are dealing with it, they just tell me they are being vigilant. Feels like this has dropped off a bit. I'll make another appt to see the Head this week.

Thanks

yes, get back down there in person.

Sometimes you have to decide whether you want to be right, or you want to be happy.
No, it isn't fair that your ds should have to move when it is the other boy who is at fault. On the other hand, if the school aren't going to deal with the bullying properly then your ds will continue to suffer.
(I was in a similar position with my youngest dd until recently. She was bullied at school, but the head teacher insisted "there was no bullying in her school" and did nothing (apart from to say that my dd was "too sensitive"). I finally decided to move dd once she started to ask to change schools. Early days yet, but she is so much happier at her new school that my only regret is waiting for so long.)

You need to ask to see their policy on bullying, they should have one available for you to possibly take away.

I volunteered in my son's primary and had to undergo some serious training (high standards at school) this included safeguarding, disclosure, first aid and policy

I have a copy of my school's anti-bullying policy in front of me now (I just dug it out for you)

"Bullying is the wilful, conscious desire to hurt, threaten, frighten or belittle someone else. It may be repeated often over a period of time and it is difficult for hose being bullied to defend themselves. It may be

physical - hitting, kicking, pinching, taking possessions
verbal - name calling, insulting remarks
indirect - nasty gossip about someone, nasty notes, exclusion from the group

Bullying involves power of the bully over the victim"

It then lays out preventative steps ie curriculum, and then action for teachers for dealing with incidents of bullying.

You need to see your school's own policy to see exactly what they do and whether they are following it.

All communication should be in writing and any meeting should be followed up in writing like a "just to conclude the meeting we had on X at X time with Y and Z present" etc

That way you and they have written accounts of the incidents and then it can be judged if the measures are effective or not. I hope this helps.

Thank you TheUnwilling - I am going to go onto the schools website and get the policy now.

In addition to the above, if you don't get anywhere with the head, try the chair of governors.

Agree with many of the above, you need to record all incidents and have meetings - bring someone else along as well to witness meetings (sounds bad but could be necessary) then create an audit trail with meeting notes and follow up actions discussed.
Don't waste too much time as it is your childs happiness.
I had to remove my son for being bullied, I contacted the LEA to get them to support and give additional training, which they did but it was too little too late. The school had a terrible attitude and denied a problem so I reported them to ofsted for not safeguarding properly, my child was emotionally and physically abused daily and his confidence was in shatters. Good luck it is horrible x x x