International parents wondering what's beyond Ludgrove and Sunningdale

[dad0604]

My situation is unique. We are across the pond (in US) and have a 3 year old son. We want to send our kid to a junior boarding school (pref. in UK - since it's not very common to do so in US). I'm wondering if someone had similar experience around:
(1) International parents sending their 8-year-olds to a UK boarding school.
(2) Ludgrove and Sunningdale are popular here. What are some of the other choices in UK and EU?
(3) Do these schools offer scholarship to international students?

Thanks

You don't want to live with your 8 year old??? Or even on the same continent?

Summer Fields in Oxford.

Surely the regular long haul flying would be much too much for an 8yo. Where would he go at exeat?

Why do you want to send your DS abroad to board so early?

Look at the websites for the public schools you're aiming for and look for lists of feeder prep schools. That may help you focus on a shortlist.
Port regis also takes young boarders.

www.iaps.org.uk/parents this might give you a starting point. Overseas boarders at such a young age are unusual although you will find some from Forces families, expats and HK/Chinese.

If you are looking at a scholarship to offer you financial assistance, be aware that scholarships are generally of limited financial value and might offer 5-10% off fees or perhaps only a token amount plus perhaps free music lessons. If you are looking for help with the fees, then what you are probably thinking about is bursaries, which are means tested. I have no idea what any prep schools offer as bursaries (if anything) but if you feel you need a bursary in order to send your son to boarding school in the UK, then you probably can't afford it anyway! Whatever bursary you might be awarded, you will still need to find extra money for uniform, trips etc and, in your case, not insignificant amounts of money for flights so your son (who will presumably have to travel as an unaccompanied minor) can go home for holidays. If you can't afford to bring him home for every exeat or half-term you will also need to arrange somewhere for him to go in those breaks. You will presumably also want to visit him at times in school which is more expense.

That's all leaving aside the issue of why you are even considering a boarding school thousands of miles from your home for an 8 year old. Don't they have good schools in the US?

We are spending $21000/yr on a 3 year old's school which is one dimensional (no sports, no music etc.). To send him to a decent public school at 5, I've to spend extra $20k/yr on rental or $1M on a house. Plus both of us are first generation immigrant who barely speak grammatically correct English :-(! if the ultimate goal is to send him to Harvard, oxford, cambride, wharton ;-) he needs to get into exeter, andover, harrow, eton and to get into these prep schools, he needs Sunningdale, ludgrove etc. (again statistically speaking students of these students have higher probability of getting admission into the right prep schools). So that's the thought process :-)

I really appreciate your sentiment of wanting to find your child the very best education which will open untold doors for them throughout their life. Education can genuinely change a person's life chances so I don't think you are wrong to be seriously considering these options.

However, I think you need to balance the value of the education against how well your child would cope with being so far away from you, in a very foreign culture (the UK and the US are as different as Japan and Africa, just in more subtle ways), at 8 years old. He may be fine. He may love it. But he may not cope and if he doesn't the ordeal could have the opposite effect to the one you are after.

In the UK (especially if you go to Oxbridge) you meet a lot of people who went to boarding school. My DH and many of our friends boarded. I have met many people who loved it at 13 but far fewer who were happy/ felt able to cope at 8.

Would it be possible to move to somewhere that has the education you are looking for? i.e. to the UK or Australia or to an area of the US that has the equivalent of our 'prep' schools (3-13).

Hmmm - I have an Oxbridge degree. As does my dh. Much as I have no regrets about going - I had a good time the 3 years I was there (and met dh!) and life is slightly easier now career wise as an Oxbridge graduate - there is no way in hell that it was worth being separated from my parents at the age of 8. At the age of 8 I was skipping home from my local state primary (ie free and non selective) with all my friends before going to brownies / gym club / ballet / swimming. Nobody - not my parents nor my teachers - were seeing me as a potential Oxbridge candidate. I was happy so I learnt.

The other thing to remember is that these prep schools are often very selective. If a school only takes 10% of applicants then gets 30% of students into Eton then is it really better than a non selective that gets 4% of applicants into Eton. "Lies, damn lies and statistics" and all that....

This seems to be a sledgehammer to crack a nut. There are many top prep schools in the US which will get your DS (let's not forget he is 3 right now!!!) into Oxbridge or an Ivy League university. If you are currently paying $21,000 a year and potentially looking at another $20,000 a year on top for schooling in the US, then go ahead and pay that $41,000 a year because that currently translates to about £25,000 which barely covers the cost of boarding at Ludgrove. According to their website, music, tennis etc are all charged extra on top of that so you still don't have the music and sport that you mention. Add in several thousand pounds for the appointment of an international guardian for your child, plus the costs of several flights home per year with the cost of the unaccompanied minor service and the whole deal costs significantly more.

There are many reasons why people choose to/need to educate their children very far away from home but this seems like complete overkill.

Ludgrove is the only all boys all boarding prep in England I believe which should counter your assertion that prep boarding is 'common' in Britain. It really really isn't.

They also have exeat every second weekend and matches parents can watch a couple of times a week. Is it fair on your DS for you to be on another continent and missing all this?

There are several other all boys, boarding prep schools (your "junior boarding schools") that prepare for the major public schools (senior schools 13 -18.)

You are not "unique" in considering this - such schools have large numbers of international pupils (most of whom thrive and add variety to the intake.) But you do need considerably more information - all preps have websites where you can find their admission policies, scholarship and bursary information and detailed breakdowns of how children spend their time.

No eight year old would be expected to remain in school for more than three weeks at most without a few compulsory days away - have you factored this in to your considerations?

Do as suggested above - look at the website of any major senior boarding school and see which preps send children there. Then read all the websites.

he needs to get into exeter, andover, harrow, eton You can't really mention those in same breath ! I for one have never come across Andover and Exeter is co-ed day, or do you mean those in US?. Think you really need to research all your options and the associated costs - guardianship, travel, uniform/kit etc - to determine whether this is a worthwhile exercise. I suspect you may have a very romantic view of UK education and the doors it may, or may not , open academically and socially. You might like to look at the Dragon and Summerfield's in Oxford , and their eyewatering fees (currently £27k per year) . Fees tend to increase annually well above the level of UK inflation so allow 5% per year compound.

I think Andover and Exeter are the US equivalent of Eton and Harrow (i.e. old, independent, selective, senior schools).

ah ok , but presumably they have their own US feeder schools why would you send your 8 yo 1000s miles away for 5 years only to go back to US for secondary.

Horris Hill?

Woodcote House?

I'm not going to second-guess your decision, OP, because I don't know your circumstances. You will need a UK guardian for exeats etc and to let the school who to turn to in case of problems. There are thoroughly professional and lovely guardians out there (can be found through agencies)

my husband was sent to school in UK (parents abroad) age 10, and I would say it screwed him up emotionally. Not having parents to turn to is hard as a little kid.

Who would you nominate as a guardian? Children have to have an official guardian in UK- you can use a company but this is the one who makes the daily decisions for your child. eg school trip- no. Going to hospital- they decide on treatment in place of you.

Awful idea from my knowledge of most 8 year olds.

As others have said, it is extremely "uncommon" to send an 8 yr old to board, doubly so in another continent.

It's an awful lot of pressure to be putting on a child - I am sure your son is a clever boy, but at 3 how can you tell he'll one day be academically able enough for Oxford, Harvard etc? Many children from Eton are rejected by such institutions too - I don't know how it works in the US but in the UK Oxford and Cambridge are extra tough on entry requirements for students from the top "public" (what we call elite private) schools.

IBy the way, I think it's very unlikely your son would receive a scholarship, they are not common at prep (junior school) level. My understanding is that culture is more prevalent in the US. I think you need to investigate various educational paths in the US. I wish you luck.

Boarding prep schools - of which there are several in England - typically start at around eight years old. They make no difference between local and international pupils. (Although some do limit the number of non-UK children.) It is not at all unusual to meet foreign parents when picking up ones child from such a school. They are often wealthy enough to make frequent trips to visit their child and attend school events.

It would be unusual for such a school not to offer any scholarships - but any monetary benefit is usually nominal (and waived by families who do not need it.) Most state that they offer some means tested bursary support - but not all schools can back this up with significant financial help in practice.

I'm not quite understanding the aim of deciding your child has to go to Oxbridge/some Ivy League college. I say that as someone who went to Oxford, from a state school at 6th form - I'd never decide my children had to go there - it doesn't suit everyone for starters, even if they're academically inclined. I did weekly board from age 9-14 and quite enjoyed it, but I was home every Fri-Mon and my parents came to all school events.

I think sending your child thousands of miles away to school, aged 8 solely to get them into a top university is more likely to send them straight to the psychiatrist's couch whether or not they get into an elite university. They'd have to be very resilient to cope with that - even the expectation is an awful lot of pressure.

This is so interesting!

The OP hasn't returned and is, I suspect, quite surprised by the slightly hostile replies.

I guess, in England, we're not keen on the open expression of blatant ambition. But as a first generation immigrant anywhere you do have to be ambitious.

I have no problems withambition, it's that the OP doesn't seem to have really understood the massive cost of a prep school on another continent. He says they don't have enough money to move to the catchment of a good US school so even with a bursary, how could they afford all the flights and guardian?

Plus, I think many of us don't agree with sending an 8 yrappens or not don't old to another continent to be educated with the aim of getting into Ivy League/Oxbridge. That's not dashing anyone's dreams, it's plain psychological sense. Yes, some superrich idiots parents do it, but superrich people also buy diamond-plated Ferraris just because they can.

Thanks all for insightful comments. Since my son is 3 years old, this thread is just one branch of a much larger decision tree.
I just don't know how I can get a more well rounded education for my son since both of us work 40-50 hour/week. Most of our friends have handed out an IPAD to their 3 year old (and are actually proud that their 3 year old can operate it!!). I don't blame them - between commute, boss, economic uncertainty and aging parents, you have very little energy to deal with a highly energetic toddler. I strongly believe that kid should spend most of his day on stimulating activities (vs. sitting infront of screen). Moreover schools are becoming uni-dimensional with extra emphasis on Math/English and zero emphasis on Music/Arts. Now at 13+ - absolutely! SAT score will play the biggest part. But at the age of 5-6-7, if by some miracle, your kid shows potential in any form of art, that's worth investing time on.

What I like about boarding schools is that they push (in all direction) at age of 8 and by 11-12 kid's interest can take him/her to focus on anything specific (Greek studies or maths or music or sports) - or at least that's how they are portrayed in their marketing material. Can anyone validate this?

It's not like that.... I'm sure some children in any form of education turn into little prodigies at 12 - but not the ones I know, not even at the very best preps. They're just like every other child - glued to multiple screens, minimum possible maths or greek. Leaving their families shaking their heads....

(Perhaps I read this at a bad moment...)

No it isn't like that . I don't believe you delegating this part of your son's life will necessarily bring about the results you clearly seek. You won't have the specific input or control over what he is exposed to or chooses to pursue and even the most talented child won't engage if unhappy. Is it more about abdicating responsibility if he doesn't live up to expectation ? That he had the opportunity but couldn't make the most of it. He's only 3, let him live a little and enjoy him for whoever he turns out to be.