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Original poster

Concerned about attitudes DD is picking up at school - how would you address this?

22 replies

CrazyHorse · 07/10/2014 20:42

DD goes to a school where a large percentage of children come from Polish families. (I'm not sure what percentage, but probably between 30-40%)

Over the last couple of years DH and I have noticed a "them and us" culture in the school. It's been bothering us for a while, but yesterday DD came home from school, excited that she'd had her school photo taken. I asked if a class photo taken, and she replied "No, but if I had, I would have been standing next to three Polish children, and you wouldn't have wanted that Mummy."

I am so Shock and Angry I haven't yet been able to address this with DD, but obviously will.

I have waited until I am calm to contact the school about my concern.

I work full time, so can't pop in, like I would like to do.
Should I address it to the class teacher, the deputy HT, with whom I've have a good relationship for years, as I've had several DC through the school, but it will be a bit "in one ear, out the other" or the new HT, who doesn't know me from Adam. Or phone the secretary, explain my concern, and know I won't actually be able to take a phone call if anyone calls me back.

I'm trying really hard not to go in "all guns blazing". But I'm so Angry

Please tell me if you think I'm over reacting.

OP posts:
SophieBarringtonWard · 07/10/2014 20:46

How old is your DD?

I don't think you are over-reacting at all! I would speak to the Head, it sounds like there needs to be major work on diversity, cultural respect etc.

Original poster
CrazyHorse · 07/10/2014 20:55

DDis in in Y5, but she's not the most mature 9yo.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 07/10/2014 21:11

Why would she think you wouldn't want her to stand next to Polish children?

nonicknameseemsavailable · 07/10/2014 21:13

one of my daughters is in a class which is 50% Polish, her sister's class has a lot of Polish children too but not as many and they have integrated much better. In the 50% year there have been some issues and some of the parents haven't integrated really at all plus children tend to group together but we haven't had any them and us attitude at all. Some of my closest 'mum' friends are the Polish mothers and both my daughters have made friends with the Polish children but integration is definitely harder with the bigger group and we have been wondering how to make it a bit better. I would be shocked if my children came home saying something like that. I don't think there is this attitude at all in their school even with the large community. Have other parents noticed the same thing? I think it is quite daunting for everyone with integration where there is a large group who are speaking the same language and therefore will naturally talk in their own language whereas if there were more languages spoken then the common one would be English. They may not be as confident with their English (even though in my experience the Poles speak amazing English) and so are less keen to approach the English speakers whilst the English speakers don't want to approach people speaking a language they can't understand at all and so on.

rocketeer · 07/10/2014 21:17

Am a bit confused re her comment about 'you wouldn't have wanted that'. What has the school got to do with this? Surely this is something you should address at home?

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/10/2014 21:20

I'm also confused as to why your daughter thinks you wouldn't want her standing next to Polish children?

ElephantsNeverForgive · 07/10/2014 21:20

Yes I'd drop a note to whoever at school you feel most comfortable talking to.

Y5's can be very careless in what say (or sadly repeat from the adults/ older siblings in their lives).

At DDs school it was sexist rather than racial, but it was still nice the HT sorted it very rapidly before some of the quieter girls got really upset (and the more spirited girls retaliated)

nonicknameseemsavailable · 07/10/2014 21:25

I am assuming the OP is meaning that there is no reason from anything said at home that her daughter would think she would have a problem with her standing next to three Polish children therefore she is assuming her daughter has picked up this 'concern' what her parents might think about it from other non Polish children at school. In which case the school need to address a situation of racism (is racism technically the right word? is there such a word as Nationalityism?) against the Polish children.

Original poster
CrazyHorse · 07/10/2014 21:32

Why would she think you wouldn't want her to stand next to Polish children?

Exactly...Why??? Not from anything she has picked up from home. Which is why I'm so cross. It's definitely touched a nerve.

I think I'm going to write a letter to the new HT.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyHorse · 07/10/2014 21:34

And yes, DD and I will be having a big talk.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyHorse · 07/10/2014 21:36

Although there really should be no need. Her older brothers managed to grow up with the same beliefs as DH and I, just by living in our family.

OP posts:
Doodledot · 08/10/2014 07:55

I would definately be having a chat with her teacher and alerting her to your concerns. There is obviously something going on in the play ground or something. I am sure others will have had some similar experiences. My much younger DD once told me she didn't like brown people. I nearly died of shock (plus we have Nigerian black in laws and lots Asian / Vietnamese friends). It turned out she was talking to about 2 particular boys who in fact were mixed race. The issue was them teasing her about being a girl. At year 5 the issue needs a frank discussion about what is behind it

Floggingmolly · 08/10/2014 08:01

Go into school with all guns blazing?? Confused Your dd appears to be the one with the "attitude"... Why do you think the school have promoted this? You need to look a little closer to home, I'd say.

Doodledot · 08/10/2014 08:11

Sorry I wrongly assumed that her teacher was prob female - didn't mean to offend. Am I wrong in thinking that age 9-10 year old girls can start forming cliques etc and maybe there are divisions forming as an earlier poster said. Sad but I am sure it can happen as it certainly does in many large workplaces. It's unlikely to happen in our school as there are 35 odd nationalities and a cultural melting pot but I am sure other schools are similar to yours

AmberTheCat · 08/10/2014 08:42

I'm a bit Hmm at the idea that the right approach to this is to go in all guns blazing. If it were me, I'd certainly mention it to school, but in the context of 'something dd said concerned me - can we work together to help ensure tolerance and understanding between the two groups?' rather than 'your school has turned my daughter into a racist'...

ErrolTheDragon · 08/10/2014 09:02

No, you're not overreacting (if you had marched in 'all guns blazing' you would have been, but you're not doing that - you're waiting till you're calm, which is sensible.).

It's clear from what you've described and your gobsmackedness that this is something that your DD has picked up at school - they need to have it brought to their attention and deal with it constructively.

I think I'd be inclined to write a letter and send it to the class teacher and the HT.

Good luck with this, and with your talk to your DD.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/10/2014 17:27

I think I'd talk to the class teacher first. I think a word with the class about tolerance and integration is probably the way forward. I'd only escalate it to the HT if the teacher doesn't deal with your concerns appropriately.

Original poster
CrazyHorse · 08/10/2014 19:37

Just to up date, I popped into school at 4.30pm, and there were still lots of staff around. I asked if I could speak to someone, and the HT was passing. He listened to my concerns, and said he hadn't noticed a serious issue within school, but thanked me for bringing it up, and would talk with DD tomorrow.

I've spoken to DD regarding her comment, and she's said "But some people don't want to stand my Polish people......"

This has been rumbling in the school for sometime. DS1 was told he couldn't play a game with a group of boys last year, as he wasn't Polish and the rest of them were, which upset him, but I didn't talk to the school about it.

I don't think it's the school which is giving my DC this attitude, but certain members of the school community.

OP posts:
nonicknameseemsavailable · 08/10/2014 21:21

it probably comes from a small number of families in the school.

It is funny, whilst I have had some issues with the whole chatting/playing in Polish and therefore excluding the non Polish speakers I actually would be very keen on our school setting up some 'learn basic Polish' groups for the children as I think it is a great opportunity for my children to learn a bit of a different language, and I would like us to have some Polish cultural stuff going on, or Polish folk dancing or something, see it as an opportunity to enhance things for my children but a few of the other parents would see that as 'allowing them to take over' and would spoil it. As a result I haven't dared suggest these things. Sadly it only takes a few people to create this type of atmosphere as children pick up on what their parents say.

Doodledot · 08/10/2014 22:00

Nonick it could actually be a great opportunity to give non polish speakers an additional language skill - an opportunity seriously not to be laughed at. I would love it if my DC had that opportunity.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 08/10/2014 22:21

well this is my view of it but I am not sure it is shared.

Doodledot · 08/10/2014 22:25

Out in industry a large proportion of the workforce in some sectors are polish or speak polish. Life skill

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