How to help DD (yr 1) cope with friendship issues

[IsabelleAdjani]

I know this is very minor but... DD has just started yr 1. Her best friend from Reception who she is very attached to has now started wanting to play with another girl all the time and excluding DD and she is very upset about it. I remember from school that this kind of thing happens all the way through school but how can I help her to deal with it? DD is very sensitive so think she needs to toughen up a bit. I have been encouraging her to make new friends (the Reception classes were all mixed up going into Yr 1 so there are quite a few children she doesn't know) and focus on the girls who will play with her but it is making me sad to see her upset :(.

I think it can be complicated at this age and I think they only give the negatives! dd is the same age, confident but a flitter, we've also moved around classes. She has a new 'best friend' every couple of weeks. Atm interestingly it seems to be a boy - I notice you said 'concentrate on the girls who want to play' probably just a slip though? 5 in our house still seems young enough to play with either (although dd seems to have had a few marriage proposals )

anyway, we have been part of a couple of little girl 'love triangles'. The first time it was straightforward, find someone else to play, end of. The second time the girl in the middle was choosing which one to play with daily. I had a very very long chat with dd about how excluding the other girl was really not kind at all and how they all needed to play together rather than fighting over x. It did seem to calm down.

Definitely agree they only give the negatives - like x played with x ALL DAY when in fact was just for half an hour etc.
I say concentrate on girls as DD is a lot more into playing with girls than boys at the moment, although she does have a very close friend (boy) who she plays with in Yr 2 (although she is going to marry him she says :))!
I remember those "love triangles" from being at school and they are always tricky! I have had a long chat with DD too explaining more or less what you said - that excluding is not kind etc. I remember from being the one left out that it is upsetting and just feel for my DD. I don't know whether it is best to talk to her about it or not make a big deal out of it, as by talking about it and asking her about it am afraid of amplifying the problem.

I kind of look at it as helping her to learn how to deal with situations rather than it being an 'issue' ifyswim? There's lots it would have been useful to know at a younger age than I found out.....

Yes that is true, best to treat it as a situation than an issue. Want to help her to be resilient as whether it is at school, work or elsewhere, think its important to learn how to cope with stuff like this as doesn't stop at school.
Thank you :)

I hope that the new friend is not my dd as the situation you describe could well be ours! Dd has gone into yr 1 , classes mixed up from yr, and is v close to a new classmate. I know that classmate had a different best friend in yr and there has been some suggestion that former best friend feels left out!

All I can say is whether or not this is the same school I constantly tell dd to play with everyone and not leave anyone out. I also encourage her not to be dependant on one friend. It is hard though as she didn't have a BFF (!) in reception so is really happy to be with her friend all the time.

We are going thru same here .

DD has been different in past weeks and its heart breaking to think they are not happy or being included.

I remember very well that feeling of running out at break and having no one to play with. It was awful.

Its hard to get a sense of whats going on with mine, there is/was a love triangle.

Mine keeps asking to play and being told no, so I say why ask...just do it...

But I think your right about the over playing negative things as she is a light girl who does have a good group of friends.

We've had that. Dd now in year 1 seems to deal with it much better than she did last year. After pussy footing around the issue, I now basically don't mince my words. I started with saying these girls were unkind etc... Now I say "they're pains. Why don't you play with the nice children?"

Also I refused to invite one girl - who had been particularly mean - to dd's birthday. We had only limited places anyway. Sounds harsh (and it is) but I wanted dd to stop sucking up to her. Dd seems to have realised since that she can stand up to her and the world doesn't stop.

We've had all of this, esp since we moved overseas last year, when DD (6yo) had a horrendous time fitting in (made worse as she was an ethnic minority in the class).

Just out of curiosity, surely at school gates you soon spot the kids you would want your DD to play with and the ones you DON'T want her to play with - I mean behaviourally (not racially). While I know you shouldn't try and choose your child's friends, do any of you try and encourage/ discourage them playing with other kids? Is it just through playdates or do you actually say "I would prefer you didn't play with X". Mine has made friends with the so called 'cool crowd' this year and her behaviour at home is really appalling. Hence the question.

hile I know you shouldn't try and choose your child's friends, do any of you try and encourage/ discourage them playing with other kids?

well I have had most of her little gang over for bdays and play dates and they are really lovely girls!

there are no stand out ones with appalling behaviour or issues.

they are all pleasant children so in our case i think its just my DD turn not to be popular..