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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Reception expectations...

17 replies

Guntons · 14/10/2014 14:22

Am I the only one worried that the expectations of children in reception are a little high at times?
My son turned 4 in May, so he's not the youngest in the year but many of his friends that he moved up from preschool with are turning 5 in the next few weeks. But to be honest, I think children at this age are so different, it doesn't really matter what month they were born in! I know 2 little 4 yr old girls born a week apart, one is the most mature 4 yr old I know and the other probably the most 'babyish'.
This morning I had a rather patronising request from my sons TA - could I please encourage him to get himself dressed at home, as there were tears yesterday after PE. My son can and does get himself dressed, this was the first week there has been an issue.
There are other things over this first half term that have made me think 'woah! Really? In reception?' And I'm going with the flow as I don't want to be a moaner or made to feel like I've somehow failed my son if he can't do something.
I just wondered if other parents felt similar.

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MillyMollyMama · 14/10/2014 15:09

Actually I never did feel my children were pressurised in Reception and they both went when they were 4 and were both summer born. I think your comment about the two girls you know is the key. Some can do everything and are ready, and some are not. We practiced getting changed in 2 minutes. I provided easy to get into and out of clothes, but both DDs were managing tights in reception and buckled shoes. It just takes a bit of practice and socks and velcro shoes are no problem at all like a pull on shirt and trousers. Maybe he was distracted on the day he was slow?

My DDs were absolutely no different from the older children in their class. I had no idea when children were born because they came from different nurseries and I did not know them. Some of the older children turned out to be slow at all sorts of things! I think it is more down to preparation at home, expectations of parents and reinforcing in a mild way what children are expected to do. I did not want mine to be babyish at school, so we focused on being the same as the well adjusted children and they were. Lots will disagree with me, but if he really cannot do something the schools wants, when do you propose that he learns to do it? Year 1, 2?

Wozald1989 · 14/10/2014 16:50

It's something we were told before they started reception- encourage them to dress themselves, don't think it's a massive thing

Buttercup27 · 14/10/2014 16:54

Dressing and toileting independently is key in reception. Imagine having to dress 30 children and wipe 30 children's bums a day , maybe with only a part time TA. It's impossible. A big learning curve in reception is independence.

RaisinBoys · 14/10/2014 17:10

Oh I remember the patronising requests and comments from some over zealous TA's. I remember one asking me if my DS liked baths, as he didn't want to join in with water play that day!!! I think my face gave her the answer she needed.

I think there are sometimes too high expectations of reception age children but you aren't going to change it. You just have to go along for the ride with much of it and pick your battles!

Hope your little one is enjoying school.

DeWee · 14/10/2014 17:31

Encouraging to dress and undress is probably just so he doesn't get stressed about it. He may have said "I can't do it" or something. I have a memory from me in year R and one of the boys bursting into tears becasue he couldn't get one of his socks on. (Bossy me went and did it for him!)

Ds (June birthday) didn't get stressed about such things. He had two ways of changing for PE. One was to take literally every item off beofre putting his PE kit on-we never did locate one of his pairs of pants! And the other was just to shove his PE kit over the top of the normal uniform.

He also, until most of the way through year 1, consistant in getting his uniform back on. Socks/poloshirt-inside out; sweatshirt/shorts-backwards. In fact he was so consistant I suspected he might even have been doing it on purpose.

Lots of them do struggle in this, so I don't think asking them to practice is too much for them.

louisejxxx · 14/10/2014 17:55

I think you have a right to feel a little miffed after only one occasion of tears and him not cooperating. If it happens again I would politely correct them that he can and does get dressed at home regularly.

I have had a bit of a similar complaint (to do with getting changed for/after PE) - at ds's school it is obviously the last thing they do in the afternoon...on Monday he came out with his trousers inside out. It was perfectly clear as the pockets are white and there were clearly on the outside of his trousers. I'm all for getting themselves changed and back again, but surely somebody could have simply said to him "xxxx your trousers are inside out!". I don't have an issue if it's his polo or jumper, as it isn't so blatantly visible. Sorry to have turned this into my own little rant! I am probably BU, but ho hum.

MrsChocolateBrownie · 14/10/2014 18:10

I believe the general idea is to teach them independence and ease them into school life, rather than high expectations.

I if he's anything like my ds (4 and June born) then he can get dressed, turn clothes inside out and put on the right way. Apart from when he's tired or hungry or both then It can be an arduous task fraught with tears and tantrums. If ta says it again I would just say he can and does dress himself he's just having a bad day

OooohHorlicks · 14/10/2014 18:20

At my DC school they went in to school in their PE kit on PE days in Reception. Only started getting changed at school in their last term of Reception. I still think that was a fantastic idea - why add to the stress of settling into school, and it is stressful for lots of children.

They undid all their hard work by getting a timer out a few weeks later but that's another story.

hiccupgirl · 14/10/2014 18:47

I don't think the expectations in Reception are too high at all.

My DS is 5 in December so is towards the older end but is very shy and lacks confidence - he easily gets overwhelmed and goes off on the deep end. Quite a few of the summer term children have been much better about going in on their own and coping with different things like assembly.

But so far he's been absolutely fine. Yes I can tell when he's had PE but so what...the adults can't dress all 30 children and I'm just pleased that he's managed to come home in all his clothes with the right shoes on.

If there's something my DS can't manage I'd rather know so I can either say he"'so fine at home or practice at home if he really can't do it.

CharlesRyder · 14/10/2014 18:59

My August born DS is as school ready as he could be. Fine with sitting and listening to whole class input, following instructions, yellow band reading, starting to calculate in maths etc..

It is still his target for the next 6 weeks to work on getting changed. They do it every day at his school so it is an issue that he needs help every time.

I don't think the expectations are too high- just first things first. They need to be confidently independent asap so the adult focus can be on learning not on basic needs. DS's teacher could be hearing a child read while she is helping DS get dressed and hearing DS read while she is helping another child get dressed!

ChocolateWombat · 14/10/2014 19:16

The thing is, they were telling you so you could help. Would you rather they had not mentioned it to you.
You can choose to take offense at this kind of comment or to view it as helpful. If you help him further with this and chat with him about getting ready, there are less likely to be tears next time. Everyone's a winner!

As time goes on, you will get a variety of feedback a from the school. Sometimes TAs can be a bit patronising, but don't let it bother you. At Parents evening you will be told things your child is good at and things they need more work on. It is all so that you have a fuller picture and can work with the school to help achieve progress, which after all is what you all want.

So try not to be too defensive or offended too easily. Such comments are not a big criticism of you or your son, just intended to be helpful. And the sooner you are able to approach such feedback without feeling put-out and that the school is somehow in the wrong, the better everyone will manage.

schroedingersdodo · 14/10/2014 19:21

I totally agree with the OP. I'm happy in DS's school they don't have uniform and are allowed to keep their clothes for PE if they are comfortable and adequate. Anyway, TA made it clear that the alternative would be "to help 30 children change", meaning they don't expect children to do it by themselves.

DS is 4 , also born in May and although he can dress himself, I doubt he would be able to concentrate on that at school. He would probably want to play or talk instead of changing.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 14/10/2014 19:27

I'm with mrschocbrownie, as my DC were both good at dressing / undressing EXCEPT when tired, and as they were both tired every afternoon in yr r, they were hopeless at dressing / undressing for PE. Practice was fairly pointless, they were both good at it and the school was poor at understanding what was going on. Mind you, it took me a while to realise why my PFB had problems like this , I was new to school too. They got better as they gained more stamina.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 14/10/2014 20:10

sorry I think you are being oversensitive. Unfortunately a lot of people do think these things are too hard for their children but children that age have been getting dressed etc unaided for years and years and years. It hasn't harmed any of them yet.

He may well be able to do it at home but he obviously didn't do it at school without a problem, they were telling you so you can help him practice and school life will no doubt throw up other occasions of 'but he can do it at home why not at school' in the future.

shrug it off, ask him why he got upset and move on. Trust me you will have more important battles to fight than that over the next few years.

And I have to say having 2 daughters who have to spend ages after they have got themselves dressed helping other children get ready so they don't all end up losing lesson time or playtime or whatever it is after PE I do wish parents would take things like that more seriously.

Original poster

Guntons · 14/10/2014 20:26

Certainly mixed opinions - if it was just the PE changing it wouldn't bother me because I know he can do it. Tiredness, end of first half term, having a bad day, any number of things could be the reason. Its just the most recent incident.
This evening whilst getting ready for bed (which he managed to do without much fuss!) DS comes out with 'that spider is being resourceful!' I was gobsmacked! I asked him if he knew what it meant, he replies 'its similar to resilient, Miss ##*# told us today in a story'. How amusing, 2 brilliant additions to his vocabulary (even if the meanings were lacking some understanding) that he shared in conversation totally unprompted. (He usually replies 'don't know' when I ask him what he did at school!)

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Original poster

Guntons · 14/10/2014 20:39

Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, at 18wks pregnant it's a possibility. DS is my FB, so I guess he's had it his own way for 4 years. With a baby on the way of course we have had another reason to encourage his independence recently. Maybe he's a bit overwhelmed by it all.

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Rocadaboyce · 15/10/2014 10:41

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all. It really jars me off. My son was June born and started reception last year. He couldn't do the self care thing at all. He hadn't been babied and we are incredibly proactive at home but he just wasn't ready. He physically couldn't do buttons etc. They have a blooming ridiculous uniform as well, ties and full on button up shirts. I am all for taking the pressure off teachers but for goodness sake choose a uniform that a just turned 4yr old stands a fighting chance of getting on. Can you see this gets my goat . BTW he can now get dressed by himself.

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