Parents evening help needed please.

[Newbiecrafter]

We have a parents evening coming up.

Dd yr2 is doing fine academically, I think. But I also think, she isn't being challenged.

I think she is very able and often only has to be told something once before she gets it.

She is very careful with what she does, so sometimes doesn't finish her work In the time set, so at every parents evening we have had with the school that has been the only area she needs to improve. The general theme is that she is getting better.

So, without sounding like I'm being disrespectful of the teachers, who I am in awe of and actually slightly intimidated by, what do I ask to get the most out of the 5 minute slot.

I really want to know if she is being stretched and challenged and whether she is making mistakes. At home she seems to sail effortlessly through the homework she gets and is always saying 'it's so easy'. I don't want to be a pushy parent or to be telling the teacher that she needs more, but equally don't want her to coast. She is confident academically, but if we ask her to work something else out, she doesn't like it and says it's too hard and tends to want to give up before even trying.

My big thing is I was a very bright, able child and was left to get on with it at school, so always took the easy option, plus no one was really pushing me and I have always felt that the system sort of let me down. My I aren't always hit glowing reports from the school about me, but I could have done so much better.

Of course since having my dc my brain doesn't work very well at all and typing messages on here is about all I can now manage. I know I shouldn't be projecting my own experiences onto my DD, but would really appreciate help with how to approach parents evenings and also what to ask. I felt invisible at school and the being left to get on with it, and basically not getting the same attention as other kids, has really affected my self confidence and still does, even now, at age 46.

Hope I don't sound unhinged. The other thing that I wonder sometimes is what if she isn't as able as I think she is and I've hot it all wrong?

Help!!

My I aren't hit = my parents always got...

Stupid auto correct.

I think you are already part way there to solving your own dilemma. Like you I was good at school and just left to get on with it. Got good grades but was never encouraged to push myself or go on to uni despite 3 As at A level and all As at O Level. (I eventually did a degree as a mature student and gained a professional qualification too).

However, I am so much more engaged in my boys' education and get involved in what they are doing and encouraging them from a young age so to them going on to uni after school is the norm.

I would perhaps jot down the questions you want to ask -make a joke about it - say something like I know we have a short time available so didn't want to forget anything.

Just be frank about what you have put here. Ask whether there is any extension work that your DD can do to stretch her a bit as she says she is finding it easy. Usually they set extension work for those that finish quickly for them to do whilst the others keep up. To date they may not have given this to her because of her timing issues so be prepared for them to say she is not ready yet. If there is not another parents evening until later ask for a 5 minute meeting in a couple of months to catch up.

Your involvement is what will give your daughter a measure of added value that many others won't benefit from.

At Yr2, a measure of how well a child is doing in Literacy, I think, will be how good their story, essay, recount writing is. We can probably assume that reading is above average - accurate, fluent, expressive and with good understanding - but this level may not translate to their written work.

Also, how is she with science, history, geography, ICT, the arts, music, drama, PE etc. There is a lot more to primary education than just Literacy and Numeracy (though of course, they will be the main focus.)

As a TA with Yr2, when the sixty children had finished SATs, and had worked hard for an extended time, I was given them all in small groups, for three or four weeks, in a separate room, to construct a 2m high Tyrannosaurus Rex, from cardboard boxes. The children helped plan it, brought in masses of boxes, and worked co-operatively in a very mature way. As components were assembled, they took them round the other classes, and talked about the project. While it was intended as an opportunity for the children to 'relax' after SATs, it also contained a great amount of learning, opportunities to experience different skills, and talk to younger children about what they were doing.

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Yr2 is really little more than the start of Education, and there is probably something like fifteen years still to come, so as long as she is happy, behaving and progressing reasonably well, maybe the 'extension' and 'challenges' will need to come from activities outside school, such as music.

Hello and thanks to you both for replying. I really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

HereIam, I will speak to the teacher about this and it's good to know that it's okay to question this although I still feel like I shouldn't really be, if that makes sense. I will ask about extension work too. I didn't know that's what it was called, Thanks so much.

Ferguson, DD seems to be doing well across the board. She is learning to play the piano and will be sitting her grade 1 exam in spring. Like with most things she seems to grasp her subjects really well and gets a lot of joy out of learning. Her writing seems to be to a good level but I'll find out more about that at the parents evening.

She is also doing judo and gym after school clubs and goes swimming once a week.

Her reports are always glowing in terms of her effort and achievement and contribution, but there is just something about the fact that she seems to find things easy that makes me uneasy, and makes me feel that she is maybe not being challenged. For example, if she has to learn spellings, she doesn't really have to try hard to learn them. I'm worried she's not learning to learn if that makes sense. She is a prolific reader and often walks around with a reading book and dictionary in her dressing gown pockets after school.

I agree completely that this is just the start of her education, but if I don't question it, I feel like I'm not doing the right thing by her.

I could be completely wrong, and she may simply be average, but don't know how to ask the right questions to find out where she is and whether she is at the right level in terms of work for her.

Thanks for raising the points on your reply. It's good for me to know all about the various aspects of what is involved in year 2 and I think some of my concerns or worries are from not really understanding all the ins and outs. I,m not sure DD's school do the same sorts of activities that you do, but I wish they did as they sound amazing.

Thank you both again, for your help. Xxx

Hi Newbie:

I think in terms of the parent/ teacher meeting the most useful question I had was just outright asking the teacher is there anything you think we should be working on more at home? That usually stopped the 'rehearsed dialogue' and got them to think about my kid and their good/ bad points. We had some useful suggestions out of that.

Don't settle for - you should be working on 'comprehension' Mrs. Newbie.

Reply - o.k. that's interesting - could you give me some examples of what type of thing you mean? Recommend a web-site with more info? etc....

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The pushing bit/ I've missed my opportunities bit is complicated Newbie. I get that you feel you had opportunities you didn't take advantage of - but I'm not clear that pushing your 6/7 year old right now on maths/ reading is effectively going to gain them anything much in future life.

I know many here feel I'm pushy - PSBD has repeatedly called her school St. Mediocre and said it was pants. But trust me it was. If a child leaves Year 2 unable to take 1 from 10 - that's not just their fault. If a parent comes in and says hey folks I'm concerned about this can you recommend anything - and you get drivel about how as a school we don't recommend workbooks - that's the school's fault. For us - we found an on-line tutorial, did more work at home, played lots of maths related games and as a family (and I mean my teacher brother, the grandparents, me and DH) we all worked hard and found things (games/ websites/ etc...) to help DD1.

If that's the type of pushing you're talking about then I support you to the hilt. Sometimes schools just aren't very good.

If what you're saying is that at age 6/7 you want to identify what 'talent' your child has and foster it - well that's quite a conundrum because life isn't that straightforward all the time.

Yes there are 5/6 year olds who obviously have ability - but that doesn't mean at 15/16 they will still be great dancers/ pianists/ etc....

As a parent - all you can do is encourage your child's interests, create opportunities for them to do more and help make it possible where you can. You do, however, need to understand that yes I can drag my kid around a golf course each weekend but that's not going to make them the next Rory McIlroy. In fact, from what I've heard in various tv reports - it sounds like what his father did was work in the bar at the golf course & other small jobs to earn extra money to support his sons talents. Obviously his father was quite a golfer himself and very supportive - but it was Rory himself who practiced on his own around the 18 holes at his local golf course day after day and then went on to play in junior squadds. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rory_McIlroy

I genuinely believe that a child can show talent - but it takes years of practice/ dedication/ patience and, to be honest, a healthy dose of luck before they 'achieve'. And no parent can make that short-cut for them.

my children are bright and seem to find everything easy and I am not entirely sure they are challenged however they have both learned to make mistakes thanks to spellings (not a strong point!)

I am trying to take the approach that as long as they aren't actually bored all the time and are doing better than they need to be then I will leave it alone. I WANT to demand they are taught at their level but I also want to just leave them to it and let them have an unpressured time at school if they can.

hard to know what the right thing to do is isn't it.

Hello, and firstly thanks so much for your reply.

I'm not after trying to identify if my dd has a talent. I just want to know that she is being stretched and working not just to her ability, but a bit beyond it, so that she isn't finding things too easy all the time.

She will, of her own volition, sit down and do extra things at home and enjoys doing maths puzzles, sudoku, reading, playing with her dolls, the wii, watching tv, doing jigsaw puzzles or just playing in the garden etc.

I don't want to have to really do any extra at home, but do if she is interested and asks me to help her, if that makes sense. I'm actually a big believer in letting my dc just be, when they are at home, so instead of doing more at home, I just want to be sure that she isn't just doing the bare minimum at school, if that makes sense.

I agree, completely that how she is is now, might not dictate how she is in 5, 10 or 15 years. All I know is that she is quick to pick up new ideas and concepts and enjoys learning. We have various books at home, mostly gifts and hand me downs. Some are workbooks and she and DS love to sit down and do them sometimes.

Like a pp said, I was constantly told how bright I was and got glowing reports etc, and I think I also believed the hype. I remember being left alone most lessons and being praised constantly. I went into the staff room once to see my head of year in the 4 the year, old school years, and the maths and English gp heads of dept were singing my praises. It did get to me and everyone just expected me to do well. It was only recently at some counselling sessions I had to help me deal with depression and severe anxiety, that it actually came out that I was left to it. Ignored if you like. I got ok o levels, and did spectacularly badly at a levels. I had never learnt how to learn as I was for the most part, able to just remember and regurgitate what I had heard or read. I have a real issue with low self esteem and the counsellor sort of suggested that my time at school didn't help.

I really like your suggestion of what you ask to get the school to explain stuff to me.

The school do have a sort of open door policy to encourage communication between parents and teachers, but the parents evening feels like that's when I get my chance To find out really how she's doing.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense but I really appreciate your and everyone else's help.

Nonickname, I cross posted with your reply.

I think making mistakes is really healthy when you're at school, so glad you feel the same.

It is difficult to know what the right thing to do is. It's funny; DS is in reception and I never feel concerned that he isn't being challenged/pushed but even when dd was in reception, I felt she wasn't. Maybe I'm suffering from pfb syndrome or something.

Thanks for your help.

oh they absolutely have to learn to make mistakes, they have to learn that some things require practice and sticking at them to get the sense of achievement at the end. Unfortunately for bright children or those who can already do things on entry to school they tend to automatically just be able to do things right so they can struggle to learn the work ethic required to plod on through the things they inevitably will find difficult at some point or to learn that nothing bad happens if you make a mistake or get something wrong, it is a part of the learning process.

I think all children are different so where you say that you don't feel so much with one child not being stretched as you do with the other it could purely be to do with their personalities.

If you have a child who is quite happy and is occupying themselves etc at the level they are being taught at then is it really a problem if the work is a bit simplistic for them, some children will push themselves and will just automatically take it to the next level. Others however need that bit more 'allowance' or guidance that they CAN take it to the next level when they are perfectly capable of doing it, others have a personality that means they need a challenge to be happy but aren't so good at providing it for themselves. So you are purely reacting to their individual approaches to learning things. I am pretty sure my 2 are of equal or near equal intelligence, both are bright, both are eager to learn and to please their teachers, both are surprisingly competitive but one needs pushing because if the work is easy she is inclined to do the bare minimum required whilst the other would automatically take it to the next level but equally the other one gets upset if the work is too easy, she NEEDS to be exercising her brain (the one who would do the bare minimum she can get away with is more than happy to sit and occupy herself in other ways without taxing her brain any more than she needs to)

2 things I think:

1. She isn't you! I have to tell myself and dh that all the time about my kids. We do tend to project a bit too much I think. Perhaps you worry more about your dd as she is a girl, and you are a girl. You identify more with her and think she will feel as you did.

What do you specifically regret? That you didn't get enough attention? That you didn't get the grades you could have got? I think if your dd is intelligent and motivated, she will do well. I speak as the Mum of a very clever ds2 who is working way above most of the class but coasting to some extent (he is y1). He could be a lot more 'pushed' at school and at home but I see little point, because of my previous point and:

1. I don't want him to do GCSE's at 10 or enter Britain's most precocious child competition. He is doing fine. He enjoys school, he is happy. He could probably be working a level higher or doing joined up writing, or even learned all times tables by now, but I just think: what's the point? He enjoys school, he's not bored, he has a great time playing. Let him be.

I see little point in pushing anyone to there limits. Primary school should not be about that. And children of that age finding things easy? The amount of times I have heard that being said by children. When the reality was they hadn't grasped it at all. How is she as a reflective learner, identifying her own next steps? A skill worth developing so she isn't depended on praise and attention of teacher. If she is bored it is an issue - if not just leave her be.

Thanks for your replies. Sorry for not checking in sooner.

Nonickname, your post makes a lot of sense and helps me understand why maybe I worry more about DD than I do about DS. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Merry, thank you too. I think maybe I do have some baggage when it comes to this andi need to try and remember that dd is not me and that the school system is not the same as it was when I was at school.its hard to explain what specifically happened at school, but it was only at some counselling sessions that some of this stuff came out. I think I was left quite a bit at school to get on with stuff. Never really guided or pushed as it was felt I coped well. When I eventually got to having to actually learn stuff, I really struggled. I did okay in o levels but a levels were an unknown qty. I never made mistakes and never had issues understanding concepts and retained info really well and easily so o levels were a doodle. A levels however, not at all. In all my early school life, I had regurgitated what I had learned with ease, but in a levels having to apply research and fact finding by myself much more was very much unknown and uncomfortable.

Poppy, thanks for taking the time to reply too.

I don't really want DD to be pushed to her limits, more that she is making mistakes, learning the positives that come from that, so that she is better able to deal with that in future. Also, she is that child that does need to be encouraged a bit more to try slightly trickier stuff rather than just doing what she knows she can. I know she's only 7 but I don't want her to always be taking the easy option and that's all really.

By way of an update, the parents evening was last week and it went pretty well. Her teacher actually told me she had noticed that DD is sometimes unwilling to try trickier questions, in say maths, and that she knows she needs a bit more encouragement to have a go, so instead of letting dd chose for herself in lessons where they can choose, she is trying to encourage DD to 'have a go' in an I pressured way. I think because DD can be overly meticulous she doesn't always finish the number of sums say, so dd tends to go for the ones she knows she can do so that she is finishing more, if that makes sense. Basically, the stuff I was worried about, is a slight issue, but her teacher seems to know her well and is encouraging dd to try and that it's okay to make mistakes.

I'm not sure if this makes any sense. But, the upshot is that the teacher has the measure of my DD and I feels like she has things under control and knows DD so I feel very grateful to her for explaining it all too me.

I'm also grateful to you all for your help. After the parents evening I decided that I won't worry too much any more a bout the academic side of things. I think I didn't understand how they teach to accommodate all the different children and I feel much more aware of what goes on at school.

I am in awe of teachers. I really dont know how, in such large classes, that they can fit lessons to meet all the individual needs. This def wasn't my experience when I was at school, and thankfully I can't see it being an issue for my DD.

Thank again for all your words and advice. You have all really helped me get the most out of the parents evening.