Called in again as Ds 7 is not being focused

[Flyus]

Hi we have been called into school as ds aged 7 y3 is struggling to stay focused at school. When asked today what was wrong he said he was bored. This has being going on all year on and off. I think he is perfectly capable of doing the work he just refuses to apply himself. There are a few friendship issues which doesn't help matters, 5 boys playing each one off against another and she has said the pressure and bullying does get to him.

I have spoken to him until I am blue in the face but he regularly slips back to this no effort state. I really don't want to be nagging him everyday which is how it feels.

He just doesn't have any desire to learn. Any thoughts before I go and see his teacher. Thank you

What are school doing about the bullying? That should be stopped immediately.

Sorry not very clear. I think she is referring to him not applying himself, not trying, getting distracted. I don't think he is misbehaviour in as such. However I guess she will elaborate at our meeting

Regarding the bullying she actually informed me about it and said they/school were aware of it and knowing how sensitive ds is was worried it was effecting him more than she thought. There is a ring leader who stops everyone else playing with his chosen child. Ds is wising up to bullies terrible behaviour generally and has taken a step back so of course he is now target of choice.

I don't think this is connected to his focus massively

I suspect it actually is.

Apparently it is a group of five of them who regularly fall out and try to get each in trouble and friendships shift daily within the group. How ever there is the ring leader who is older than the other boys, should be year 4, who controls the dynamics. Whilst this is a huge concern that I will addressing at the meeting, Ds has regularly had this feedback and I just don't know if at all I can help him

Go prepared to talk about how you can support the school. To be honest, you can't do a lot about your DS when he's not with you. And if my experience of my DS (18 now) is anything to go by, the only person nagging makes a difference to is me - my stress levels - it's water off a duck's back to him.

But if your DS sees that you and the teacher are working closely together and that you are behind the teacher, it might just make a difference. I'm thinking about some kind of variation on a sticker chart eg for each lesson in which his teacher is pleased with this work, he gets 10 minutes on minecraft at the weekend. Or whatever it is that floats his boat.

What is your DS interested in? What motivates him? Are there any subjects he likes more than others? Can you give the teacher any guidance on what makes him tick?

I have a girl at the moment who seems to be constantly off task and so I spend too much time telling her off (justifiably). At parents' evening her parents told me how much she likes helping at home, so we're now asking her to help with things in school. That way she'll get positive attention for the right reasons rather than negative attention for the wrong ones. I always think of it as being like a spiral - you can go up or down. Positive comments and attention for trying hard make the child feel good about themself and they discover they rather like this feeling and want to experience it again. Negative comments have the opposite effect and so they switch off.

Rewards don't have to be material. A couple of months ago, for example, some older pupils who were trying hard with their behaviour were rewarded by coming to my classroom to "help" the younger children paint.

Or what about a sand timer on his desk? Teacher sets the timer going and says that by the time the timer has run through I expect you to have done x. Nice and clear and with an on-going visual reminder of how much time he has left. Start off with easily achievable targets and then he'll get lots of positive praise and start the upwards spiral.

In my experience, children who have no desire to learn just haven't found what turns them on yet. I view it as my job as their teacher to find the key to motivate them. With some children it's easier than others....

Thank you for taking the time to reply Icecream. The teacher is aware that he comes alive with hands on topics ie science, ict. It's the sit down and writing subjects he loses concentration. To be fair to him I have noticed that in a couple of their English topics the subjects have been Jack and the beanstalk and little red riding hood. For the type of child he is this is far to babyish and has told her he is bored. Before Christmas she did a reward chart with him and he had rewards at home. I feel this did make a difference but it's something she has stopped doing. I will back her 100% and I am thankful for the effort she puts in to try to turn him around but I am not sure what else I can do, we have work with her, been positive, been negative, rewarded, nagged etc etc. I really like the timer suggestion and will discuss that tomorrow.

Thank you

Thank you for all of your advice. We had a great meeting with his teacher yesterday, thankfully she super supportive. Basically he is being a bugger at the moment. She has a few ideas that we will support and seemed keen to try the egg timer tactic so thank you for that. I am hoping we can turn him around.