DD going downhill fast in Yr3 :(

[Treacle1972]

My seven year old has had a few problems with school ever since she started. She has problems making friends, although is very friendly, and often daydreams and misses information. Her problems began in Yr1 when her teacher voiced concerns about her uncontrollable emotions and self exclusion.

In Yr2 she had a lovely kind teacher who adored her and finally seemed to settle down and enjoy class most days. She had an Ed Psych assessment at the start of the year, and the GADS test for aspergers but neither investigation told us much. She is a "loner" and very bright according to them, but had finally seemd to make a few friends and seemed well liked.

Since moving up to the Junior school though it has been non-stop tantrums, rebellious behaviour and misery. Her teacher is a bit of a witch if I'm honest - pleasant enough in real life but in class her voice is constantly pitchy and stressed. She shows no affection or kindness and even praises in a strained voice. I spend and hour to two in class every morning getting DD settled in and working, and with my support she is fine. On days I cannot be there though she tantrums, rebels, tears up work, refuses to take instruction, won't ask for help and - in the words of her teacher - "disturnpbs the whole class".

I have sat with the SENCo, the FSW, the deputy head, her class teacher and THRIVE teacher, and made plans with them to support her. We've changed the way she works to allow her privacy and calm (she is very easily distracted and upset by noise) and made loads of allowances for her, but still today she was sent to the headmaster after refusing to work and "causing a disturbance in class".

I am losing it frankly. I can't figure out what the problem seems to be. She is happy at home and begs to stay with me rather than go to school. I was depressed for over a year and believed this was the cause of her problems in Yr1 but now I am better I am really struggling to explain her behaviour. I have given up work so I can go into class with her every day and pick her up myself to avoid her having to go to after school club. i feel like I'm doing everything possible and it's just not enough :(

Your poor DD, and poor you.

I don't think you going into class every morning is the solution here. I think it is time the school should be stepping up and providing additional support. If she needs help settling every morning it really should be a known, trusted member of school staff, whether it is a welfare assistant or the class/ year group TA. Does your DD have a trusting relationship with any adult in the school?

Nobody can diagnose anything on the internet but these do sound like the sorts of behaviours and difficulties you would see in a child with high functioning autism, especially if they were 'all at sea' during a transition or whilst without someone they had a good relationship with.

If many in-school interventions have been tried and are failing, it is time for outside support. Maybe your next questions should be who they are going to make referrals to and for you perhaps a trip to the GP to request further investigation of potential underlying causes?

I can sympathise. My dd is 8 and sounds a little but like yours. She does go to school reasonably happily but once there is in tears about little things on a daily basis. Managing the ups and downs of daily life is a source of great anxiety for her.

I don't have anything wise to say but in our case I suspect my dd may have very mild aspergers. But I have not had an official diagnosis yet.

I don't want to barge in suggesting diagnoses or anything, but my DD sounds similar, and we also thought she had something along the lines of Aspergers. The results on that were borderline, but what she does have is ADHD. Impulsive, easily distracted, trouble controlling emotions...it might be worth considering. It sometimes looks a bit different in girls, so isn't always recognised as quickly as in boys. I hope your GP can help - ours did.

Another suggestion as my dd has been similar but not sounding as bad as your dd is dyslexia, my dd is now getting assessed for it after 3 years of me asking she was playing up and making excuses to not do work and join in and it's because she is avoiding doing written work, she feels isolated and confused in class.

I'm shocked that you're going into school to offer the support. why aren't the school offering the additional support and paying somebody to do it? it sounds like your daughter has got used to having you in class and is playing up when you were not there. Is this a possibility? It sounds like she is having a tantrum when you were not in the class and because you are not in the class!

Maybe MM has a point.

I worked in primary schools as TA / helper for over twenty years, and for children who do have these kind of behaviours it is very difficult for adults to understand and help resolve what the real problems are.

I looked at your Profile, and it seems very out of date. I also 'searched' for you, and only found this one post. (some people have well over a thousand!) Is there a Dad on the scene, siblings, other family members?

Has her vision and hearing been fully checked, as it is difficult to perform in class if you cannot see/hear properly? Does she have a good diet, and sleep properly?

What experiences did she have before starting school? Are there subjects or activities that she does enjoy, and make an effort at? PE, games, drama, music, ICT?

I always believe children don't WANT to be the 'odd one out', to be in trouble, or under performing when they see their peers happy and making progress. But something inside them prevents them from settling and feeling fulfilled.

Perhaps consider the queries I have posed, and see if anything there gives a clue to her personality and behaviour.