Does it make a difference who picks children up from school (parent or chidminder)?

[cakesonatrain]

DS is starting reception in Sept. I can hopefully arrange my working hours so that I can do drop off and pick up every day. This feels important to me, so that as well as being there for him, I will be on hand for any little issues that a teacher might want to mention, for example, and I can hopefully get to know/see some of the other parents and all that.

Anyway, what I'm wondering is, does it make any difference at all to the home-school relationship/ease of communication/anything else, if a child is dropped off/collected by a parent or by a childminder/child goes to after-school club?

I can only do 2 pick ups a week, and even that helps. There are so many small things you are unaware of if you don't do pick ups at all, and it allows you to have low key communication that really helps.

In my experience...

In juniors, very little difference, unless they want to do an after school club. My DD does cheerleading and luckily she's in y5 and can walk home on that day as her childminder has other little ones who are collected around the time that DD finishes her club so she couldn't go out to pick her up at that time even if we asked her.

In infants, some parents' evenings were done straight after school finished and some things were communicated either to parents in person on collection or by notices on windows that I wouldn't have seen if I didn't go to school at all. Not all schools are managed like this though.

I had a compromise. Childminder collected 3 days a week and I collected 2 so I was still at school at some pick ups.

Thanks both. I would love to hear some teachers' views on this, too :)

I agree, I think it helps to do pick ups and drop offs in yr r and ks1, I think it helps to know how your child feels at these times and yes, the teacher could tell me things directly if needed. I did 2 pick ups myself every week but my lovely childminder always passed on any messages from the teacher and after I'd spoken to the teacher about it, the teacher would talk to the childminder directly too. But at our primary, ks2 teachers don't generally come out onto the playground and most children are fairly settled at school and the need to do drop offs, pick ups yourself falls away.

I'm a teacher too. In juniors again though.

There have been a few times that a child hasn't felt great or some other reason that I'd have liked to speak to a parent at the gate, but if they are in after school club then a note in their bag usually is good enough, or after school staff will pass on a message. And sometimes I will call home instead.

It's when parents want to have a quick word with me that they can find it more tricky if I'm in a meeting or have already gone by the time they come to collect their child.

Teacher too, but secondary

Hi there, I just know from the infants. I work from home and I pick my kids up from school. From what I see, my kids are very crabby after school (5 &7) and want food straight away and a grumble and an ear to hear about their day. I chat about their day and any problems they have. I think for that care its great if you can do it but I know it's hard. A granny or grand dad who was interested in the child would help. When I grew up a friends mum looked after me after school - fed me horrible food and stuck me in front of the TV every day. It was all I was used to so it was fine, i never felt I was missing out.

I think it depends on the child. I know children who look on going to the childminders as a playdate every day, and those whom you see their face fall every day when they look out and realise mum/dad isn't there at pick up.
And no that's not a reflection on the childminder at all in the cases I'm thinking of. In some cases it's the same person.

My DD is entitled to school transport as we live rurally and, prior to this year, I probably picked her up 2-3 days per week and the rest of the time she was on the school bus.

This year, DS is in the school nursery and not entitled to school transport, so DD has barely used the school bus.

I haven't noticed a difference in communication; the teachers and school staff are used to communicating with parents who rarely pick their children up and, as such, their communication is excellent.

DD was on the school bus a fortnight ago and she became unwell just as school finished. Her teacher contacted me by phone to warn me that DD wasn't feeling so great, so I was forewarned long before DD arrived home!

We all do what is necessary, OP. So don't worry if you need to use a childminder or ASC - a good school will have excellent communication with parents regardless of who does the pick-ups/drop-offs. Next year I will be in the final year of my degree at a university 60 miles away from our home/DC's school. Both DC will be on the school bus every day most days, but that's life!

Thanks everyone.
I guess I'm not so much worried about problems if I can't be there for pick up, more wondering if it will be at all beneficial if I can be, iyswim?

I only did the pick up once a week but didn't see really the need to speak to the teachers. For social reasons to chat with other parents - yes, it is useful. In the afternoon it is a bit of mayhem and not really the time and place for a longer discussion.

I did the drop-off for Y1 and Y2 and we could speak to the teacher in the morning. But equally the teachers were happy to get a written note. We also could email them and normally get an answer back the same day.

If there was something larger we normally made an appointment and spoke to the teacher in the morning.

DD is now in a Junior school, Y3 and we don't see the teacher in the morning anymore. Communication is actually worse for small things but again, teachers are ok to make an appointment after school which is more difficult as it means taking 1/2 day leave for me.

I think from DD's year group around 1/3 of the children are going to after school club (extern) or childminders. Another small group is getting picked up by grandparents. Then you have the children staying because there is a club going on and parents pick up 1 hour later.

So the teachers are used to not see the children's parents.

My daughter is in Reception and I am on mat leave (teacher). I have noticed a big benefit from collecting at this age is then social side. I can put names to faces, the mums (and grans/childminders) chat a bit as we're waiting for them to come out. I feel I've got to know them a bit which has helped with play dates etc. Also things like my Dd saying 'everyone goes to gym club apart from me' was quickly disproved by an ask at pick up time! And yes she is always ravenous and chatty about her day.
As a KS2 teacher I know that the collecting is very different - a lot go straight to clubs etc When I have to go out to grab a Parent about something it is hardly ever a Parent so much easier for me to phone them or write a note.
As for taking them to school everyone goes in dribs and drabs, lots use them breakfast club (and my Dd is always begging to be allowed to go too!).

This is something I definitely feel maternal guilt over.

I work 4 days a week, so do all the drop-offs, and one pick-up a week. I wish I could do more pick-ups, but I can't. I try to catch the teacher in the AM if there's something seriously pressing, but they generally prefer email for smaller things, in the first instance.

I wish I could do it all, but I can't.

I do think it is helpful for getting to know people. I do two drop offs and pick ups a week, CM does 2 pick ups, DH does 3 drops and 1 pickup. It is good that we all know who people are, etc. but just being there a few times a week is plenty, you get the contact but without the getting drawn into clique groups volunteering for school fair

Our primary puts notes on the classroom windows and I just used to take a picture of it and send it to their parents. Hardly ever saw the teachers.

I don't do any as I can't - I'd love to, but I'm working. I have an excellent childminder who goes with my questions, gets messages for me and keeps me in the loop. I am also grateful to a facebook group that was started when DS was in Nursery. Most of the parents are on that, so I can ask questions there too and they keep my up to date.

If I need to see DS' teacher, I make an appointment with her.

Also, because of FB, parents know me. I also take him to parties where I get a chance to chat to other parents.

The only difference that I can think of is your child being able to have friends home for tea straight from school.

If you can manage this in other ways eg weekend play dates then that's a good alternative.

Yes to a closed FB Group. We have one now and 40 out of 60 parents are on it. Apart from the chit-chat it is great for forwarding things picked up in the playground or where there was any last-minute information.

Be it a homework question, forest school changes, requests for the odd things to be brought in etc.

And for arranging the pub dates....

Yes to the closed Facebook group and taking to parties - both have been very good this year.

I think it also depends on the school as well. By juniors parents were all dropping and running in the morning (or using childcare) and I'd say only about 1/4 pick up in the evening. This means the school is accustomed to this and has set up its routines/communications accordingly. Whereas at my friend's school (same age DC) nearly every child has a parent picking up and dropping off every day, so school expects it and it would be hard to be the one that was different!

My son started in reception this year. I have no choice but to work 4 days. We use a breakfast club too, so only drop off to the teacher 1 morning. DS goes to a cm (with a boy from his class and 2 y3 boys) and her 3 children.

As for the social side, its a very socialable group of parents, helped of course by a closed fb group. A few of us also go to the same playgroup with our younger ones. The biggest draw back for my son is that play dates arent as easy. He goes on some instead of going to my cm, and we have some on my non-working day.

As for teacher communication, she will put a note in his book bag or send it via my cm. If we have to tell her something on breakfast club days I'll phone the office to pass it on (email is beyond them). I also arranged a meeting after school on my pick up day, for the one time I wanted to talk in more length about something that was bothering him. Another mum will message me if there is something on the white board that I need to see before the end of the week.

Ideally, I'd like to do another day for drop off and pick up, but thats just not possible at the moment.

Check what routines the school you will use have. Some allow reception parents in to classrooms in the morning and some don't. Ours did but then moved to drop at doors as it was less chaotic. A lot don't. The teacher isn't on the door, the TA is. Our teachers prefer you to email and sort a telephone chat or mtg out if anything to discuss, as many are busy post 3.15pm. Minor stuff is passed on via TA. As over 70% of parents at our school work, all communication is my texts, emails etc The pick up and play in playground afterschool thing is lovely for meeting other mums if they are about, but a huge number of our DC go to Cm or ASC - parents meet ups are via parties and nights out

From a teacher's pov, no difference at all, IME
From a parents' pov - I think it really helps if you can gt there a couple of times a week - just so you can put faces to names - of staff, of dc, of your dcs' friends. Also so you can pop in and rummage in lost property every now and then, or go in to the office if you need to query something, or ask a quick question about something you aren't sure about, without having to be that bit more 'formal' by having to write every time there is a query.

IME it doesn't matter terribly who drops a DC at school in the morning but it is immensely preferable to have a parent (and preferably the same parent most of the time) pick DC up at the end of the day. Afternoon pick up is where you get to find out what happened that day...