dd doesnt like her teacher, dont know what to do

[ditavonteesed]

I have spent the last half term trying to work out what is wrong with dd, really not wanting to go to school and changing from happy go lucky child to really upset about everything. I thought it was friendship issues had words at school made extra efforts to get her to meet kids outside of school all that jazz.

Anyway she has 2 teachers on a job share, one morning and one afternoon. She finally told me what is wrong and it is the afternoon teacher. She shouts and tells the whole class off when a couple of them are messing, that kind of thing. I have told dd that if she knows she isnt doing anything wrong then she knows it isnt aimed at her. I have told dd that she will just have to get her head down and learn. She changes instantly as we approach school in the morning and is sad for a while when she is picked up. She is crying in bed at night. DD has never been good wth being told off and generally behaves like an angel so as to never get told off (I really do know how that sounds I promise but it is true). She got told off last year for something and it was the first time ever she was upset for weeks afterwards.
dd is 8.

The teacher dd has in the morning is absolutly lovely and I havent really met the afternoon teacher as she is usually picked up by childminder.

So what if anything can I do? What can I tell dd to make it better? Or should I approach the teacher? and if so how?

I have no suggestions but I can sympathise - DD1 is exactly the same. Last year we had big issues about whole class punishment, this year's teacher however is strict but extremely fair and DD is so much happier. We said the same things about how 'it isn't about you' 'it really doesn't matter because YOU know you weren't doing anything wrong' etc but I am not sure we ever got through to her. School however are aware that she gets upset about justice and fairness so whilst I am hoping she will learn to deal with it I also hope it won't happen anyway in the future. Do you know who the SENCO is? You could raise it with them as in 'DD is suffering with anxiety, we think it is related to this and is there anything the school can do with her to help'

This is certainly sad for both of you.

I was a male TA (now retired) in an infant school for ten years, and because I had not enjoyed school myself as a child, I tried to ensure the more vulnerable children I worked with received all the sympathetic support they needed. The TA is in a privileged position, as they can nurture children more personally than the teacher can, who is usually too busy with teaching, planning, meetings etc. to notice the emotional state of each child.

Do you know if there is a TA, or even 'parent helper', in the class who could 'look out' for DD when she is feeling low? Is she coping academically with subjects, and also getting involved with PE, games, drama, music, art & crafts, etc? It is difficult to make a full effort in things, when you are feeling worried, so her emotional state could start to impact on her progress. However, if there are any areas where she achieves really well, try and praise and encourage these, or might she benefit from attending club activities.

Does she have any special friends, or know any children in the older year groups, who she could talk to? At some stage there should be parents' meetings, so try and attend them, and raise your concerns, though it is possible the teacher in question might not be at it.

nonickname :( ferguson that is reazlly helpful there is a ta who dd adores, would it be worth having a word with her. I am treading very carefully as I understand that whatever I say has the potential to reall yupset the teacher and I dont for a minute think that she is shouting at dd. DD just really hates it when anyone shouts, probably due to the fact that her older sister has a few emotiona problems and shouts and screams a lot whcih dd2 is frightened of.

That's a wonderful post Ferguson, I've had the same issue of shouty teacher/whole class punishment. I brought it up as tactfully as I could with the ta - just saying that I was aware that dd can make a mountain out of a molehill, but she had mentioned a few times that the whole class was being kept in at break time and was whole class punishment the way things were being done and dropped in asking how new teacher was settling in as I'm sure things are fraught in the afternoon (ta only comes in for mornings).

It all resolved very quickly so a quiet word can work.

are the school aware of her sister's problems? I do think a meeting with the SENCO might help. ELSA sessions could help teach your daughter ways to cope with that as well. They are there to support the child for whatever they need supporting for. (ELSA is Emotional Literacy Support and lots of schools have staff trained in it who can do a few one to one sessions with a child talking to them about what it is they are trying to deal with, ways of doing so etc)

thanks, yes school do know abot dd1 and are helping a lot. I have a meeting next week so will bring it up then.

I was in a similar position with ds1 who is extremely sensitive and has a true fear of being told off. School did pick up on this from very early on, and were supportive, but he had a wobbly time with one teacher who decided he needed to be toughened up.

I'm afraid I did go straight in to school, and had a word with the teacher. Then I left it with her, and it ended up being a very good year.