Would I be THAT mum if I asked for reception DD to move groups?

[Barbeasty]

DD is very shy, and her nursery worked had last year helping her learn to play withpeople outside her friendship group.

Her class (1 form entry) is split into 4 groups for settling, let's call them 1,2,3&4. DD is in group 4.

This week is groups 1&2 in the morning, 3&4 doing afternoons.

Next week they switch to 1&3 in the morning and 2&4 doing afternoons.

Every Child DD has played with is in group 3. Every other child in group 4 was at nursery together. DD knew nobody before starting.

It's been a huge effort for DD break into existing friendship groups this week, and she'll have to start all over again next week when the sessions are mixed up.

How stupid would I make myself look if I asked the teacher to consider letting DD switch so she stays with group 3 and the friends she's just started making.

I should add, the class isn't at PAN, so she wouldn't be pushing a session over half a class.

How long is settling in period? Surely they will all be together soon anyway

6 weeks!

They will be together in a couple of weeks, and to be fair I think that just typing the question out makes me think it wouldn't be the right thing to do.

I think I'm just frustrated by the whole thing. It's the longest settling period around here, and somehow the 3 or 4 children who didn't know anyone have been put in different groups, each with people who come from 1 or 2 nurseries so all know each other.

It's incredibly frustrating knowing how hard DD has pushed herself just to talk to strange people, and then she has to start again next week, while the people she's starting to describe as new friends go off together.

I am fully aware that by half term all this will be forgotten, but it seems to have been designed to make her settling in as hard as possible!

I'm guessing they have been mixed up so it encourages them to talk to other children and not just stick with the ones they know already.

But 6 weeks is a long time so I would ask if you think it's upsetting her or she's really struggling with it. If on the other hand she's managing ok even though it's pushing her out of her comfort zone a bit then I'd stick with it as by half term it will be sorted.

My DS has just started in a class where he knows 1 other child from his nursery and it's not one he's ever really got on with. All his friendship group have gone to a different school together. He coped really well yesterday for his 1st morning and I think it will be better in the long rum because he will make new friends rather than sticking with the safe option.

I think that's a totally different situation though hiccup. Whilst your DS doesn't know anyone, presumably he's going to be with the same children he met today for the next few weeks.

In the OP's case any friendships she begins to make this week, and presumably next are put on hold because the groups keep being mixed up. (I'm assuming here that week 3 is going to be 1&4 and 2&3).

I can't see any benefit to 'settling' in this way since what usually helps children settle is routine and consistency which doesn't appear to be happening here. Groups 1&2 in the morning and groups 3&4 in the afternoon until they wanted to put them as a whole class would be better if they only wanted half the class at a time.

The thing is it's only the ones who know nobody who have been mixed!

DD's group are her and 5 children who have been at nursery together for 3-4 years and are all friends.
The group they have been with are another 4 from that nursery, 2 from another nursery (although they weren't friends) and a girl who knows a few others in that group because their older sisters are friends.

To be fair when they first put the groups together there was another girl who knew nobody with them. But she dropped out before the first session last term. As have another 3 children since (good Catholic school, but lots of other good non - Catholic schools around and no particular shortage of places).

I think the way forward is to ask the teacher this afternoon who she has been playing with, and just make a throw away remark about it being a pity she'll be starting from scratch next week.

DD has no easy option! And she's the not-easy-option for pretty much every child in the class. So I'm proud of her just for making a couple of friends already.

Which ever way you mix the children with this system is going to be problematic. Although putting the children that don't know others together in one group would have been a start.

You can never really predict which children are going to for friendships with each other. They can always surprise you. Splitting up children who are making new friendships after a week is insane. I'm genuinely baffled as to how this is supposed to help the children settle.

I'd be tempted to complain just to get them to rethink their settling policy for next year, if nothing else.

On the plus side. If she's made some friends already, there is no reason that she won't be able to with a new set of children next week. And you are quite right to be proud of her. Try not to worry too much about it.

Is she bothered by it? If so, it would be valid to raise it with her teacher.

if she is concerned then I think do mention it to the teacher, point out she doesn't know anyone and ask them to keep an extra eye on her. I probably wouldn't ask them to change the groups however tempting that might be because the skills she is going to develop now, whilst hard to have to do it so early, will be beneficial as she moves up the school and they mix classes up etc or when she joins clubs and groups so in the long run will be beneficial but they ought to make sure she gets to know the other children's names and is included in everything.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to bring it up with the teacher.

However I probably would focus on the fact that the others in her group are already current friends and she's finding it hard to break into the group. I suspect their reaction to you saying that she's making friends in group 3, they will feel that she will just make friends in different groups as she obviously makes friends easily. They may even think it's a good thing, as I suspect the mixing is to discourage over dependent friendship groupings appearing.
(although they should have split the nursery group up on that basis)

But I wouldn't worry too much. A bit like the people you get to know on Freshers' week are rarely your university long friends. Reception friendships are very fluid, and once they're all in together they'll mix up.

Thanks for all your comments.

I spoke to the TA when I collected DD (teacher has ppa on Friday afternoons). She said that DD has really come out of her shell, and listed the same names DD has mentioned as being who she plays with.

I said it's a shame that none of those are in her group so she'll be starting again next week. The TA was lovely. She checked their lists and went through the names of the group she'll be with- including the girl in that group who knows nobody so there's one in each group!!

The TA and DD discussed that she could make more friends next week and DD has come away happy. Which is what I wanted.

Dealing with a tired 4 year old's disappointment at not having homework tonight however....

Good grief, if I were going to talk to the school, it would be about the ridiculously long "settling in" period. SO confusing for all those who have been used to attending Nursery.
I speak as someone who has taught in Reception as well as as a parent.

I think some people have. Rumour in the playground is that a couple of families have demanded their children go full time 2 weeks earlier.

It isn't just the faffing around and lack of routine. DH and I have had to take 6 weeks if holiday to cover this. Add in that we would like to have some time off as a family at Christmas, need to cover half term, and had a few commitments earlier in the year (and 4 sessions before the summer holidays at school), and you get the result that we couldn't have a holiday this summer.

DD watched her friends from nursery all finish, while she was there even after her first proper day. No time off for her!

Since you're legally entitled to send your DD to go full-time from the beginning of term, I would do that.

I really don't get all the 'settling in' bollocks. None of the schools round here do that - all 2 form entry and everyone starts together on the first day of the autumn term. I can't see who it benefits having weeks of half-days and mornings one week and afternoons the next. Even more ridiculous when it's less than 30 children.

I would ask and know that you at least tried, even if unsuccessful. I did a similar think when my daughter started year 7 (I asked for her to study Spanish instead of French) and was expecting the answer to be no. They said yes and she is so happy I did as this turned out to be the foundation for all her sets. I think you've got nothing to lose.

Pyrrah - do you have any links to prove that you can legally send DC full time from day 1? I know it was the case a couple of years ago, but I think that the guidance got watered down last year. I would love to know that it isn't the case.