Not sure where to start

[3boys3dogshelp]

Ds1 is 6 and just gone into y2 at school. I have had concerns about him for a while but I don't know whether I am being overly anxious so would appreciate some advice please.
Academically he is doing well and his teacher is happy with him. He is reading ort level 9 fluently and reads for pleasure at home. However his writing is terrible! Very untidy and quite slow. Initially I put it down to his left handedness but the gap between him and classmates is growing. Often writes numbers and letters back to front. Often reads 2 digit numbers backwards if no context to guess how big they should be.
Physically he is extremely uncoordinated. Loves riding his bime but slow running and after 2 years of swimming lessons (3 instructors) he really can't swim af all. He tries hard but doesn't 'get it'.
He is very forgetful. Eg every morning has to be reminded of steps to get ready for school, several times. This seemed normal until ds2 started in sept and already just gets on with it.
All of this I would happily ignore but just recently his self esteem is in his boots. He seems clumsier than ever and says he finds school too hard now :-(. He also seems to be less close to his friends.
He is very bright and I wonder whether he has been compensating for something (don't know what) and now the work has stepped up he is struggling. Also he is a lovely boy but has always seemed different but I can't quite place how.
Can anyone help? I don't know how to help him.

Wow epic post sorry!

Hi 3boys,

Some of these issues sound like dyspraxia.

Screening test here might give you an idea if this 'fits'

www.dore.co.uk/learning-difficulties/dyspraxia/free-dyspraxia-test/

If t does might be worth a chat to the SENCO

Sorry for short post - feeding DS

Hi goldfish, thanks for the link. I can't get the quiz to work on my phone but the factsheet sounds like a description of him :-/. Interesting that there are links with dyslexia and aspergers as these ahave both been diagnosed in my husband's relatives.

Also will his tiny primary school have a senco??

Yes. All mainstream schools have to appoint a SENCO.

Ok thanks I will ask. To be honest I am worried they won't think there is a problem because he gets his work done. Although come to think of it last year he told me he was staying in for part of his playtimes to keep up (his choice - teacher was sending him out to play).

Bump

You could go through your gp for referral to a paediatrician and possibly OT if appropriate, but be prepared for a wait. Several conditions can overlap so the symptoms need identifying. Go along with a list of examples.

My daughter has dyspraxia and there are some good books with helpful strategies you can use, especially for the disorganisation problems. There is also a website, the Dyspraxia Foundation, with helpful information, which also lists some of these books. If you order them from Amazon, you can look at a them and then return those that aren't helpful, only paying the cost of the return postage.

Dyspraxia is surprisingly common, but there is a lot of ignorance about it. It's important that the school understands the problems, or things will get worse as your DS gets older, re slowness to complete work, not having time to copy homework assignments from the board, etc.

If you can afford it, a private occupational therapist can do the diagnostic tests, although I believe you still need a referral from a GP. However, if your SENCO is sympathetic, you might be able to get the school to take the appropriate actions before any formal diagnosis.

Thanks Kesstral I will definitely have a look at that website. How old is your daughter and what age was she diagnosed if you don't mind me asking?
Also do you know whether anxiety/low self esteem can be part of the condition?
I have no idea whether we could afford a private referral but we would try if it would help him. I hate seeing him so down on himself.

Thanks LIZS, I guess my problem with making a list is that most of it doesn't sound that out of the ordinary on paper, eg lots of children can't swim but if you know how hard he tries and how long he has been going then watch him trying to swim he just doesn't look like the other kids at all. Honestly if he fell in now I don't think he could get to the side.
There seems to be conflicting information online about early development too. He crawled and walked relatively young but seems to have slowed right down.

My daughter is now 23. My problem was that when she was young there wasn't much information around. My brother was dysgraphic, but I didn't realise that his organisational problems probably came from the same source. I suspected she was dyspraxic from the age of about 8, but didn't read up on the condition, which was a big mistake. I thought the symptoms were just physical, and so were not that important.

She didn't get an official diagnosis til she was 15 - that was in large part due to my husband's resistance. He was worried that she would "stop trying" if she had an "excuse" for lower performance. In reality, however, she found it a huge relief to realise that the issue wasn't that she was stupid and incompetent (organisationally speaking), but that she actually had a disability, and that it wasn't her fault. The important thing was to emphasise that there were ways to cope with it - work-arounds - and that she still had many strong qualities, such as intelligence, persistence,leadership, and being a caring, compassionate individual.

She did require a good deal of support with organisational issues, and later with some academic ones, in particular how to write coherently and grammatically, which she wasn't taught at school. But she achieved a good 2nd in psychology at university and is now doing a masters in social work.

My brother, on the other hand, was seriously damaged by not having a diagnosis (I don't think dyspraxia, or developmental coordination disorder as it is now know (DCD) was even on the radar back then. Like your son, he could read well, but couldn't write, so his teachers thought he was stupid or "not trying". So yes, self-esteem issues can become a problem quite early. Being kept in to finish uncompleted work would reinforce that.

Re early crawling and walking: the thing is that conditions like DCD/dyspraxia reflect neurological miswiring (or alternative wiring) that is not exactly the same from individual to individual, because we all have individual differences in how the brain wire itself as it grows. So not all individuals will have entirely identical symptoms. But clumsiness, trouble with writing, and disorganisation sound very much like DCD.

I forgot to mention that my daughter was very fortunate in that her handwriting was not seriously affected, although she had loads of other physical symptoms. But thankfully we have computers these days, and your son will be able to work on a keyboard, which will probably help.

Thanks Kesstrel, I feel like I'm having a bit of a lightbulb moment today! To clarify his teacher doesn't keep him back (she is actually lovely and seems to have a soft spot for him tbh) he was trying to stay in himself to finish things because he was worried he hadn't done enough. She has flagged his anxiety as a concern and seems to be trying pretty hard to keep the pressure off. She has also gone out of her way to write positive comments in his reading book and reward for things he can do well.
He just seems to be noticing now how much harder he has to try for certain things than his friends cf last year. I think his friends are noticing ( poss being cross with him?) For being clumsy at playtime etc.
I have to admit the disorganisation drives me to distraction sometimes. He is the oldest of 3 and I get frustrated by having to help him more than his brothers. I must try harder not to show it. Incidentally hisdad is simsimilar organisationally ie very bright but extremely forgetful (running jokes in the family about forgetting packed lunch every day for3 mmonths! ). He doesn't have thepphysical difficulties though.
Excuse typos phone acting up.

Yep he can type fine, very slowly, but fine.

Sounds a lot like dyspraxia. It's certainly worth a chat to your Gp, but as others have suggested it can be a long journey to get a diagnosis---that is, if you get one. And services can be hit or miss depending on where you live.

After school and GP referral, DS spent the better part of 2 years going through everything from OT assessment, dev paed appointments, hearing tests, blood tests, etc only to be "released" from paed investigation last year, despite mounting coordination issues. He wasn't "bad" enough apparently (aka, postal code lottery for services did not work in our favour)

I decided to take matters into my own hands, researched dyspraxia like crazy, used the skills we learned from the OT assessment and work a lot with him at home.

His school have been lovely and provide him with an IEP for fine motor skills (his handwriting is a nightmare in Y2) as well for PE. -He also cannot swim properly despite 3 years of lessons, btw. I am tearfully dreading the Bicycle Training week his school holds later this yearsince he still cannot pedal anything (bicycle, tricycle, etc).

Oh that's so disappointing for you both. Bikes are my ds' s thing now he has the hang of it - although he often falls off while he is stationary. He has a very light bike which I do think helped. My sil helped him to learn to pedal by telling him to squash imagi ary frogs under his pedals! !
I dread sports day. He doesn't care about not winning but he is miles behind and managed to run out of his shoes and have to go back last year. He cried in front of the whole school.

There definitely are things you can do to help with the organisation. For example, for getting ready in the morning, an occupational therapist would probably give you a chart with each thing that needs doing listed in order, with a velcro picture of each item (.e.g. brush teeth) that he can move from "needs to do" to "done" as he does it. The key thing here is to establish a single sequential routine rather than to do things in a haphazard order, so he can mentally tick them off. It will take longer for him to learn this than for other children, but he should still be able to do it, and then he probably wouldn't need the chart any longer.

There are also a lot of helpful tips in books for children with ADHD, with regard to organisational problems.

With regard to physical activities, it can help to break the activity down into sequential steps, model each step, and get him to practise each step repeatedly, one step at a time. (Of course that's not always possible -depends on the activity.)

Luckily, boys can gain status and success these days through geeky, technology activities, not just through sport. Maybe try to steer him in that direction?

We have a fixed routine in the morning and recently I have had them sitting completely ready to go for ages before we leave the house to try to remove the last minute panic (I have a baby too). It helps a bit but I still, every day, have to say right your dressed well done, now please can you get your shoes on. One thing at a time or he leaves things out. A chart or list might really help save my sanity thanks.

ds was one of the first of his baby group to roll, crawled on time and walked within the norm but is dyspraxic with hyper flexible joints . He can be making an effort to swim but his can't get any real power and looks ungainly, for example. Can't/won't ride a bike. Touchtypes rather than writes.

That's really interesting. I had heard a very little bit about dyspraxia but dismissed it as he reached his early milestones early or on time.
Bearing in mind how long it might take to get any formal help is there anything else I can do at home to help him?
I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply, thank you very much.

I just remembered that Mumsnet has special SEN topic areas. You might be able to get more tips and advice there. And you can search for "dyspraxia" to see old threads.