Changing for PE lessons. How would you approach this?

[camaleon]

My dd is in year 5. She is coping with early puberty. After several medical test it has become clear this is just something happening to her earlier than the average without further medical implications. I was offered 'treatment' to delay the onset of periods but have declined.

Still, being the tallest, curviest girl in the class is not the easiest experience.

Until now, my dd has not shown any desire for privacy. However, since she started the academic year a week ago, she has requested to change in the bathroom instead of the classroom because she feels uncomfortable changing with everybody. Not so much for the 'boys' as for one girl who keeps drawing attention to her bras.

Apparently the teacher has disregarded her request twice and has told her today that she needs parental 'authorisation' for this.

I am angry. I have spent so much energy explaining to my kids that they have control over their bodies and that they should be respected when they feel uncomfortable with any situation such as this. I don't want my child to believe parents/teachers/any authority have the power to decide whether it is ok or not to undress in public.

I am someone who can be naked anywhere. Years of competitive sports and a long term relationship with a German (including mixed saunas with his parents) have deprived me of any sense of modesty. But I respect my children's bodies and their own attitudes towards their bodies.

How would you handle this? Shall I just send a note 'authorising' her to go to the bathroom or would you say something else?

Ah. Sadly, no such readily available space (well, I am round the corner from the staff room, but that is possibly a step too far!!)

(Ponders invasion of staff room, full of staff on much-needed PPA, by 20 boys and their PE kits. Is tempted.... but perhaps not....

Space is pretty much at a premium everywhere! The head has to work in the corridor one afternoon a week as her office is needed for violin lessons!

It was girls in the classroom and boys in the cloakroom at DD's school

We don't have cloakrooms - bags and coats hang in the narrow corridor outside classrooms.

I think you need to first address the bullying issue. This needs to be nipped in the bud immediately, and the teacher needs to be watching for any child making comments on another's physical appearance when changing. Then also consider how your daughter may be more comfortable changing in a group - a sports top over her bra, boy short knickers to cover any sanitary protection or pubic hair can help. She shouldn't have to do so, but if it makes her more comfortable, then I would use them. I personally don't like changing in public change rooms, but logistics of a number of students wanting to change in the toilets is not necessarily the most workable solution.

Thank you. It is all very useful. And you are right MiniteScribbler. I have to address the comments first. If the girls start with comments in the bathroom, then the teacher would not be able to intervene either. I was upset about her choice over her own body not being respected, instead of focusing on the real issue.

not much to add to very sensible suggestions - and, yes, do talk to teacher asap about bullying because that's what it is BUT my dd also started her periods in yr 5 (without being the lightest bit curvy) and her middle school (yrs 5 - 8) couldn't cope at all. First time it happened was at school, poor love used toilet roll in her knickers and was terrified all games lesson. As it was so unpredictable we struggled with her taking in protection in her little tiny book bag (god, tampons are so easy) and I asked office to keep a little supply for her as she shared a locker with 2 other girls s n private stash there either. They weren't very happy but of course they also didn't have a machine in the girls' toilets (why not? girls of 11 and 12 often have periods don't they?) She only had abut 5 periods in years 5 - 8 so it really was very hit and miss!

I think the problem that I'd foresee is that you give permission, I suspect other girls will also seek permission. including the one who is making comments. Then they will be on their own without supervision and it can snowball quite easily.

For dd1, the girls changed separately to the boys in year 6 and she found it a nightmare. They had a male teacher, and a male games teacher so were effectively unsupervised, and the bitchiness particualrly from one nasty girl was much worse. In fact dd1 and a friend asked if they could get changed with the boys at one point.

I know this is an old thread but this seems to hapen in many primary schools and I find it unacceptable. In year 6 many children are already developing and schools need to provide a solution and the government should make it compulsory from year 6 at the very least.

What solution should schools provide?

It's OK to say that schools SHOULD provide a solution, but how? Short of building extra rooms, what can schools do? Most schools I know are desperately short of space-our teachers literally work in a cupboard for their PPA-and of staff-a teacher can't split themselves into two to supervise different groups of children. So what is your solution?

Totally off topic, but our school has the opposite issue to lack of space. A few years ago we were given a significant amount of funding to extend the school. They built a whole new year 6 annexe and an extension of 6 new rooms to cope with increasing numbers of children every year. We had 3 classes of 20 in every year. Fast forward 5 years and funding is so low that one teacher in each year was laid off or redeployed somewhere else. There are 2 classes of 30 in each year with 6 empty classrooms gathering dust.
The spare room in the year 6 annexe is used for split PE changing, but as far as I know it's the only year where split changing is possible.

Oh for the luxury of too much space!

What about changing the boys who've just finished pe and those starting pe in one room, same with girls in another, then bags go with them to the hall like most sports clubs, to change with the next class to do pe? Those starting or finishing the day on pe travel in kit. If everyone is so tight on timetabling there must be two classes changing at every class change.

As Knottybeams says; there are lots of things school could do but can't be bothered.

Getting boys out while girls change; chaging in different rooms if available when other classes are doing PE. Letting the girls change in the girls bathroom. Allowing girls who want to change privately in the bathrooms; getting a movable partition to put in the classroom. It does not need to be full lenght but should provide some privacy. Surely this is not overly expensive.

Some children may be OK but other don't and they should offer a solution or at least let the girls change in the girls bathroom if they want privacy. Why do they have to expose their breasts in front of everybody else including a male teacher if they don't want to.

At an absolutely tiny school I go to as a supply teacher the dc come to school dressed in their sports kit on PE days. Not only is there not enough room to get changed there is not enough room in the school to store the PE bags.

When I was at school we used to go in our PE kit if we had PE on the day and stay like that all day. I guess they worry about letting the kids stay all sweaty but they don't shower and still run around on their uniform so it makes norcdidfetence

I teach P6 (9-10 yr olds) and the boys and girls change separately in changing rooms. However they girls are still in front of the girls. For a child with a skin condition we did arrange for her to change in the toilets but this was arranged through the school management.

If I did this for each child who wanted to (for whatever good reason of privacy they have) then it would take my whole PE lesson to get everyone changed as they would need to use the few toilets in turns. (Although there would be less chatting!)

As someone who hates public changing I do sympathise but sadly we don't have individual cubicles. Perhaps you could teach her to change without undressing (I learnt that on Guide camps!) -put a T-shirt over the top then take the other one out from under it. Wear a skirt to school that day -trousers on then skirt off!

user1475317873 To respond to some of your points:

As Knottybeams says; there are lots of things school could do but can't be bothered. Schools are not lazy! They are very hard working but busy and underfunded.

Getting boys out while girls change and put them where?
chaging in different rooms if available when other classes are doing PE. Supervised by...?
Letting the girls change in the girls bathroom. Allowing girls who want to change privately in the bathrooms Again a supervision issue unless the bathrooms are just outside the classroom. How many children can get changed at once?

Getting a movable partition to put in the classroom. It does not need to be full lenght but should provide some privacy. Where from? How much does that cost? Where would it be stored?
Surely this is not overly expensive. When everything is being cut any additional expense is "overly expensive". Each classroom would need one.

Some children may be OK but other don't and they should offer a solution or at least let the girls change in the girls bathroom if they want privacy. As answered above they would need supervision unless right next to the classroom, and for proper privacy wouldn't manage more than one child at a time which would take up the whole lesson!

Why do they have to expose their breasts in front of everybody else including a male teacher if they don't want to. They don't. Wear a bra, wear a vest, learn how to get changed without exposing yourself -t-shirt over then shirt off, trousers under skirt then skirt off. The teacher will be busy getting things ready for the lesson, telling someone off for fighting, harassing children to stop chatting and get on with changing, hunting for the missing shoe that the child definitely had a moment ago, or if they're really lucky tidying their desk and catching up on some marking. Male teachers do not go into teaching to stare at prepubescent girl's breasts!

I do think however that when building schools they could put in individual cubicles sufficient for a full class in a unisex changing room with lockers! Teacher could sit in the main part while children change in privacy (and without messing around!) and then put their stuff in a locker (I don't have the solution to codes or keys or whatever) so their stuff doesn't get moved by someone from another class.

As Knottybeams says; there are lots of things school could do but can't be bothered.

I'm not sure that's what I said. From my experience at school, it's something I might have said, but that was 25 years ago. So I do like to think things have moved on a bit from changing in the open cloakroom area in the school entrance hall. We did have access to the 2 toilet cubicles (each for boys and girls) for the duration though.