DS struggling with school

[sammycruick]

My DS, now in Year 1, finds school very challenging. He is struggling with reading and writing, and though he understands maths, is not making progress because he can't/won't/doesn't do the writing down part, though is fine when it is on the computer.

In the words of his class teacher he is ' below the level' they would like him to be at by this stage in Year 1. He is very under confident at school, and cries when he can't do things, despite being offered vast quantities of encouragement by both us and the school. He has few friends, is happiest playing on his own and moves from group to group, rather than making solid friendships.

The school has him in every extra help group imaginable: boys writing, help with phonics, fine motor improvement and soon social skills too. He often cries for the duration of doing his homework, and has to be bribed to do any drawing, writing or colouring outside of school.

I am worried that he is going to fall further behind, but have no idea how to help him. He already does reading (every day 10min), writing at home (6 days a week 20min), spellings at home (6 days a week 10min). I have a pre-schooler who is watching all this and is probably imagining school is the worst thing on the planet!

Any 'school work' at home, however minor, results in crying and yelling 'I can't do it.' I've tried sympathy, encouragment, cuddles and threats. Nothing seems to make any difference. Will he just grow out of it?

Please help!

I was a TA / helper in primary schools for over twenty years. Once a child starts to lose confidence and feel they can't do things, they probably lose the incentive to try, and fail to put in the effort needed to make any progress.

Praise ANY effort he makes, and also any success in other activities : drawing, colouring, construction, sport, PE, drama, music etc. If he feels he CAN be good at something, even if it is only completing a jigsaw puzzle, or making a Lego model from the instruction book, his confidence may improve.

Try to keep things relaxed, and don't threaten punishments, as that will only worry him more. Maybe encourage him to READ to his younger sibling, or even just tell a made-up story or some traditional tale to him.

Make sure he gets enough sleep, a good diet, a MINIMUM of TV or computer time. Don't have the radio or TV on all the time; establish a quiet, relaxed environment; talk to him as much as you can, and encourage him to talk to you.

To help with Reading and Spelling I recommend this :

An inexpensive and easy to use book, that can encourage children with reading, spelling and writing is mentioned in the MN Book Reviews section. In “Children’s educational books and courses”, the Oxford Phonics Spelling Dictionary presents words by their initial SOUND, unlike a ‘normal’ dictionary, which is always in alphabetical order. Thus, in the ‘S’ section are words like ‘cinema’ and ‘cycle’, which have a ‘S’ sound, even though they are spelt with ‘C’.

The Dictionary is colourful and amusingly illustrated, and can be used by children on their own, or with adult support, from Reception age right up to the start of secondary school.

The review has a link to view sample pages, and purchase if you so wish.

And this may start to help with Numeracy:

?QUOTE:

Practical things are best for grasping number concepts - bricks, Lego, beads, counters, money, shapes, weights, measuring, cooking.

Do adding, taking away, multiplication (repeated addition), division (sharing), using REAL OBJECTS as just 'numbers' can be too abstract for some children.

Number Bonds of Ten forms the basis of much maths work, so try to learn them. Using Lego or something similar, use a LOT of bricks (of just TWO colours, if you have enough) lay them out so the pattern can be seen of one colour INCREASING while the other colour DECREASES. Lay them down, or build up like steps.

So:

ten of one colour none of other
nine of one colour one of other
eight of one colour two of other
seven of one colour three of other

etc, etc

then of course, the sides are equal at 5 and 5; after which the colours 'swap over' as to increasing/decreasing.

To learn TABLES, do them in groups that have a relationship, thus:

x2, x4, x8

x3, x6, x12

5 and 10 are easy

7 and 9 are rather harder.

Starting with TWO times TABLE, I always say: "Imagine the class is lining up in pairs; each child will have a partner, if there is an EVEN number in the class. If one child is left without a partner, then the number is ODD, because an odd one is left out."

Use Lego bricks again, lay them out in a column of 2 wide to learn 2x table. Go half way down the column, and move half the bricks up, so that now the column is 4 bricks wide. That gives the start of 4x table.

Then do similar things with 3x and 6x.

With 5x, try and count in 'fives', and notice the relationship with 'ten' - they will alternate, ending in 5 then 10.

It is important to try and UNDERSTAND the relationships between numbers, and not just learn them 'by rote'.

I am sorry it seems complicated trying to explain these concepts, but using Lego or counters should make understanding easier.

An inexpensive solar powered calculator (no battery to run out!) can help learn tables by 'repeated addition'. So: enter 2+2 and press = to give 4. KEEP PRESSING = and it should add on 2 each time, giving 2 times table.

There are good web sites, which can be fun to use :

www.ictgames.com/

www.resources.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/maths/index.html

UNQUOTE

Hi Sammy

My DS has just started in Y1 as well.

I don't know what stage your at, but we also have an "anti pens" child.
We haven't pushed it at home - the stuff is there, but he doesn't really want to use it, so we don't. Friends and family birthday cards are about the only exception.The writing he can produce at school is in a different league to what is generated at home.

I get very demoralised on the reading threads on here. were still on red band, but at parents evening, they were not worried about his reading. We read the school books, but he is much happier reading Dino books, or superheros etc So thats what we get from the library. How far behind is his reading?

There is no way we do 30 mins a day of school reading/writing/spelling. I don't even think on a friday, when the weekly homework comes back, we spend 30 mins on it.

Are you in a selective school?

We are still learning things at home, but more like the learning through play of preschool than the more formal schooling they are pushed into at a young age in the UK.

Colouring: can you get a book of his favourite characters? we also founds some colouring books with black paper, which attracted a small amount of interest for a while.

Fine motor control. Has he got gross motion sorted yet? If not, I'd look at that before you move to fine.

Ds1 loves lego. Does he have any interest in that? Again, if you get a small kit that appeals to him (cars/star wars etc) would he build?

Don't know if that massive helps or not. Ask away if you want to, and I'll try to reply on how were doing.

It doesn't sound like anyone is enjoying this, and it does not appear to be yielding results. So why not just stop the homework until after Christmas. Let home be a quiet refuge for a while. Perhaps you may find that he becomes more comfortable with it all and makes a leap when he is ready to do so on his own terms. If nothing else it will lessen the anxiety for your preschooler and make for a more relaxed homelife for you all.

Thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply and explain stuff in detail everyone. It makes a real difference knowing other people go through this too.

The school isn't selective. It's a rural primary that two years ago was in special measures. Now it's good and trying to become outstanding, hence all the homework, support groups, etc.

My instinct is to just back off and leave him to develop at his own rate. I don't feel able to do that as from school's perspective I won't be holding up my end of the deal in supporting him. I am also under pressure from family/husband to 'do something.'

We have some success with maths on the computer and reading 'superhero' readers (he's not interested in school readers), writing is the real sticking point. Or colouring. Or as you said, anything holding a pen.

He watches a maximum of 1.5 hours' TV a day and plays computer games for up to 20min daily. I've let him try all sorts of activities he has shown an interest in, but as soon as he finds it tricky or has to practice (eg tag rugby) he says he can't do it and wants to give up. I am desperate for him to find something he really enjoys apart from TV/computer games.

Does he fancy beavers (boy scouts)?

Maybe a chance to gain confidence in another environment.

Might give that a try in another term or so. I've been avoiding doing too many after school or evening things, as he is really tired at that time of day and needs down time. Most activities he tries are at weekends.

But you would be supporting him if by taking a step back, it allows you to refocus on what is important (and at 5, reading/ writting / spelling ISN'T important - tho I keep wavering between "he's tiny" and "he's falling behind")

So, if you take a step back, and look for something that will build up strength in his arm and fingers, so when he does want to pick up a pen, he has the strength to do so, isn't that supporting him in the best possible way?

Is there anything particular on the TV / computer that you can spin off to interest him - so if Superman is the best thing on TV, can you make spider cakes (he can read the numbers on the scales and tell you more or less ingredient), color in a pic of spiderman (print one off the net), use some scissors to make a spiders wed - loads of spider stuff on the www atm for halloween, and then maybe see if you can find a notebook for him to write to Spidey to tell him all the things he's done for him - we did the notbook thing over the summer. It pretty much ended up as "lego instructions" ie picks of lego blocks, but he was holding a pen. So even if he scawls something like "we mad lot of spidr things todaa" isn't that better than fighting?

I couldn't agree with you more, addictedtosugar. At 5 (nearly 6) they are very young to be worrying so much about reading/writing/spelling, but all the research shows that those as fall behind now will struggle to catch up, and the system won't wait for them. He's always been a bit slow with developmental milestones (not in an alarming way, just a few months later than everyone else), and I would have liked him to start school a year late, even though he's a winter birthday. Of course, that wasn't possible.

I only have experience of year 1 at this particular primary school. In year R they did lots of playing, and a little bit of reading and writing. Year 1 is completely the other way round. They sit at desks in groups all day, doing what my son calls his work. Play is for lunch and break, and he doesn't get to go to assembly all the time anymore because he has to stay and do extra writing to help him improve. Once a week on a Friday afternoon, they are allowed golden time, if the whole class has been good. Is that what all year 1s are like in other primary schools?

For my part, I'm going to stop doing the school work, and find fun/play ways to encourage him to develop the skills he needs. Hopefully this will take the pressure off us all a bit. Thanks for your support in helping me reach that conclusion!

Yes, YR was lots of play, and Y1 is lots of work for us to. I think this is typical. We don't have any of the remedial groups (that I know about). We also don't do golden time.
Enjoy yourselves!

Please don't push too hard. I have a super bright dd (who is now 12) & did everything early. I then had ds (now 8) who as well as being a boy is the youngest in the year. I was shocked at how hard he found things. Yr 1 was a waste of time in many ways - not helped by the teachers. He completely lost confidence that has taken a while to get back. I think the first yrs of school are much more suited to girls & probably not helped by the high proportion of female staff.
He is now in yr4 & it has finally clicked. His writing is suddenly legible this year. Reading v fluent ( helped by a booster group in yr2) - maths brilliant.
Just keep going - talk to him & show him you have faith in him. Even at this young age they do understand - tell him that for some people it takes a while to click....we did this with mine & he kept persisting. I have every faith that mine will shine (& does in many ways already) as much as his sister - it will just be different.
Yr 1 is terribly early - especially for a boy. You have to be his biggest cheerleader. It is very hard work & I nearly cried for him after last year's parents eve - & this year I was doing cartwheels.