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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Bullying or conflict?

11 replies

ItIsHowItIs · 18/03/2015 13:53

How do you know if your child is being bullied or if it is 'normal' playground conflict between kids?
How would you deal with this situation when its not possible to talk reasonably to the parent of the other child?

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LIZS · 18/03/2015 13:54

If it happens at school speak to the teachers.

Original poster

ItIsHowItIs · 18/03/2015 14:08

We have spoken to the teacher, the kids go regularly and tell her what is going on but she has told them she doesn't want to hear about it anymore. She says that we should talk to the parents of the boy, but I have already tried - they are the types that think their boy is an angel, he is also a very effective liar because they always believe him....! She also thinks that its a 2 way thing, but my boys are frightened of the other boy and tell me they do their best to stay away.... The kids go alone by bus and often things happen at the bus stop which is technically not school responsibility. I went into school this morning because dts1 didn't want to go because the other boy told him yesterday he was going to bring a gun to school and shoot him and his brother.

He has come home today with a cut hand where one boy ran past him and stabbed him with a stick and a scratched face where a side-kick running after him scratched him.

OP posts:

Original poster

ItIsHowItIs · 18/03/2015 14:09

Are you not LIZS that lived in Switzerland?

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LIZS · 18/03/2015 14:16

Well that sounds rather more serious. If they are old enough would involving community police officers be an option, perhaps through the school?

(And yes , a while ago though, have we "spoken" before?)

Original poster

ItIsHowItIs · 18/03/2015 14:35

Yes, I'm Laura. we met once in Park im Grüne just before you left. DS1 was a baby.

They are 8 - twins. When things with this boy first started to get out of hand the teachers attitude was that they can be annoying and the other boy can be a bit explosive. I think that the boy is bullying them, but I don't know how to prove that it is not just playground conflict between 8 year old boys. I am trying to help them - we did a child safety course which was more about stranger danger but touched on bullying and conflict. Not sure what else to do.

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tinkytot · 18/03/2015 14:46

Had a similar thing when my son was a little younger than yours is now.

I would speak with the teacher and ask what they observe. Keep a diary of events, try to be a factual as possible 'DS came home and told me that x hit him at playtime' see if a pattern develops.

I did this, went to the teachers, they also observed the behaviour in the child and then approached the parents with the evidence. It is not a nice situation to be in but sometimes you have to intervene. The teacher cannot ignore it and the chances are it has been going on longer than your son is telling as he is at the point of not wanting to go to school.

Good luck x

LIZS · 18/03/2015 14:52

Oh my goodness, yes we've been back almost 10 years! Are you still there, is it local or IS if so?

Original poster

ItIsHowItIs · 18/03/2015 15:36

Yes, 10 years ago! DS1 is 10. Its local. IS don't tolerate anything like that (so I've heard) and a lot of kids that go local don't stay long because of bullying and fighting problems..(so I've heard!).

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Mummyfit · 18/03/2015 16:12

Agree with tinkytot keep a diary of observations, go to the school again - if the teacher is unhelpful go above her - take someone with you as a witness to prove you are being reasonable just asking for help not accusing.
I had problems with my son he was younger but still tells me about it and I had to remove him from the school as they did nothing. I contacted the LEA asking them to go ind support them with their training as they were missing incidents and not managing the situation well. Eventually I had to report them to Ofsted.
Keeping a written record and pictures of marks - its horrible to do but you need to get it resolved and know you are doing all you can. My heart goes out to you I have been there and the emotional damage can be worse than physical so you really need to keep at it or remove him x x

Original poster

ItIsHowItIs · 18/03/2015 16:50

He had a similar problem in kindergarten and we did nothing about it (the teacher didn't see a problem). At the end of kindergarten he was an absolute nervous wreck. We ended up being referred by this school to a psychologist. He is doing well now, but I am really worried that this is going to set him back again. - feel for you and your little boy too Mummyfit :-(.

The dts are doing the best to keep out of his way, but when they are in the same class its not always easy.

I was thinking the same about the diary, I was also thinking about asking the other mother to do one too so I know what her son is telling her. I thought it would be a non-accusing way of being able to open a dialogue with her, hopefully stop her being in denial about her sons behavior and to help work out how to solve the problem. They will be together in primary school for the next 6 years.... and possible longer with secondary.

I've taken photos today.

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ItIsHowItIsx · 20/03/2015 09:02

Yesterday DS came home with a bite mark on his chest from the boy (he is nearly 9 years old!). He, his brother and friend were chased around the playground by this boy and his side-kicks the whole of play time. They went and stood outside the teachers room window so the boys would leave them alone. When they were waiting to go back into the classroom the boy attacked my ds and bit him. Their friend won't go to school today. The mother of the friend has also now spoken to the teacher and finally the teacher has decided that she will get someone into try to help. We have also found out that the boy has been telling other children that he will hit them if they won't be his friend (tried this with my boys and their friend, but they refused).
I feel as if a huge weight has started to lift off my shoulders.

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