School Application Disagreement separated parents

[Bluebirdpie]

Also posted in legal section...

I'm hoping someone can offer some advise or perhaps just an outside opinion mate new options I hadn't thought of. I really want this to be resolved amicably outside of Court for obviously reasons, stress, finances etc but my ex is refusing to discuss and has threatened Court action if I don't agree with her. Also interested in opinions of what a Court is likely to make of this.

We have two daughters in year 1 and year 2. Both attend the Infants school (reception-year 2) in the village my ex lives in. There is a court order for the house she lives in (jointly owned) to be sold after Xmas as she has defaulted on the mortgage and if not sold it will be repossessed. It's likely to sell quickly. Local rentals are very high (much higher than the mortgage) and so she will have to move out of the village to a nearby town. I live in a nearby town (15 min drive from current school). Neither me or my partner drive so we get the bus to school- which is hard as it's a village service, rather infrequent and often cancelled meaning we have to get the early bus to ensure we are at school on time. My ex drives and has a car.

A school application for a Junior school for our eldest needs to be made by mid January as her current school is infant school only up to year 2.

My ex wants the application 1st choice to be the Junior School next to their current Infant school- in the village. Her reasons being that dd1 needs to stay with her friends, she is going to try and rent in the village next year once the house sells (says she will try and get a bank loan or ask for monthly help to be able to afford rental there but she hasn't done this to be able to afford the mortgage and village rental is very expensive so I think it's unlikely and more than she objects to the children being at school near my house - she's said before she'd rather it halfway to "be fair". ) Also that dd2 will be there for another year and doing two school runs will be impossible for a year.

I would like to apply for the local school near to our house as it's excellent and sought after and Ofsted Outstanding. It means dd1 doesn't have to get the bus to school, she can easily make new friends and although it means 2 school drop off for 1 year it's better than another 5 years of primary school with both children doing the school run by bus. There's a before and after school club for dd1 to attend for 1 year just 30mins a day while dd2 is collected/dropped off until dd2 join her the year after. She already knows children there as her Brownies group is near our house and the children are from that school and her Sunday school too. The Juniors next to the Infants in the village isn't great, below national average progress made and a less than amazing Ofsted report (not the be all and end all I know!) I just don't see it makes sense to have children in a school in a village where neither of their parents live.

Does anyone have any ideas? What factors will a Judge consider if we do have to ask a Court to decide? I've emailed her and asked her to meet to sit down as weigh up the pros and cons but she refuses and says the only option is the Junior school in the village and will not discuss.

Have name changed for obvious reasons.

How on earth is it going to work when there are other children involved?

I'm trying to imagine a situation in which my sister and I, my mum's partner's children and my dad's partner's children all stayed in the same place and the adults rotate. It wouldn't have worked and not just because it was inconvenient for the adults.

There is an argument to be made that it may be less disruptive for the OP's DD to move schools with the rest of her cohort next September. But I think that you could equally argue that since the OP has custody of the children, they are attending activities in the area they are now living and quite possibly will be attending secondary in that area, that changing to attend a school where they now live rather than travelling to where they used to live might be less disruptive in the long run.

Have you tried speaking to your solicitor about some sort of official mediation? Is it possible that she's trying to call your bluff by threatening to take you to court?

Really not an option to move to the jointly owned property. Small house 2 bedrooms one is a box room. I have my two girls with my ex, a toddler son and a baby on the way. We can't all 6 of us live there, simply far too small. To be honest it's ridiculously expensive to live in the village and the local rental costs is almost double our rent here outside the village else we'd rent in the village.

Ultimately, a school application has to be made- it's essential as otherwise she won't get a year 3 place. I'm going to suggest mediation but she has refused before so I'm guessing she will refuse again. Someone has to choose which school, well actually a few schools in order of preference as there's a (small) chance she won't get a place in the Juniors in the village as we are so far out of catchment. Ex wants me to only out that one school on the forms, which is rather irresponsible if you ask me. I really can't afford to go to Court so I may just have to wait for her to make a Court application

I would have thought it best to move both DC to the school close to you. A mid year transfer can be perfectly ok. My DC did mid year transfers and liked the extra attention. Being able to walk to school is fantastic and something your DC will apriciate as they get older.

Is it possible to discuss it with someone at one of the school involved. Your family won't be the only one to have gone through this type of thing. Might your ex listen to a impartial professionals viewpoint?

BTW - I'm at all the posters who seem desperate to criticise the OP. If the sexes were reversed some of the posters would take a very different view.

Does your ex need to live in that village for work or other reasons?

What is the situation with secondary school provision in the future? Are the options the same whether they were living with you or your ex?

It appears to me that, given that the children are resident with you throughout the week and only see their mother for 2 weekends a month, and that you are unable to drive due to medical reasons, it is far more sensible and in their best interests for the future that they attend a school close to your house.

If your ex can't afford the mortgage and can't afford a local rent, then it makes sense for her to move somewhere cheaper.

Courts seem to be somewhat unpredictable, but I would hazard a guess that they would go with your suggestions:

• you are the primary carer and children are resident with you during the week. CB is paid to you.
• you have a stable home, whereas ex has a court-order against her and her house is likely be repossessed so not a given that she will still be living there.
• school near you looks better on paper than the other.
• school near you is potentially better socially for children and avoids the need for public transport.
• school near you is likely future school for half-siblings (may or may not count).

I would suggest inviting her to attend mediation in writing (if she refuses then this will not look good to the court).

FWIW, my DD has moved primaries and never had problems making new friends. At this age it's far easier than later on when friendships are more mature. If the secondary school options from your address would be different from those from your ex's, then the children will not be moving there with all their friends - better a move now than having to do so at 11.

Good luck.

I want to check you've got this straight: at present you are RP, and the DC spend most of their time with you.

They still go to school in the place where you used to live, and where NRP currently lives (but may be forced for financial reasons to move away from soon). NRP may or may not stay near current school.

There may be changes residency, but there is no current scenario proposed where you have under 50% of time.

I think it would be eminently sensible for you to apply to a school close to where the DC actually live (and DD1 having to move on from infants is a natural break point time to do it, so least impact both socially and educationally on her). If mediation fails, then I think you would stand a good chance of persuading a court, as the NRP's argument (unless I'm missing something) would simply be continuity, which may well not be a strong enough reason (for many children move) unless there are other factors.

(Sorry, that should read 'check I've got it straight...')

I had a similar issue with XH and I disagreeing on choice of primary school for DS. We both lived within the same local authority but different school catchments. I spoke to the school admissions team about it, they were very helpful might be worth you having a conversation with them if you can. They told me the application has to be done on the children's home address, which they determine by who gets the child benefit. Given in your situation this is you, it seems sensible you apply for schools near you.

I could be completely wrong, but if you're the resident parent with the child benefit paid to you, then your address is the one from which an application has got to be made in our local authority, so presumably in many others.

That being so, your ex can huff and puff all she likes, but the reality as I understand it is that she needs to seek to take you to court to challenge your choice of school, not the other way around. The resident parent usually makes the initial choice, and while obviously mediation is best and discussion better yet, she can't really do much to stop you, can she?

If the kids live with you and spend only every other weekend at their mother's, and they are leaving an infant's for a junior school shortly anyway, and your (and therefore their) local school is excellent and the other less so, and the house close to the school is due to be sold and another rental property nearby unlikely to be in price range... then it's a bit of a no-brainer really, isn't it? Especially as you don't drive and will need to be in two places at once when your toddler starts school, if his older sisters are elsewhere.

If she is refusing to discuss it then she's being a bit of an idiot, because the legal reality in our current system is that the resident parent has the upper hand in making decisions, and that's you. She needs to persuade you to do what she wants, not make demands that you comply with her wishes, especially as her wishes don't seem very practical from the children's point of view.

I could have all this wrong. I don't know how educational law works in every area. But as far as I know, you are the RP and therefore you have to apply from your home address, anyway.

I imagine the reason the ex won't suggest it is because her plan is clearly not the best plan.

The children live with you, you are the primary carer, so the choice is yours.

It's good to get a NRPs view on things, but it really doesn't sound like your ex is in any position to tell you how you should be conducting your school runs, and it's not like you're trying to send your dc to a failing school.

You will be making the application, so put the school you choose. Have confidence in the fact that you are the best parent these children have, so it is fine for your to make these decisions on their behalf.

As the children live with you most of the time and you receive child benefit most LAs would insist on any application being made from your address. However, as your ex has PR she has a say in the matter and you may have to go to court to resolve it. Whilst nothing is guaranteed I think there is a good chance the court would decide in your favour.

There may, however, be another approach that avoids problems. Take a look at the admission criteria for the junior school your ex wants. Will your children get priority for that school? For example, is their infant school a named feeder for this school? If they do not get priority and the decision is based on distance it may well be that they have no realistic chance of a place at that school. In that case you could safely put the school your ex wants as first choice and the school you want as second choice. That would keep your ex happy and would not damage your daughter's chances of getting a place at your local school.

Thank you all.

Ph47- That would have been an excellent idea but unfortunately a feeder link from her current infants to the village Juniors has been added just year. So although we are well out of "catchment" on distance dd1 would get priority as the feeder criteria is a live distance.

She is very likely to apply to Court if I don't put the choices she wants- it's not an empty threat as her family would give her the money to do so. Given we have a current ongoing residency case running (she wants 50:50 residency) and the final hearing for that is shortly after the school application deadline I am keen to keep things out of Court and to ensure I don't look unreasonable. I don't want to look as though I am trying to pre judge the courts decision to award or not to award her 50:50 residency or harm my case in anyway for the final hearing.

However, as far as I see it, decisions have to be made on what is now and at the time of the application and not what may or may not be in a few months. She isn't seeking majority residency only 50:50 so worse case scenario if I lose at Court and they are at a school near my house she has the girls 50% of the time and they drive to school and the rest of the time they can walk with me. If they go to the Juniors in the village and residency doesn't change the girls have to get a bus to and from school almost every day for the next 5 years.

If neither of you are willing to back down, then it's going to have to go to court. And you don't really have that much time to mess about with.

If you really to want to keep it out of court and her threat to take it further isn't an empty one then you are going to have to concede and put the village school first.

I can see why you would be reluctant, but you are running out of options.

In that case I agree with Rafa. Either you will need to go to court for a Specific Issue Order or she will have to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order. The only way to keep it out of court is for one of you to back down.