Yr 3 boy struggling

[Llareggub]

Back from parents evening last night and I'm thoroughly despondent.

DS is 8 and struggling with reading, writing and handwriting. It's been an issue since he started reception. He changed schools in year 1 due to my divorce and I'm happy with the school generally.

He's never got to grips with phonics, and I've always had a battle with him over reading with me at home. Proper tantrums, anger, tears and drama. I agreed with his yr 2 teacher that we would focus on his reading and he had daily one to one reading at home with me and with a TA at school. By the end of yr2 the tantrums stopped and he participated willingly. He's competitive and was driven by the whole moving through the levels thing.

At the same time I asked a friend to do some weekly work with him on reading and spelling. The friend is an ex head with experience of dyslexia. He didn't think there was an issue with dyslexia and in the end told me the sessions were pointless as my son didn't appear to be demonstrating any difficulties.

We are now in yr 3 and his reading age is a year below his chronological age. His maths has always been excellent and he can compute things in his head - big numbers too. However, he is struggling to explain how he does it and won't write down his method. Also, his teacher says he can't read the problem solving questions so she can't see what he can do. We've done a lot of the maths quest books at home because he enjoys them and would read them so he's been able to calculate areas of shapes and things for ages. He loves maths. Yes she says his maths is "ok."

He also refusing to do his homework. We are back to the tantrum days of reading. He has a younger brother who was happily doing his own homework and who is now copying his brother's reluctance.

The school have told me he has an IEP and is on school action which is fine - but I strongly suspect he can read and write etc but is choosing not to. His spelling is truly dire. His handwriting is terrible but in reception it was really neat, so again I think he can do it, he just isn't.

I'm at a loss to know what I can do to support him. I've tried everything. School were shocked when I explained his behaviour at home - they say they have never seen it at school (which is good) but I think they suspect I am making it up.

I'm also a bit confused because at the end of yr2 his school report was fantastic - he moved into "expected" for reading, writing and spelling and above for everything else. Yet just a few months later we get this.

I know he is a bright boy. I don't think I am in denial about this. He's sharp, capable of quite sophisticated thought and analysis. He likes reading history and science magazines with me and likes to discuss what we have read. Yes his teacher says she is concerned about his level of understanding.

This is quite a brain dump. I'd really be grateful for thoughts about how I can support him.

I'm not sure about dyspraxia. He's excellent at sports and is very well co-ordinated. He also has a super memory so doesn't really fit with what I know about dyspraxia. I may be wrong though.

Not sure about him doing his homework on a laptop. He spends ages looking for the right letters!

Does he write anything at home - non-school stuff / plans for games /lists etc?

My 7.5 yr old DS sounds similar - though has cracked the reading and happily reads independently/freely. Writing - for school he's very much "I can't" - we have an added complication that it's in a foreign language for him though.

However, at home - he always is after a pen/paper to draw/label his minecraft plans / bat cave ideas etc - so is doing some writing/spelling etc without it being homework.

Would something similar help your DS - mine has a number of hardback ringbound A5 notebooks which have a mixture of lines/squares so he can doodle/note to his heart's content - it seems to be helping with the dynamics of writing and the practising of the letter formation etc. Also - HE is in control and it's not being forced upon him. I'm attempting a softly softly approach with the schoolwork as he is very stubborn and I'd rather he wrote something than nothing at all.....

Has his handwriting got poorer to hide his poor spelling?

My teachers always claimed that about me - which was laughable really as my co-ordination at both gross and micro was noticeable poor but must have been a thing for them to suggest it.

Have you tried pencil grips or ergonomic pens/pencils to see if they make a difference?

Have you checked letters are formed properly - I've spent a lot of time with my DC doing this only to find a few weeks into school and they forget letter sizes or start the bad habit of going back to correct letters - which makes handwriting look bad and wastes times.

When he reads - does he dart all over the page - words in sentences being read in wrong order, skipping lines - that kind of thing ? Can he do word searches - if not possible eyesight issues the more usual ones could be at play.

Have overlays been tried in case there is sensitivity to background and text ?

When he reads is he guessing words, relying on pictures unable to pronounce words he doesn't know? All of which would suggest he using whole word recognition and not apply phonics knowledge - and to read easily and fluently does require the automtic application of phonics.

TBH if he hasn't got to grips with phonics - it is going to impact on his spelling and reading ability and a programs that goes over theses for reading and spellings would probably help.

Does he get out of homework for that evening if he does tantrum ? I knows it's hard because I'm not always up for a fight but if I give in I've found the DC do it more often not less - plus mine are better if something is done regularly and they know what is expected.

Have your tried bribery and rewards to get things done? TV or game time.

Is it a time of day thing ?- I get more work done in the mornings with some of my DC or with 30 minutes of end of school day or weekends than I do in evenings when they are exhausted.

Is this a case of saying last year teacher over assessed them but by end of year DC will have made the expected progress more than expected - had that for a few a years with multiple DC at their school though that did suddenly stop and the assessments seem much more agreed on now.

The tantrum and school thing - you have my sympathies I been there.
In end there was an issue they wouldn't address at all - melt down in school - the staff were extremely shocked - though it got the issue addresses immediately and I didn't have to put up with their scepticism or subtle suggestions it was our parenting.

I have had a lot of tantrums from the older two because they are competitive and perfectionists - and they have encountered problems - it's getting them to tell me what the problem with the work is. With the eldest as things like reading and writing have improved so has behaviour at home and around work. It has to a lesser extent with the other one. It's turning those traits around and emphasising to them practise of skills, breaking problems down and asking for help - it is paying off but it is very hard work.

It may well be worth testing him for dyspraxia, I have a fantastic memory (for facts and figures and things, but remembering homework never happens) and yet I am dyspraxic and dyslexic.

doradoo writing ideas we've done as well - note books, shopping list to help us - even story fun story writing packs that we've seen and bought for them. They have note books to put ideas they want to do in mine craft in as well - so they can get help from DH to achieve.

Plus reading at home with them books that interest them - often non fiction - not the school reading schemes which they say are boring and I have to agree are. The schemes get read - as they have homework on them - but bulk of the reading is non school books that we do together and talk about naturally.

poor working memory - ie short term - so would be visible in dictation of a sentence or following long set of instructions- can be a sign of dyslexia but not always.

Plus you can develop techniques like immediate repetition of instructions/sentence to your self that can hide /mask the problem.

www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/about-dyslexia/schools-colleges-and-universities/primary-hints-and-tips.html

Worth a quick look.

Though eldest DC has had many of those issues and the school SENCO and teachers are aware there is a family history of dyslexia and still can't decide if there is an issue or what the issue is - though they now are addressing a few specific problems though they waited till yr4 to start doing that.

Thanks for the dyslexia link. He displays many of these symptoms - but not all.

Lots of food for thought here. He doesn't do any writing at home. He avoids it. Won't do shopping lists, Christmas lists or anything like that. I struggle to get him to do birthday cards.

Can't do anything in the mornings as we leave too early as it is; the boys get the bus to school at 7.55am and they really don't like mornings!

He has never willingly picked up a book to read for pleasure. He really is different to me - I read all the time!

Thanks for all your suggestions. I definitely think he was over assessed and I am a bit cross about it because he was so proud of his last school report.

My DS was described as a reluctant writer , I used things like spy clues, dot to dot , al sorts to get him writing. He also had doodle pads,chalks outside.

I also found part the issue for my DS was in reception he couldn't do it and got put off writing all together. when I spoke to the teacher she said he could do it here is the evidence , she missed the point. I sent him to Kip Mcgrath for only a couple of months and it changed completely.

Maths look at Orchard games, Get him reading comics any of the stuff the motivates him to want to learn but without him knowing

www.amazon.co.uk/Write-start-Programme-Perceptual-Handwriting/dp/1855032457/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413978521&sr=8-1&keywords=write+from+the+start

Perhaps he'd do these kind of exercises ? They are supposed to help with skills needed for handwriting.

www.lovereading4kids.co.uk/genre/dys/Dyslexia-friendly.html

Found these recently for eldest - reading age isn't supposed to be below yet still struggling when reading for pleasure - oddly does better reading from the kindle.

DS - Asterix and DH old beano comics got home reading for pleasure started just at end of yr 2 and over summer ( after a lot of phonics work and blending work at home ) - he's now yr3 just started to pick up and read the horrible history and science books lying round the house as well as more technical DC books though these often have diagrams and pictures in.

Am I right in thinking you are in Wales? I don't know if it would be at all relevant, but my year 3 DS has struggled with the transition to year3. After doing foundation phase that was so practical and really suited him he finds sitting at a desk all day really hard. He was really motivated before but no longer is.

You know - this doesn't, to me, sound like an academic problem from what you have described. This sounds like a boy who is withdrawing from school for some reason. He doesn't sounds like he can't do it, just that he's unwilling to do it and that as soon as something negative is said he decides he can no longer do it. Is he generally a happy boy out of school with things not relating to schoolwork? What does he love to do?

There is nothing wrong with your DS! He's a boy, and they often develop slower than girls and are often better at maths. School is designed for girls. You really don't have to worry that much.

I have a DS in Year 3, and it was only at the start of this term that I finally saw some good progress in his reading. His writing is atrocious. He is really good at maths.

School are under a lot of pressure to get all students to the same high level. The teachers probably know that your DS is quite normal but can't tell you. I come from a family of teacher and I was a teacher myself (in another country), I know what I am talking about.

It does sound like the 2 of you are really stuck in the home work thing. If I were you, I would simply stop doing home work with him for a while - like a few months. Tell the teacher.

Perhaps you could try to get him to read comics? My DS loves the Beano, and I am convinced that buying the Beano once a week all summer holiday was what motivated him to learn to read better. I never read the Beano to him, he reads himself, and the first few weeks I am not sure he even read it, he just looked at the pictures. But at the start of term, he was suddenly reading fluently. He is still below his expected reading level, but he has really cracked the code of reading.

Take your son to the library but don't push him to chose any books. See if therere is craft session or similar that you can go to with him, just to get him into a habit of being surrounded by books. Give it a few months and he will start choosing books (show him where the comics section is).

I agree with misscph actually.

Hmm. Interesting. I believe him to be very bright. He's arrogant too - says he can't see the point of the maths homework because he can do it.

The first few years of his life have been tricky. His dad is an alcoholic and largely absent from our lives. We separated over 3 years ago and we moved back to my home city nearly 2 years ago. He feels the loss of a dad at home keenly. He isn't particularly tactile and demonstrative, and responds well to one to one time with me. As a single mother of two that's quite tricky to make happen. He loves football, minecraft and gardening.

yes you can go on mine craft when all your homework - written on a chalk board- had been done - though you are still going to bed at x so how long depends you have have depends on you

I often say that - eventually cuts down tantrums as they get the idea they are wasting time and if they carry on won't get to play at all as time is gone.

Our DC were starting to not try ( we are very big on praising the trying bit not end result possibly as in my childhood there wasn't good end results for a long time to praise so it's natural to me and DH goes along) and that is when we stepped in with extra support. As it was it was hard to get past the whole - it's too hard thing so why bother.

DH is exceptionally gifted in maths - he remembers not liking writing down all the steps as it didn't make sense to him to do that- he had one of those inspirational teachers he clicked with who kept going over the need for working out - in end he did it to please her. He also remembers being talked to about having patience with other DC who were slower than him. He's now a very patient HE lecture who gets very annoyed with his students not showing their working out where they should - so maybe it's just a matter of getting through to your DS.

Do you think that a male "mentor", friend or role model could help your DS with the lack of a father at home? Do you have male friends you can involve, who can set a good example? is he involved in after school "bloking out" activities like rugby, football, martial arts etc?

Academically I really don't think you have much to worry about, and I am sure that he is bright from your description, he sounds lovely. School can seem really "patronising" to boys who feel that they don't fit in but can work it out. If he behaves well in school and the tantrums are only at home, then he's fine. He feels safe enough to "let it out" at home, yet understands that he has to behave in school, and he has the mental, surplus energy to do to. Your school needs to take a chill pill I think!

The fact that he is bright may make the absence of a father all the more upsetting to him, as he is aware some other children do have a father at home. Perhaps you could ask a GP or HV what support - for all of you - might be available.

You might try this book, which can encourage children with reading, spelling and writing and is mentioned in the MN Book Reviews section. In “Children’s educational books and courses”, the Oxford Phonics Spelling Dictionary presents words by their initial SOUND, unlike a ‘normal’ dictionary, which is always in alphabetical order. Thus, in the ‘S’ section are words like ‘cinema’ and ‘cycle’, which have a ‘S’ sound, even though they are spelt with ‘C’.

The Dictionary is colourful and amusingly illustrated, and can be used by children on their own, or with adult support, from Reception age right up to the start of secondary school.

The review has a link to view sample pages, and purchase if you so wish.

Thanks for the suggestions, they are helpful.

He does have a male role model of sorts in my best friend, who is here frequently. They do lots of football and manly things together. He has mentioned me getting married again and has started quite a few conversations about dads being at home.

I had a chat with my father last night and have asked him to look after my younger son on a regular basis so I can have some one to one time with my oldest.

I'm sure he will be fine, you sound like a wonderful and caring mum!

it could be due to confidence. He is confident in maths, he knows he is right because there is a right and wrong answer. In writing he might be wrong, it might not be readable, it might be spelt wrong, it might be wrong grammatically, any number of things. I always used to start a line with relatively normal handwriting but by the end of it it was too small for the teacher to read. I remember this from what must have been yr3 right up until A-levels. Teachers always commented on it but there was this sort of subconscious thing that if I wrote it small then if it was wrong they might not realise because they might misread it as right.

my daughter has issues - not diagnosed with anything but looks highly likely to be a compensating dyslexic and IMO a compensating dyspraxic if such a thing exists (she can pass the tests but things definitely aren't right and paediatrician told us to treat her as if she was dyspraxic). I believe these conditions cover a whole range of levels and that some children can really and truly manage to cover them up but it is incredibly hard work for them. It could be that when stressed or anxious (confidence again) he just can't manage to do these things which then makes him less confident and the cycle gets worse.

If you can try and build his self esteem and confidence it might help?

I think it might be a confidence thing. He is irritatingly good at everything he tries and I've always suspected he has disengaged from reading etc because it requires effort. I've watched him at sports and he is a natural and boy does he like that!