Is teacher making too big a deal out of this or have I been insensitive?

[clearsommespace]

Reeling slightly after a meeting with DC (age 10) teacher.

A couple of days ago it was discovered that two chocolates were missing from the class advent calendar (names drawn out of a hat to open a window each day). Whole class lectured about stealing. My DC was concerned that two children would go without so asked if they could take two wrapped chocolates from a tin we have at home.

Teacher called me in 'shocked' and 'distressed' that DC and I would think that she would let two children go without a chocolate. (Apparently the head has some spares and there are other classes where there are less than 24 pupils.) Twenty minutes 'chat' about it, making DC and I feel guilty about implying the teacher is heartless and unfair when DC only wanted to do a good turn. I did tell teacher that wasn't our intention, I hadn't given it that much thought. In the morning rush I was just pleased that DC was being generous.

After chatting to DC about, the teacher did point out during whole class lecture that the consequences of stealing meant other people went without and DC had checked with her friends that she was not the only one who interpreted it that some children would go without advent calendar chocs.

So am I insenstive, not aware of how my actions make other people feel or was the teacher making an overly big deal out this. It seems to me she is highly sensitive to any implied criticism.

Perhaps I am too, I'm quite upset that the teacher could interpret the taking in of chocolates in such a negative light!

Jeeze! I'm a teacher and if one of mine brought in extra chocs (after the 'this means 2 people will have to go without' speech that I also would have done) I'd have made a big fuss in front of the whole class about how generous they were thinking of others and that behaviour like this cancels out my sad feelings about the stealing blah blah. I would also have had a quiet word with him later just to make it clear that while he was being very kind that he didn't need to worry as I wouldn't have let anyone else go without.

I think it was very kind hearted. Lots of children would worry that their friends and peers might go without.

The teacher is being very strange.

To be fair she did ask if I had time and as I wasn't working today and have finished my Christmas shopping I actually did!

Utterly ridiculous. Your children were trying to do a nice thing. I'd be a bit pissed off if my dc's teacher did that.

It is a couple of days before the Christmas holidays. The teacher over reacted. She is under a lot of pressure this time of year. Your daughter was being kind, and is a kid. You have a lot on your mind too. We can all make a better decision if we have less to juggle, think about. What is the teacher usually like? It is her fault. She completed over reacted. I hope your daughter doesn't take it to heart and realised we all make mistakes. She should have been commended for what she did, it was so kind and children are too young to undermine anyone. Parents do, but it seems you weren't fully aware of what had gone on yourself and had your hands full.

She overreacted, but it's very likely that she'd already dealt with some parents who have heard the story demanding that she make sure that all children get a chocolate and no one misses out, and she's annoyed with the assumption that she would allow that to happen. She handled it badly, she could have just thanked your daughter and added the chocolates to the general pool of chocolate that floats around schools at this time of year.

The teacher is crazy!! In our school if that had happened the teacher woukd have been thrilled and proud that a child had been so generous as to make the offer. They wouldn't accept it because they would have a contingency in place, but the child would certainly be publicly thanked for their generosity and it would be part of the message to the class that THIS is how to behave.

I do moan abour our school sometimes but when I read things like this, it makes me grateful.

Your dc is a credit to you op.

"Shocked" and "distressed" - the teacher sounds incredibly highly strung, and also more interested in how she is viewed than in the children! Not ideal personality traits in a teacher

My 7 year old ' s teacher insists the children remember what the homework is - they start school at 6/7 here, so weren't supposed to be able to read or write to write it down, and they get daily homework (but not always the same task)

Sorry ignore second paragraph - scroll down phone screen problem. .. went off into a rant but here is not the place, thought it was all deleted when I pressed post!

The teacher sounds unhinged!
20 minutes spent lecturing a child and patent who were trying to do something kind? You'd think she would sobering better to do with her time.
I hope you have reassure your dd that she did a wonderful thing and she mustn't let 'over tired' teacher's lecture, stop her from repeating her kind actions.

*something not sobering. maybe that was her problem!

Funnily enough MrTumble I spoke to another class parent this morning who is a PT primary teacher (hence our paths not crossing earlier in the week). She said that she felt this particular teacher was overly concerned about how she comes across, opinion formed after recently accompanying a class trip (as a parent). There had also been a student teacher on observation that day so I can imagine how having other adults who are involved in education present this would magnify this trait.

Anyway, DC and I are fully sorted in our heads that we didn't do anything terrible and now I'm aware of this trait in this teacher it'll help me in the way I handle any future interactions with her.

As a teacher I would have mentioned briefly to you what a lovely thoughtful child you had but made sure to (quietly) point out to her that I wouldn't let anyone go without but had been trying to make a point about the consequences of stealing. At 10 they should get that when it's explained to them.

Utterly bonkers behaviour. Did you just sit there like

The teacher handled it badly.

What she should have done/said, "Oh how lovely! Aren't you thoughtful and generous. But don't worry, I already have two extras for the advent calendar. You can take those home to your mum."

I assume that she is going over in her mind whether she handled the stealing incident well, wondering if she said the right things etc. and when your DC brought in the sweets, she was defensive because of where she was at in her own mind.

I think she sounds stressed

Not 'crazy' or 'highly strung', just human like the rest of us

All I will say is what a lovely, thoughtful child you have...IGNORE the call/lecture feel PROUD how well YOU have brought your child up to be so caring - end of dont let this bother or spoil your Christmas :)

Weird reaction. I would have thanked the child for being so thoughtful!