Playdate etiquette

[slipperysatin]

My son just started reception a couple of weeks ago. He seems to be enjoying it but didn't know any of the other kids when he started and seems to find it difficult making friends. The teacher suggested we arrange some after school play dates with one or two of his classmates. I don't know any of the other mums at the school nor do I have any friends in the area myself but am willing to make an effort for him. I'm just not sure what the 'etiquette' is for playdates when they are still so young. What usually happens? Do we invite someone to come to our house after school for a couple of hours? Would the mum usually come too at this age?

I would always accompany my son on play dates at this age. He didn't know anyone in his class either but we have made the effort to attend the school social events and talk to other parents at the gates. I'm going to suggest a play date at our house to one family we've talked too a lot, but it could be the park after school if you're more comfortable with that

Ask him who he'd like to meet up with, and go from there. Or look out for any friendly-looking mums at pick up and suggest meeting after school in a local park or something to begin with? Or invite a child over with their parent.
We usually did the first playdate with a parent at that age, then maybe next time without if the children feel ok with it. It's quite a nice way of getting to know other parents in the school community too.

Sorry, that should be friendly looking mums or dads!

I would just ask - "will little Johnny be happy to come by himself or would you like to come for a cup of tea while they play?"

I'm not sure what I'll do if DD gets invited as I'd have to take 3 other children along if I accompanied her, which won't be quite what the other mum was inviting, otherwise I'd have to send her on her own but she is quite shy.

Thanks everyone. That all sounds like good advice. He's been invited to a couple of birthday parties already so we'll definitely go to those too and that should be a good opportunity to see who he plays with and to meet some of the other parents.

I must admit I was a bit shocked one one mum just dropped of her daughter at our house for a play date. But I fast realised it meant I had some time free.

It may obviously depend on the child and the mum so be prepared for either scenario.

My reception DS did have a playdate the other day and the little boy was dropped off. It was with an old nursery friend though and I know his mum a bit so not quite the same. With my DD I waited until she had a reception a bit longer before arranging playdates. However, she did go on her own once they started after a few months.

OP, agree with what all the others have said. DD was in Reception last year and I was the first parent to start arranging play-dates, everyone else swiftly followed. But they were always at our house (mostly without Mums) until DD got invited to someone's house who lived across the road from the school. It was actually the first time DD had gone on a playdate without me.

She had a great time . Also agree with making idle chit-chat with other Mums. We are a good group of friends now who often meet at the park in the holidays and it's lovely.

LittleJohnny, DD is/was also very shy but she had a lovely time. The friend whose house she went to had a younger brother and sister, DD is an only child, so I was quite worried as she's not used to shouting/arguing in the house etc, but she was totally unphased by it and had a fab time.

As it turns out, she now LOVES going to others houses and loves having friends back to ours. We've got another one tonight, luckily I work until 5pm so it's DH's job to look after them, he always does school pick-up .

I would say for first-borns, the mothers tend to come. By the time you have a second child in reception, it seems normal for them to go alone at this age.

I would leave it a bit longer, they are so new they barely know the other kids names! Parties will start soon and that is a great way to get to know parents and kids. Mine knew nobody when they started, we didn't do play dates till xmas

I think LovelyBoots is right.
First borns tend to have their Mums with them at the early reception play dates and parties. When children are younger siblings, they tend to come alone.

I've got 3 dc through Reception, and NEVER gone round to play with any of my dcs' friends, and NEVER had a parent of any of their friends turn up to play here.
Have only heard of this on MN.
Maybe it's regional ?

BackForGood I think solo playdates are rather a big deal for your first kid, right? You get together with friends and their kids when they're smaller, and dropping them off is a milestone?

You can always ask the teacher who your child is making friends with (or who would be a good match for them) and ask them to pass on a note with your contact details asking them about the possibility of a playdate.

It's a bit tricky - perhaps you could invite them to the park to start with? Get to chat a bit with the other parent at the park, and then move to home visits? Somehow the park is less threatening with people you don't know, because there's no "house judgement" going on, and you don't have to fret about Little Johnny breaking up your stuff etc.

I think that you give the parent the option, but if they choose to leave their sprog and go off, then be VERY clear about pick-up time - there have been several threads on here where mums have dropped off their little Johnny and then fecked off for hours!

When Ds1 started school, he had one little boy over for a playdate whom he'd known from play group; but although I was acquainted with his mum, we'd never really socialised. That little boy was just dropped at ours, he was very well behaved and his Dad came for him bang on time - perfect guest! When Ds1 was invited to that little boy's birthday party though, I asked DS1 if he wanted to be left, and he said "No" because he gets a bit anxious the first time at anyone's house he hasn't been to before. The mum was happy for me to stay, so I did and it was fine - helped with getting to know them better too.

Well not for me / my ds TheLovelyBoots and clearly not for any of his friends, nor any of the friends of my other two, who were the eldest in their families.
They go to school every day. Presumably a lot of children have gone to other things - be it pre-schools or nurseries or creches or friends houses or families houses before that. I don't see the point in your dc having a friend round to play if you've then got to sit and entertain someone yourself. The whole point of having a friend round to pay is that they play with each other and you can get on with something else.

I would definitely say to ask who his friends are and arrange a meet up with their mum/dad as well as it helps you to get to know more people and that opens up more of a network of people who can answer stupid questions about school (like, 'fancy dress is optional for Minibeast day, but is everyone else's child dressing up?') or look after your child for five minutes when you're running late for pick up etc. Most importantly, I like to know the parents of my kids friends so they can't play us off against each other! And some of them are great fun too.