From my experiences, I think one needs to think honestly about why you are choosing a private school over a state school. There is an awful lot that money can’t buy.
I think I was quite niaive…
I’ll be brutal here first of all, because with the hindsight of three experiences. I realise that i basically chose my children’s primary education on superficial values. The worst being I realise I was a brutal snob.
This is only my take on myself, but when I came to this conclusion I was inwardly quite embarrassed. I also realised I’d not been thinking about what was best for my children. Yep. A harsh reality to live with.
This is why I made my school choices…
- I liked the idea of telling people my children go to private school. Yes. I know. Awful.
- I thought it could make them into people I was fairly confident I couldn’t. Yes. I know. Awful.
- I thought they’d make “better” friends.
- That I would make better friends
- That I would, unconsciously, be able to ‘heal’ myself of my own perceived social, academic, sporting, musical, you name it shortcomings.
With 3 children now at Uni, grammar and non-selective secondaries, from my experiences I can share the following.
What money can’t buy:
- Good teachers. In fact, from my experience, many teachers in private and grammar are less empathetic and adept at teaching the individual. I think many think it’s an easy route. Challoners is jam packed with teachers who don’t even seem to like children!
- Motivation or "availability to learn" A student's availability to learn depends largely on their motivation, learn behaviours and the greatest reality - neurology.
- Social and cultural barriers. ... Private school parents can be brutal. There will be a percentage who will decide if you have the ‘right’ characteristics and gravitas. Fortunately, I survived this but you could see it was not easy for all.
- Emotional factors that affect learning.There are the same home life challenges at any school. Family dynamics, parents relationships, affairs, drugs, drinking, violence, etc, occur equally in the homes of private and state schools. The impact on the children is the same.
- Personal issues that can affect learning.As above.
- Reality. We are who we are and our best is our best. I’ve seen many private school parents see this differently. - So much judging. Accusations. Jealousy.
- Your child will be a genius, top athlete, musician regardless of school if they have the natural propensity and YOU nurture and invest in them.
- Most of us are average. Average is excellent when applied with emotional intelligence. All the qualifications in the world won’t keep you employed if people can’t work with you.
- Facts. Cold hard facts. E.g. Neurodiversity. 1 in 4 children. This means 1 in 4 has a brain wiring that will limit how well a classroom learning environment suits them. Any classroom.
- Dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyslexia are all very real. These are called learning difficulties by schools. It doesn’t mean we can’t learn if shown differently.
- As a sweeping generalisation, Learning difficulties are better catered for in state schools because private, like grammars, measure success on grades not outcomes.
- What looks good for the school. Not the child. If you’re the parent of a child with LD it can be isolating. The school don’t want you and a lot of the other parents don’t. In case it “rubs off on their child.”
- When your child is an adult, it’s outcomes that count in the workplace.
in my opinion, the umbrella reality is, unless you are from the upper x% and you can holistically afford the lifestyle and experiences that are needed to thrive at a school such as Harrow, there are few advantages to be had from Yrs R to 6 in private school. Especially in and around Amersham where all the primaries are great.
From my experience also, the money can be better invested in your children’s wellbeing outside of school. And you will have lots left over to spend on yourself!
I look at the thousands and thousands of pounds i spent and along with many of the parents I’ve got to know over 20 years of first private schooling, I can conclude that my choice drivers were probably not the best reasons for choosing private over state.
If I had my time again, I would choose state for primary education. The uniforms aren’t as sweet and the parents evenings not do well catered, but the outcomes are hard to differentiate.
Final point. If we look at Dr Challoners, for example, many of the more “challenging” boys in my son’s year group (he is one of these) were with him at The Beacon. Like my son, many of these boys will leave the school (if they make it to the end of yr11) without the grades we hoped for/ thought we were paying for in their primary years.
Lockdown didn’t help, but I think the private school experience made them feel entitled. And away from this and cast into the bigger pool, they struggle to cope with the self regulation and learning that they actually need to learn when young to be successful.
I think it would be interesting to see proper modelled analytics of the success outcome from Challoners, cut by primary school, actual school and additional coaching, training etc provisioned outside of either school.
I appreciate this isn’t what a lot of people want to read, but I hope it is good for thought.