DD about to start at a C of E school. I'm in a same sex relationship. Concerned about reaction.

[oreocookiecake]

Hi all

My DD who is in year 3, will be starting at a new school next week. Obviously I'm anxious about this anyway, but there are several other things thrown into the mix, which make me extra concerned.

She has mild SN (undiagnosed) has had group work at her last school which was actually very helpful, but overall her main problem is her lack of social skills.

Her old school was C of E, but her new school comes across as a level up iyswim. As I mentioned, I'm in a same sex relationship and I never really came out at my DD's old school, as it just didn't seem necessary and I wasn't really close to any of the mums.

I don't know if i'm right or wrong to be concerned. I'm really worried that my DD will be bullied because of her SN and because of my relationship. It's not new. We've been living together for over a year now and my DD thinks the world of her. My DP is very much part of the family and I don't want to worry about how people will react. I'm not a religious person myself, but my DD liked the religious aspect of her old school and tbf, this new school seems to be a very good one.

I know we're in 2014 and I'd like to think times have changed and that nobody will bat an eyelid, but I just don't know. We've had some hateful, frankly disgusting comments in the past, but I don't think they were religiously motivated. They were just idiots.

I was even considering mentioning it to the HT when we have a visit later, but not sure if it would be a good idea. I thought maybe I could ask if there are any other same sex parents at the school.....but then I don't know if it's necessary.

Am I right to be worrying so much about this?

TIA

I think the fact that it is a COE school is a red herring here.

DD1 (now age 16) went to a COE primary and one of the girls who came to the school in year 5 had a mother in a same sex relationship. I have just asked dd1 if it had been spoken of or announced and she looked at me and said " Noo it was just accepted" I do not recall any playground issues over it and I spend a fair bit of time with her mother who I got on very well with.

dd1 and said girl went to 2ndary together too (not same form) and dd1 reports of no issues she knows off. (girl has now moved on and I have lost touch with her mother - who have split from then partner) so I dont know how next school have reacted.

the non church junior school dd1 was in in year 3 there was a HUGE scandal when one of the mothers left her husband to move in with another woman. In the case of those 2 schools you would have found the COE school parents dealt with it with far more understanding than the non COE did. (both schools dealt with it fairly I will hasten to add- no big announcements and no making the children feel odd about it)

The fact it is a COE will not automatically = there will be issues.

good luck to your dd I hope she makes lots of friends.

DSs go to a primary CoE school and there are at least six children from same sex parents, and the parents are open and confident about their relationship, it's not an issue with anyone at school or as far as I can tell with any other parents at school/church. One of the mums is a school governors. I jthink you should just be yourself, if you feel that it['s the right thing to be open about it at/with the school it will be fine.

I would tell the class teacher at the very least. They will want to know the people who will be picking up in any case.

If you need a way in (rather than going up to the head and saying, apropos of nothing "hello! I'm in a same sex relationship" ) then you could always ask what's covered in PSHE or similar. Ask what they do about different sorts of families - I think most schools have sessions on topics like this.

The fact it's C of E shouldn't really be an issue.

I have two friends who are in same sex relationships and they have children at a C of E school, they've never had any problems in the school. They had a problem with a parent but most people had problems with that parent TBH.

Just wanted to add that DS goes to a CofE school and the no2 priest (no sure of correct terminology!) lives with a guy who attends same church so i am guessing homosexuality is not 'banned'? They're just another couple in this church.

I have no idea if the children know he lives with a man rather than a woman, I wouldn't think so, he's just Father L who is rather funny.

My DC school is c of e - as am I - I'd be disgusted and v angry if there was any homophobia. I am bringing my children up to respect everyone, to be themselves, and I expect the school to support that. I don't think anyone commented on their stonewall rainbow laces at football last week.

Hi,

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. All been very hectic here!

It's DD's first day today and I'm feeling very anxious. She went in ok. Nervous, but overall happy. Her teacher seems lovely, which is a massive bonus. She's very friendly and smiley and I think DD will respond well to that. She seems very approachable, so hopefully that will make it easier when I talk to her about my relationship. I've decided to tell her purely for practical reasons. Ie, if some of the other DC's are a little confused, or intrigued by our 'unconventional' family. So now I feel like I have a real reason to say, it's made things feel a little easier.

I just pray that DD isn't subjected to lots of awkward questions.

Thanks again everyone :)

I would mention it -- not because it's a C of E school, but to avoid what a poster above has described as a 'double take' on the part of the teacher or any misunderstandings.

For example, I have a grown-up step-daughter. When my daughter was at school with a new teacher, the children were all asked to write something about their families. DD wrote at length about her beautiful sister only to be told categorically by the teacher that she doesn't have a sister! I had to go in and explain. Obviously there were lots of apologies but, even in these very fluid times, a nuclear family with heterosexual parents seems to be seen as the default. My DD was very upset at not being believed though of course it was a wonderful excuse for her to demand that DSD came to pick her up from school at the next opportunity.

I'm a parent governor and went to a termly briefing last night where they were singing the praises of FREE, a film aimed at KS2/3 children made in association with Stonewall. It celebrates different families, challenges gender stereotypes and homophobia. Try this www.stonewall.org.uk/at_school/education_for_all/quick_links/8634.asp

There is also a publication called "Valuing All God's Children" published by the C of E, and a Stonewall publication "Working with faith communities".

You should also be able to check the school's website for their policies. I hope you will find yourselves well looked-after.

Thank you everyone who has posted.

I will have a look at the school's policy.

So far, so good, but then there's still a good chance, that apart from the school office staff, nobody knows. The most important part though, is that my dd seems to be settling in well. Hope it continues.