How much do you feel your childs teacher cares about them?

[Handwasher]

Just reflecting really on the teachers my children have had so far. They have been ok but I have never really got the feeling from them that they are particularly care in a pastoral sense about my children. If I have ever spoken to them about issues with friendships DC have had or any worries they never seem particularly sympathetic. They never seem to make much effort to keep things fair in the class with the same old children getting all the accolades etc. When school started this term there was a poem by a teacher going round the Internet about how parents shouldn't worry as she would love their children as if they were her own. It was really nice and made me feel a bit sad that we have never felt that warmth from a teacher. Are there teachers like this still or has the pastoral side of their job diminished as the stress of targets and paperwork has increased?

My son makes life INCREDIBLY difficult for teachers and I have known teachers / TAs to dislike him intensely as they have made no secret of it. It is heartbreaking.

However, despite his behaviours and how hard he can make their lives I have continually surprised and touched by the level of affection he is shown. For every teacher that has been awful towards him there has been 10 that have have gone out of their way to support him. I have phone calls and emails at all times of the day. I dread to think how many hours go into their support of him.

I remember a teacher ringing me to exclude him - the exclusion I was ok about but the wobble in her voice as she said 'we need you to come and get him' terrified me as I knew she cared for him... Three members of staff stayed with him to keep him safe whilst putting themselves at considerable risk.

I dont judge how teachers are with me though I look at my child - soon shows.

DD is in Y3.

Reception teacher - amazing, so kind, treated DD like she was her own child, honestly amazingly kind and gentle and empathetic.

Y1 teacher - a real educator. Not so invested in emotional stuff as the Reception teacher but honestly wonderful at her job and with plenty of time to spend on making sure DD was happy.

Y2 - two teachers, one who really treated DD like her own child and continues to take an interest a year on, one who was a bit abrupt and not very kind.

Y3 - not sure about her yet. She's all right. She's very very new and not very kind mostly. But I suspect that's a being new thing and she might lighten up.

I think the thing is that 'a teacher caring' means something different to 'a parent caring'

Parents care about their children for life, whereas teachers only care about children the year they're teaching them.

And to me that's a very important difference which impacts on everything.

It's an occupational hazard of teachers that they only get to see children for a brief period of time. So they don't get to see if the child's OK in secondary or later on or not.

I know some teachers haven't cared about my DC even when they've been teaching them. But that was always just one symptom of a bigger issue.

Teachers I know worry and care too much about the children in their classes. They see the effects of pushy parents, disorganised parents, neglectful parents etc etc. they worry about weekends and the holidays and what they are sending them home too. Not all of course but more than you'd expect.

Lizzie - that's a different kind of worry. That kind of worry is for a handful of pupils.

The question (I thought) was do they care about my child. Who they don't have any reason to be worried about

I do think my DSs teachers care about them, they care they are happy and settled and enjoying their days (reception and Year 2) and learning as well as they can.

We had parents evening before half term so they hadn't know them long but both teachers surprised me with how well they knew both boys - what they liked, what they didn't, what they found easy/hard/funny. I feel very lucky that I'm sending them to someone who cares and sees the same in them as I do

I have always felt that dd's teachers genuinely cared about her. I think the teacher she had last year was particularly attached as she had taught the class for two years and knew them really well, but all of them have cared.

I don't want my DD's teachers to love her or care about her. I want them to teach their classes and to manage the children with fairness.

I taught one class of children for 5 years, I certainly cared for them but I didn't love them, I reserve that for my own children!

I don't think parents can know how much we care about their children.

I take children home with me every night in my head. I think of them and worry about them. I worry about whether I've done enough. I worry about the ones that have neglectful parents and difficult lives. All the other teachers I know are the same - when teachers get together outside of work we still seem to spend all our time talking about the children.

Yet I once had a parent make a complaint about me to the headteacher because I didn't smile at her when she collected her dd. I wasn't smiling because I was helping an injured child at the time.

It's horrid knowing that parents judge you so harshly when they don't even see the all the little things you do for their child throughout the day. Frankly it makes me wish I could care about the children less.

I'm sure all my DCs teachers are concerned about their education, and care about their welfare, progress and happiness - certainly any time I've had to raise a concern they've bent over backwards to help. I'm not sure I expect them to actually care about them to a massive extent though - although I'm sure there are children that they worry about more than others.

DD's in her 3rd year in a primary setting - Nursery, Reception and Y1.

She is a very lucky girl in that she has a sunny personality and an innate ability to charm people. That combined with being very small for her age seems to bring out people's protective instincts and all her teachers seem to adore her. Older children want to pick her up and cuddle her, and even her peers seem to like her.

This has been a total shock to her parents who were both the kind of children who teachers struggled to like and deal with.

I just wish she would be as angelic at home as she is at school... I think some of the teachers actually think I'm being mean when I suggest that she can be a bratty nightmare.

DS now y7 had some wonderful teachers in primary; they educated him, cared for him, knew him, knew his interests. They pulled him up if needed and in equal measure celebrated his achievements with real enthusiasm. He is very shy and their patient attempts to build his confidence still bring a little tear to the eye. We will remember them with warmth and affection.

His reception teacher favoured girls - the boys were treated as an inconvenience. Another teacher was professional, effective but cold. We moved on from them about as quickly as they forgot him!

All part of life's rich tapestry.

In five years of school for ds1 there's been one teacher that seemed to genuinely get him, and to like him, one who seemed to just find him a nusiance and one who disliked him (but then she disliked many of the boys and openly favoured the girls in all her classes, she was well known for it sadly). For ds2 it's been similar, one teacher in three years who seemed to genuinely really like him and care for him - she said he made that year group worth teaching. The head of the school doesn't care about parents opinions one jot - it's her way or the high way. She runs a very tight ship and it shows in the results, but she is not an approachable woman and in fact tries to deliberately avoid dealing with parents whenever possible, even when she should actually be doing so.

I think most parents would be surprised. In a class in a good village primary most of us would only have a handful of children they don't worry about.