Being part of the school community when you work full-time

[dodi1978]

I wanted to run a problem past you that is increasingly bugging me. even though it is still more than two years away. My DS is 18 months and will hopefully go to the local infant school just down the road. He'll go to school being just four, being August born.
I will likely to continue working full-time then, for various reasons, which may mean breakfast club or some other form of childcare before school, and an after-school club. How do you ever become part of the school / local community when you never get to meet other mums and dads at the school gate? How do you ever have the chance to set up play dates etc.?
Any tips / advice on how it all works? I also was not brought up in this country so don't quite know how the "school thing" works here!
Unfortunately, DS will also probably not be able to attend the pre-school that is attached to the infant school, as it is not full-time... so there will be little chance of making friends locally before starting school. He is currently attending my workplace nursery, which he loves, and will continue to go there until school starts.

I would say summer/end of term party. Round here the height of the party season seems to be Sept/Oct with so many children having birthdays around that time!

Volunteer for the PTA/Friends, Govenors, run a stall at the summer fair, help at Christmas Party, accompany school trips etc. Some of these only need be a couple of hours commitment, but will get you involved and your face known. I work almost full time and try and do as much of this stuff as I can. Hrlo facilitate a sports event yesterday and met another parent who works full time. She'd only managed to come because she works at the school the event was at.

I would say not to panic. In your situation you're not going to make great friends instantly so don't feel downhearted if everyone else seems to know each other in the playground. Over time it's completely possible to build up relationships via weekend parties etc, as others have said. I know plenty of wohm mothers who've done it. Our classes always gave out a list of contact emails and phone numbers so I would text or email the relevant mum to set up playdates, quick and easy.

If you've any scope at all to do even just one drop-off at the 'normal' time, do that. You'll quickly see which parents are collecting children from your child's class, and you're just going to have to be brave and go up to them and say hello.

Yes to accepting invitations. Also if you dc wants a playdate, get them to put a note in their friend's bag with your number on.

Now, the PTA . I am giving up on having anything to do with our PTA other than going to events that my dd fancies. What a shocking attitude. I have tried to get involved, but because I'm not a part of the nasty coven of witches that run the PTA, my volunteering to help has gone ignored.

I'm sure all PTAs aren't like this, but ours is absolutely awful, and some of the women involved are downright nasty.

Oh Manchestermummy that's dreadful. Ours is always welcoming and we try and buddy up old and new volunteers. I didn't get involved at first as I was wary that everyone knew each other etc but then realised that was far from the truth. Met a great bunch of parents from all years who a

Sorry - great bunch of people across all years who all only know one or two others really well. I am always now wary that people think I am one of a PTA clique as I do help out lots. I am not - I work FT but help out in order to keep it going lol

Personally I wouldn't join the PTA if you work full time. They meet in the daytime and will need lots of stuff doing during the day, if you are a committee member.
Instead, let them know you are willing and able to help when you are available - make clear that isn't in the daytime, but you might be able to help out at evening events etc - make it an ad hoc arrangement.
PTA probably isn't best way to get to know people anyway. Yes to getting there once a week,yes to accepting all play date invitations, yes to being really friendly and chatting to lots of people in the very early days and before child starts school and meeting up with people over the holiday beforehand. And yes, to accepting that you simply can't be as involved and as close to all those people as those who are there 10 times a week, you just can't. It doesn't mean you can't have some involvement and be part of the school community, but you will never be at the heart of it. And that is absolutely fine!

Erm, not necessarily Chocolate.

On our PTA, all of the people holding officer posts work to various degrees and most of the other members work too.

We hold one meeting every three months during term time straight after school and the other two meetings are held in the local youth club at 6pm and the pub at 6:30pm to try to allow every body to attend.
We occasionally need to do things in school during the day but it's 3 times a year and two of those are the summer and christmas fairs.

Our PTA, mix of full time and part time and stay at home mums, has a so-called Volunteer Bank. You provide your email address and they contact you when they need people. That can be for a day event like the Christmas fun afternoon or an evening one like the disco or the firework.

There are some daytime events like introduction coffee mornings and obviously the chair etc meet with the head teacher during the day for discussions how the funds raised are used.

But - I wouldn't call it a "meet people" activity. These are normally always the same mums, the children may not necessarily in your child's class or even year group.

I help out, not always and often not all the time, but apart for chit chat I don't think I can remember a lot of the various people.

I think the PTA is a very good way to meet people outside your year group, i.e. further up the school, that way you get to know a lot more about the way the school runs, what the teachers are like etc, whereas playdates etc you only get to meet the other parents in your year.

I would suggest you might want to drop to part time - I struggle with ds being at school and I'm 4 days a week! I feel I want to be there for him more as he's shattered when he gets home after the childminder.

Our PTA are SAHMs without exception.

Anyway, I don't think it's necessarily pt v ft here, it's the hours you do. When dd started school she did breakfast club three days and I felt isolated. We decided to make full use of our flexitime schemes at our works and shared drop-offs meaning we met parents. I've made some good friends this way.

The other thing is if you use out of school clubs and ever have the opportunity to pick up at normal times, even if you've paid, do that. Dd1 loves it if I pick up at 3.30 on an after school club day.

Your school might even have an online community. Our PTA does (and I resist all urges to post pa comments on their numerous "we need your help to run this event if we like the look of you" messages).

Being sociable in this instance does require effort.

Iggly allow me to disagree. Working pt or ft is a important decision with several factors to consider. Being part of the pta is pretty low in my list of priorities tbh so personaly i would not drop to pt for that reason.

I didn't suggest going pt to join the pta. It was a general point about when DCs hit school age. If you can afford it, even if it were to compress hours or drop to one day a week, it makes it marginally easier.

Drop down one day not drop to one day.

Everyone on our PTA works almost - so maybe 50/60 volunteers. Discussions are via FB group as well as mtgs. Mtgs are 8pm in pub with function area as so many work ... We are a city school

Do any teachers come to meetings at 8pm Some? We have our evening meetings at 7 because some teachers come to it, the parents would like it later, but the teachers say 7 is the latest they are prepared to do it, not unreasonably. We alternate with daytime ones, obviously they can't come during the school day because they are teaching, although the HT usually manages.

throw a big late birthday party in late September. Meet everyone. The set up a Facebook group for your year group.

it's possible to do an early term party if the school will give you a list of first names and the teacher will pop them in the bags. DD was 5 on her first day in reception (weds), invites in bags on the Thurs and pretty much the whole class turned up for the party in a hall on the sat. several parents said they enjoyed having a chance to chat and dd received loads of party invites over the following months.

can you slightly tweak / compress your hours and manage just Friday pick up? personally I do find if helpful being able to speak to the teachers and put names to faces. or even time to rummage in lost property for misplaced pe kit .