No idea what to do/believe

[JammieMummy]

I don't want to give too much info (so as to be identifiable) but also don't want to drip feed so bare with me a bit please.

DD (my PFB) is 4.5 and in reception. We were asked into a meeting with her school earlier this week where they tell me that she struggles to sit still and focus, but that she is taking all the information in and they have no concerns about her ability. They also tell me that she is a confident, happy child with lots of friends and very social but they are very concerned that she sometimes refuses to read, can be slow doing certain (non academic tasks) and the fidgeting. They tell me this is very unusual and she should have settled down by now as they are one term into the year. As she is my first, I have no benchmark as to where she should be so I accept them totally at their word.

So we agree to have her assessed. I am very proactive so have a tick box questionnaire from an assessor with them the next and it is returned to me, filled in, today.

I am flabbergasted by their responses! They raise issues which were never discussed with me, including a number which I know are not true such as her speech is delayed (it is actually advanced!) and she has issues socialising!! Something which two days earlier we were told is not a problem at all!!

For me this now calls into question everything we had been told before and I wonder if I am wasting my money on an assessment but also hugely concerned as to why they would write such things!! I have spent all evening torn between anger and bewilderment! I am going to go and speak to the school tomorrow but say what??

Hi Tiggytape and LIZ, don't worry I haven't just dismissed all the concerns and I haven't ruled out having her assessed. The assessment has been put on hold until we can get to the bottom of what exactly is going on (I thought I had said that). DD has three teachers the one who filled out the form has her for less than half the week and the other two (one of whom is the person I spoke to yesterday) do not have anywhere near the same concerns about DD. There are still the fidgeting concerns, these have not disappeared.

What is very strange is all three were in the earlier meeting and not only did they not raise a socialisation issue they said that there were no issues with her socialisation at all. They said she was confident, got on well with all her peers and was a very kind, gentle popular little girl, this is in direct contrast to what was written two days later on an official assessment form. This alone is enough for me to question other things that have been said and to want to know why the teacher wrote this and if she can (for want of a better word) justify her comments.

The other two teachers equally have absolutely no concerns about her speech, they said she has very good vocabulary which is beyond her years but her physical speech is age appropriate.

I would also like to point out that I never demanded to hear nothing was wrong! I asked if the answers given could be explained to me as they were so far from my experiences of DD. I am open to the fact that she reacts differently in school for any one of a number of reasons but (as said before) one day we are being told, not only is there no issue, but DD is doing well at something and then two days later it is not just a concern but a massive issue which needs to be investigated.

TiggyTape makes some good points.

However, there is nothing in the description of your dd that indicates anything to be worried about.

Because anyone who knows anything about child development and learning knows that 4 and 1/2 yr olds "fidget" and "find it hard to sit still and focus", dc who are of Reception age (in the State Sector) should all be following the EFYS (Early Years Foundation Stage) which is a curriculum that follows the child's lead, and involves lots of play and physical movement, including spending a lot of time playing outside.
Often - and I know all private schools are individual and not the same - but very commonly Private schools try to make young dc sit for longer periods than is sensible, and the education can be far too formal for the dcs developmental age - so it's no wonder they fidget.

I would try to have another meeting with all staff that work with your dd though, to clarify if any of the other issues mentioned are perceived as issues by other staff, or what the concerns are that the one teacher has.

It's important to get the concerns finally agreed and formally written down, and then prepare followup actions from the school and parents, as private schools have a habit of blaming parents for any past and future shortcomings.