DS threw a strop...

[Nagasaki]

DS(4) is in P1 (Reception).

He has always had a problem with listening and doing what he is told - he is sensitive, easily overwhelmed and gets distracted by what HE wants to do. He can get anxious in new situations and has various phobias such as loud noises, balloons etc. He's also very bright and articulate, and loving and empathetic. (So as not to drip feed we approached the health visitor about his anxiety issues, she has asked us to give him time to settle into school, and he has had his hearing tested.)

Incident today: DM picked him up at hometime (currently 12:15), and the teacher asked to speak to her. Apparently, the class was asked to colour in a picture. DS didn't want to and threw a strop, disrupting the other kids. Teacher sat with him to complete the task and then sent him out to play as usual. She has asked that we reiterate that he has to do what he is told in school, which DH and I obviously agree with.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to try with him to improve his 'compliance' (for want of a better word). We have tried explaining to him that it is important to listen and complete tasks, we have set aside time to do 'homework' (which is usually accompanied by a tantrum and crying), started a reward chart, banned TV/devices etc.

Any ideas or tips for dealing with this particular incident this evening?

Before my dad started school I was a sahm and I realised that did had her own way quite a bit.

If she wanted to play with the play doh then there was no reason not to so she did. That sort of thing. So I started saying 'no, not today. We are going to colour in today'. Just so she got the idea that you can't always do the exact thing you want to do.

I also did gymnastics as it's quite structured with waiting and turns and following instructions.

Oh my, I cant wait to hear my friends frustrations when her dd starts school next year, the little girl is the total boss of the house. Friend will call me and say "we are coming for supper, dd has told me she wants to eat at yours, we will be there at 9" "erm, my kids will be in bed then, they have school in the morning" "not to worry, we wont disturb too much". And "missed doctors appointment this morning as dd did not want to leave the house" or "dd wanted to play with my dough for pie, so we got no pie, but dd got to play". etc.

My youngest is in Y5, and I still get called into school to hear that he fidgets and cant sit still.

HTH.

I am in a similar boat - DD will play merry hell if asked to complete a task she does not like after one she is loving e.g having to sit for hymn practice after being in the sandpit. Teacher has found using egg timer helps (telling her we are doing x in 5 minutes, so be ready when the timer runs out) and high praise for compliance. She also responds well to responsibility, so getting her to help set a task up or giving her a special job works sometimes.

They are only 4 though (DD late August baby) and i think while it's important for you to compound the message of doing as you are told at school, it is up to the teachers to find the best way to interact with the children to get them to learn. You reminding him in the evening might help, but it's the immediacy of the moment that matters most to a 4 year old.

My 6 year old did a fair bit of this sort of thing in nursery and P1 (equivalents, we were in a different school system originally). He just sort of grew out of it about half way through P1, and we haven't had any problems reported so far in P2 - as far as I'm aware he is very compliant at school now (although he can still throw a good tantrum at home on occasion- but he seems to have learned to control himself at school just fine). School's very clear consequences seemed to help (losing golden time / stars), but I think growing up a bit has been what has helped him the most.