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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Day four and dd's sobbing

21 replies

SpottyTeacakes · 10/09/2014 07:24

She doesn't want to go to school.

She's had two half days and two full days. Today is a half day. Yesterday was a good day, she played with her new friends and waited at the end of the day to say goodbye to them.

I'm not sure what to say to her without making it worse!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TeenAndTween · 10/09/2014 09:56

You poor thing.

I would go for the acknowledge but continue route.
"I know you don't want to go, and I can see you are upset, but you have to go, and you have fun when you're ther. Right let's get your jumper on" or whatever.

Ring the school and check she's OK once in.

Consider a transition toy to be kept in rucksack that she can go and hug in break times, and little notes with smiley faces (or words if she can read) and stuff like that.

Don't turn up too early at school gate so you can do a quick handover.

Lots of praise and treats for going in nicely.

Earlier bedtimes.

DD2 had clingy phases right up to y3.

Original poster

SpottyTeacakes · 10/09/2014 10:01

Thanks. She cried when I dropped her off. She's got a toy she took with her and I did a swift drop off.

I've been making sure she's asleep by seven. It's hard because on the two days a week I work she has to go all day otherwise I pick her up after lunch.

She's supposed to get a bus!! But I know it's much too early for that...

It's just so sad. All I can get out of her is that she doesn't want to go, no particular reason. She had such a good day yesterday (once she had stopped crying).

OP posts:

DeWee · 10/09/2014 10:02

Too late now, but I personally would ignore the sobbing and talk about the lovely time you're going to have after school. Choose something she likes to do (park/bake cakes/swimming etc.) Get her interested in what's happening afterwards. When she calms down a little then make positive comments about school: "oh, I wonder if X play * again today". "Would you like to show your teacher the lovely drawing you did?" Back off if she starts getting upset again.

Original poster

SpottyTeacakes · 10/09/2014 15:24

Well she had another good day so it's just the thought of going that she doesn't like...

OP posts:

TeenAndTween · 10/09/2014 16:28

Keep persevering, you'll get through it.
At least you know she's OK when she gets there.

MrsDavidBowie · 10/09/2014 16:35

My D's cried EVERY day going onto school in year one. He had to be prised off me each morning..clung to my leg. Draining. I wanted to kick him off after a term.
He was fine within 5 minutes in the classroom.
Was fine in reception..and in year two.
His teachers were lovely, he liked them..... There was no reason.
He's now year 11......

Original poster

SpottyTeacakes · 10/09/2014 16:42

She's supposed to be getting a bus but I don't feel I can do that to her yet!

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 10/09/2014 17:45

Is there a timeline for taking the bus, such as you having to return to work soon or DH needing the car? If not, just relax and concentrate on getting her used to school. Then slowly point out the school buses and the (happy) children getting out at the school, especially if she has friends she can see getting off the bus. Then suggest she might like to ride the bus, especially if there is someone she knows to ride with.

I dropped DS2 off at school in the morning on my way to work but he was terrified of having to ride the bus to daycare afterwards, he was afraid he would get off at the wrong stop or be left on the bus. DH (he started work about the same time school ended) had to start work about 90 minutes late every day for about 2 weeks to stop at the school en route to work then follow the bus (where DS2 could see him) from school to the daycare until DS2 finally realized his fears were groundless. Thank God DH had an understanding employer!!

AcrossthePond55 · 10/09/2014 17:48

Oh, BTW, if you decide to do the follow the bus thing, be sure you let the school know! We laugh about it now, but DH was confronted by the driver when she realized he was following the bus!!

Original poster

SpottyTeacakes · 10/09/2014 17:50

Luckily the bus (mini bus only one there is for the school) stops opposite our house so she's always seen it. I really need her to get it next Wednesday as I have a course to go on. I might have to get dp to take her in but he won't be happy as he's already going in late two days a week.

OP posts:

Allegrogirl · 10/09/2014 20:13

Day 5 of half days and DD2 was hysterical this morning. Felt like the world's worst mum as I had to leave her and rush to work so wasn't even at the school gate this morning. Her sleeping has been awful for the last couple of months, was past 10.00 when she fell asleep last night. She is a late August 4 year old too.

She loved the first few days and I'm sure she will be fine when her sleeping improves and she makes some friends. Let's hope tomorrow is a good day for out little ones.

Original poster

SpottyTeacakes · 10/09/2014 20:25

Oh allegro I feel your pain!! Dd is getting good sleep though luckily. She's the only one in her class who cries too! There's only 12 reception children though.

OP posts:

Emmorg77 · 11/09/2014 09:26

Day 4 of my little boy starting reception and he had to be dragged off me crying,breaking me took him nearly 3 months to settle at nursery and hoping it doesn't take that long as its distressing for him and me and Monday we are to leave them at the gates which is going to be hard.yesterday he spent all of break time sat in the floor crying and the thought of him sat like that is horrid any advice? Xx

Mommy28 · 11/09/2014 09:29

My dd the same, youngest in the year and really feeling it..wer into the second week now and shes breaking her heart at the gates which resulted in me in tears too!her behaviour in worse than ever, shouting screaming crying am putting it down to tireness and hoping she will just get used to it!

Mumzy · 11/09/2014 09:34

All my dcs cried on starting school as did myself. The length of time ranged from 2- 7 weeks. It wasn't because we hated school or the teachers were nasty to us but because we were going into something new and as a child had no experience of change so clung to the thing which was familiar ie mum.

Make sure you have a routine for getting to and picking up so she's reassured that she'll see you at the schoolgate at the end of the day.

Georgina1975 · 11/09/2014 09:36

We're having a tough time too. No advice, just empathy. It is very upsetting and wearing.

Week 1 was fine but Week 2 has been awful. She just gets tense on school grounds and then wells-up in the classroom.

She is in a large class that has been split up for settling-in and the full class of 40 starts tomorrow. Am dreading it.

We are doing the positive, quick leave and being bright and breezy. It is just a matter of time I think - hoping in 4-5 weeks it will have settled down once she is used to it all.

she is almost 5 btw and has been in FT childcare since being a baby. SHe is just very sensitive (not in a bad way!).

desertgirl · 11/09/2014 09:37

one thing that helped one of mine for a while was putting lots of kisses 'in his pocket' in case he needed them. He's now 8 and still occasionally asks for that when he's nervous about something.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 11/09/2014 09:52

Aww DS is yr2 now, in reception his teacher actually had to prize each finger off my hand on the first day and there was tears for at least a full week (he'd been to nursery since a baby so it's not like he's not used to being without me!)

At the end of Yr1 he cried on the last day of school because he was going to miss school during the holidays

It gets easier

Also repeating what other pps have said - praise and treats - iirc DS got a toy at the end of his first week. Maybe a reward chart thingy?

Original poster

SpottyTeacakes · 11/09/2014 13:39

Not a great day for dd. Teacher said she took ages to settle and just wanted to cling to her. Apparently kept yawning despite 11+ hours sleep last night.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 11/09/2014 17:43

Rome wasn't built in a day. Give her time. I know it's upsetting when we feel partially responsible for not being able to 'fix' what's upsetting our DCs, but she will eventually calm down as school becomes just another part of her daily routine.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 11/09/2014 18:40

DD is the same , crying and clinging in the line. She's fine when she gets in and the teacher says she's great. Had to peel her off me this morning.
But then I turned round and saw others doing the same - one little lad even ran away from the line.
Need

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