Am I over-reacting, or is the teacher?

[MrsMartinRohde]

Last night, my husband had one of those candid bedtime chats with our 5 year old DS1 (he's a young 5, having had his birthday 3 weeks ago). He started in Y1 this week, and so far he's told us very little. Most questions are answered with "I don't know" or "I can't remember".

Obviously he has a new teacher, this particular one is very young as well as being new to the school (not sure if that's relevant, but it does mean DS - and the other children - doesn't know her at all).

Anyway, last night he told my husband he's been told off, and threatened with being sent to the headteacher, after breaking wind during carpet time. Now, I haven't spoken to DS, but I really really doubt - at this point - it would have been deliberate. I know farting is just about the funniest thing in the world to a small boy, but I get the feeling he's a bit daunted at the moment with school, and behaving well (for him).

I don't know, but when my husband told me I came over all mother lion. It is, after all, a natural bodily function, and if it genuinely slipped out, I feel terrible at the thought of him being shamed in front of his new class (most of whom he doesn't know yet as it's a 4FE entry school and they're all mixed up after YR). I myself would have been utterly mortified at that age. He's already extremely reluctant to use the toilets at school - he told me a while ago that he won't poo at school, and judging on how often he is dying for a wee on the way home, I don't think he's going for that either. I think perhaps he is shy about asking to go.

Is it not a bit harsh to threaten a 5 year old with the headteacher for this? I totally get that if it was a deliberately loud one, then fair enough, the teacher is drawing her line in the sand.

I don't know if I'm over-reacting. I kind of want to ask the teacher exactly what happened, but should I just let it go?

We have of course explained to DS that you have to try to let it out silently, or excuse yourself to go to the toilet. We hadn't had any discussion before this about the etiquette of needing to do - as we call it and he does, too - a windy pop in public. He's not really a very windy child, really.

If I were the teacher I'd have ignored it.
It was a fart.Thats all.
I think the teacher overreacted.

It does depend on the reactions of both your DS and the rest of the class. If it became a huge joke that they wouldn't calm down from, some form of reprimand may be needed not ignoring. I suspect the new teacher was "drawing a line in the sand" to quote your phrase, but probably not for the actual farting, more likely it was about over the top responses from the other children and/or your son. It may take a while for what I suspect may be a NQT to find her balance with behaviour management and discipline, so just keep an eye out.

I agree with Friday. A teacher can usually tell if it isn't altogether accidental by the expression on a child's face and the reaction of the others. Sometimes they try to do it in unison or one after another. it's disruptive and annoying.

Ask him if he was the only one ...

I very much doubt he got told off for farting as such, even of that was how your DS perceived it. The best way not let a fart throw your whole lesson off course, is to pretend you heard nothing (even if you're holding back the laughter yourself!)

It most definitely would have been the silliness surrounding it .

not to*

I really can't imagine any teacher would tell a five year old off for farting but she might well have told him off for making a great big fuss about it.

It might be worth mentioning it to the teacher, but be careful about going in all guns blazing.

Five year olds are not the most reliable source of information!

Agree that five years old can easily misinterpret a telling off if it wasn't explained properly why they were being told off.
I very much doubt that your DS was told off for trumping/farting/pumping/breaking wind. He could have broken wind, laughed but didn't understand that there is a fine line between being funny for a moment and then being disrupted if he continued to make a fuss, which is likely being 5 and thus probably why he perceived he was being told off for breaking wind.
Go into school and ask the teacher if your DS was told off last week as your son said he was but couldn't remember why. Chances are, it's such a small misdemeanour, that she'll probably not even remember why. But it's worth checking to put your DS's mind at rest.
For what it's worth, it can't be THAT serious if the teacher didn't report about to you at the end of the day.

Tbh I would let it go.

I would guess (having taught yr 1) that if he did get told off for doing a fart, it was probably either after there had been lots of other silly bits and pieces from the kids and the teacher assumed it was deliberate, or it set all the others off and it took ages to bring them back down again. Whether or not it was deliberate at the start of term when the class are trying out their new teacher that kind of things can lead to lots of giggling and silliness that can take quite a while to calm down. Fine as a one off but the teacher obviously felt your DS and the whole class all needed to know that she wasn't putting up with either farting on purpose or the silliness it may have caused. Even it was an accident your DS may have had a good giggle about it with others, you don't know.

I know it sounds like an over reaction and I'd completely agree that ignoring it would be much better but you don't have the complete picture of what happened and why.

I don´t know your son, whereas you do. As a teacher I think that possibly he hasn´t told his father the full extent of the situation. It sounds like while the fart may have been accidental, he acted in such a way as to draw attention to it and distract others. In the first week of term the teacher is probably keen to instill good concentration during carpet time. She doesn´t really know after a couple of days in a brand new school which kids she can go easy on and which ones need the scary treatment.

Just tell him that if he farts audibly in future to say "excuse me" as maturely as possible then ignore it, and ignore other children´s reactions, also not to react to other children´s (or teachers´!) farts.

If the weeing thing continues, though, speak to the teacher as it´s not good if he is not going to the toilet at school. Suggest to him that he goes at breaktime and lunchtime (most playgrounds have a toilet kids can use at these times).

thanks everyone. :)

it's highly possible that DS hasn't told the full story, I certainly didn't take what he said as the gospel truth! But just the bare bones that he told me were enough to imagine a range of scenarios, including the one that worries me most, that he was singled out and shamed for something he couldn't help. of course it's much more likely that there was giggling or something that furthered the disturbance.

I think I will ask to have a chat with his teacher, but - thanks junkfoodaddict - I'll say he's been vague about details and I just wanted a better idea of what went on. (I really wanted to avoid having to go up to a teacher I don't know and the first comment from me being about my son farting, so that gets around that!) It's a bit annoying this year, as we don't get a chance to see the teachers at drop off/collection - last year in YR we did and it was great, I could have mentioned something like this very casually with no need to make a thing of it.

thanks for the suggestions of what to suggest my son does/says in a similar situation.

and the weeing, definitely. that actually might be my "in" with talking to the teacher. he might need to be reminded. they were in YR, we had major issues with DS actually wetting himself on the way home, so his teacher always reminded him towards the end of the day.

I really can't imagine going into school to talk to a teacher and waste their time over a minor tellng off about a fart!

I can tell you from expereince my DS came home when in year 1 telling me he wasn't allowed to go to the toilet in term time which I thought he was far too young to be holding it till break time. Next day. he had been to toilet and another day that week. So no idea where the idea came from I am relieved firstly he could go to the toilet and secondly I didn't go into school with a half story ( I have been in with other half stories)

I would let this one go but keep an eye on things

no, I can't imagine going in to ask about a fart, either. that sounds so trivial. it was the threat to be sent to the headmistress that got my hackles up. surely a teacher should be able to handle something so minor without needing to make such a threat?

I think you need to let it go. You may look a bit daft when, as you say, you don't know the full story. It isn't that big a deal. Different if he was a new starter but he's been there a year.

Let it go. Literally.

On the topic of children "not being allowed" to go to the toilet. I have had to speak to children before who repeatedly would ask to go to the toilet just after break or lunch, once all the class were sitting ready to listen to me. I would remind them that the time to go to the toilet was during break or lunch and that if they needed to they could go when we were working -not during the instruction bit! (Obviously if they were desperate I would let them though). This was misinterpreted as me not allowing children to go to the toilet at all and had to explain to some parents that this was not the case.

Also worth looking into reasons they're not going. Have known children to be scared of older children messing around in the toilets, strange noises from the fan and a rumour there was a ghost.

I always knew which child had farted in class. their head sunk into their shoulders and they looked terribly embarressed.

I don't mean to be harsh, but seriously some parents have absolutely zero common sense to take some stories like this at face value.He must have been being silly about it.