Reception DS behaving badly - what can I do?

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Hi wondered if there was any advice from teachers or mums who have been through this.

DS is 4 and August birthday so practically the youngest in his year. When he started reception he was fine but for the last few weeks we have been told everyday by the teacher that he has been naughty, although really more silly than naughty (think blowing raspberries rather than throwing chairs).

I have spoken to the teacher who tbh is very young and doesn't really seem to know what to do about it. They have behaviour management system where you go on a smiley face if you have been good and a sad face if you are unhappy but it does't seem to have any effect on DS and when I talk to him about it he seems un-concerned about being on the sad face.

We are very supportive of school at home. He gets 11-12 hours sleep a night, good routine, stable home, healthy diet (not loads of sugar or anything that could hype him up). We remind him daily to be good at school and if he is good we praise him and if he is naughty that day we tell him off - and he is always telling his little sister to be good at school but when it comes down to it he is still misbehaving.

The trouble is the teacher always speaks to me as though it is my fault and as though there is something I can do about it but I do all of the above and as I am not there in the day with him I don't know what more I can do.

I also have to say that personally I have no trouble controlling him. He is a normal boisterous boy and a bit cheeky but knows his boundaries with me, generally behaves well when we go out and is polite to people and kind to his little sister.

What can I do or is thing something the teacher should be able to handle more?

Perhaps you can turn it around on the teacher a little and ask her directly what strategy should she and you be taking to address this. It does sound like she needs to take more control but like you say you are not there and she is the one that needs to deal with it during the school day.
I had this a bit with DD who is a bit of a handful. At age 6 and with an excellent teacher things are now going really well

Thanks. Yes I will ask teacher that. At the moment all she seems to be doing is smile face/sad face which isn't working.

Glad to hear that it can be turned around. I do think they are so young at this age.

I'd agree the teacher needs to deal with it. You need to be in regular communication with her, and supporting the school, but unless she expects you to sit in the classroom all day there is nothing you can do about bad behaviour at the time.

I was a TA / helper in primary schools for over twenty years.

I have seen plenty of children like this, but often they come from homes that are NOT supportive, or 'educationally minded', but this wouldn't seem to be the case here.

Did he go to nursery/playgroup/preschool, and if so what was he like there? What is the behaviour of the rest of the class like? Often the 'cheeky' child will feed off the laughter of other children, who 'admire' his antics, and the whole thing escalates.

How is he getting on in 'lessons'? Does he interact with other children in an appropriate way? What activities and toys does he like?

Is there a TA or other helpers in the class, as they can often distract children to prevent poor behaviour getting too bad.

Often children who are 'silly' rather than really 'naughty' can annoy less experienced teachers, but really competent teachers I have worked with easily get that under control.

Perhaps you are drawing TOO much attention to his behaviour, if every day you remind him to be good, and he rebels against that. (Happily, we never needed to say anything like that to our DS, because we were confident it wasn't necessary - but that was 25 years ago!)

If you can answer my queries, I will see if I can think of anything that might help the situation.

Hi

He went to a day nursery for 2 days a week and they never had any problems with him apart from a bit of hitting when he was about 2.5 which was just toddler behaviour really. No complaints since he was about 3.

I agree that maybe the silliness is a way of getting attention as he is definitely one of the boys and probably likes being seen as a clown.

He is fine with his interactions with others and is friendly and happy to chat to other children. He really likes the more formal activities in school and doesn't seem to misbehave in in phonics or maths. It's more at playtime or unstructured play.

It's a good point that maybe we are making too big a thing of it keeping reminding him about it but I'm not sure what else to do! In trouble again today for fidgeting and running around!

I went through EXACTLY the same with DS in reception and year 1. DS has September birthday, so was (ironically) one of the oldest in the year.

He was 'silly' rather than deliberately defiant - bouncing around the carpet and pulling silly faces. He just didn't seem very 'ready' for the routine of school. Golden time, or the loss of it, was no motivator for him whatsoever.

Year 1 was, if anything, worse than repection - but I put that down to his bloody awful teacher.

Everything changed in Year 2 with a lot of maturing over the summer holiday combined with a great teacher. He just seemed to 'grow up'. He's now in Year 3 and doing fine.

I am a teacher, so I know all about 'strategies' and 'boundaries' and 'consistency' and 'consequenes' blah blah blah. It didn't make any difference. As with you, DS was always perfectly manageable at home or with grandparents.

I'd check what they were doing to support HIS needs, so if he is struggling or not interested in the activities and keeps getting distracted is there something more they can be doing to help him keep engaged.

In saying that if it's fidgeting etc and he's an August baby he's properly just struggling with being less mature than some of the others and probably exhausted, 5 days at this age is pretty brutal. The teachers should recognise this, and be helping him cope.

Does he have to go full-time? Perhaps a part-time might suit him better?

when you say he is a 'He is a normal boisterous boy and a bit cheeky' could it be that this is actually all he is being at school but at inappropriate times?

I have seen this quite a lot where parents think 'oh he is just a boy' 'oh he is a bit lively but just a 4 year old' and so on and in actual fact the behaviour that they think is ok at home and is just a boy type behaviour is very irritating from a classroom perspective.

just reread that and I don't in any way mean you aren't controlling him at home but I am trying to say that it is ok to do some things at home but not to sit and pull faces in the classroom for example.
does that make sense?

I had a period when one of mine started ( boy August birthday) I took him in and we chatted to the head about his behaviour. I made it clear that I would be going in with him daily if he misbehaved. He would loose his lunch time play ( when he was naughty) he resolved his behaviour fast.

He hated talking to the head about his behaviour. We talked about how we work together to combat bad behaviour. He was outnumbered.

We found a home school book helped. It meant we could big up the positives, and he knew that poor behaviour at school would come back to us and he would be spoken to about it at home.

It really helped, not to say he is an angel now, different problems have reared their heads in Year 1, but that's a different story!