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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

my ds fine in reception class but hates being left - advice please!!

12 replies

Sunnysideup · 22/09/2006 14:36

Just wondered if anyone has gone through this - my DS is the youngest in his school, only just turned four. Started at reception two weeks ago....only going 2 hours a day so it's a very gentle start and I am happy with that, and happy that he has a good time when I'm gone. It's just that as each day has passed he has got MORE anxious, not less, and more near tears, and today had to be held back by the teacher while sobbing his heart out, so that I could get out the door!

The school has 15 mins 'social time' at the beginning of the session, where parents can stay and play with the kids. They play music to signal when the parents must go so he knows when it's time to let me go but he is getting so upset. Should I just take him in, and leave asap, do you think the social time is making it worse for him, more confusing in some way?

Or shall I just bear it and carry on consistently staying till the music plays in order that I am involved with his school day and we are in a routine???

I just want to make being left as easy as poss for him as it's something he has ALWAYS struggled with....

TIA!

OP posts:

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Orinoco · 22/09/2006 21:28

Message withdrawn

Pinky1 · 23/09/2006 01:12

Have you tried the reward charts for staying and regonzising you go back. Mine have one for thie thigs they have to do befor school usually just being ok twice in one week is a big reward with you saying they should try to get three stars and buld from there.
Reward charts and stars you can make your own, or they sell ones in woolworths. But they do work if you stick with them as well as talking through any concerns

saadia · 23/09/2006 04:46

I agree with Orinoco. When ds started nursery he was absolutely fine, except for one day when I lingered a bit and then he started crying and begging me not to leave him. I realised it was best to just say bye-bye and.

He also started Reception a couple of weeks ago and has to line up in the playground before they go in in the morning. I now send him to his line, but early on when I took him to his line he kept asking me to stay with him and looking pleadingly at me. With him it is the case that the longer I hang around the more anxious he gets so now I quickly leave.

I'm not sure I agree with the idea of "social time", IMO it just makes the transition harder.

saadia · 23/09/2006 04:47

"say bye-bye and go"

mysonsmummy · 23/09/2006 10:45

ive never heard of the social time thing before. is it just for a couple of weeks while kids get used to new classroom. ds happily says bye mum whether it be in the line outside classroom or when i used to take him into classroom in pre-school. i have to say though i much prefer the line up outside class approach as in nursery it was 9.30 before all parents had finished chatting and then register could be taken. to me it was a waste of half an hour of their valuable pre-school time. i was one of the naggers!!

ds school has taken them in 15 at a time. 9 - 12 1st week, then 9 - 1pm (staying for lunch) 2nd week and full time 3rd week. it really worked for us. i do think it would have been too much of a shock and he would have been too tired to go full time straight away.

Original poster

Sunnysideup · 24/09/2006 18:06

sorry, haven't had time to be back on till today!

The social time thing is for the whole of reception year! I know the thinking behind it is so that parents can come in and see the work the kids have done, read books with them, play with them and meet their friends etc, and also the teacher and teaching assistant are there and are approachable for parents to ask questions or raise any concerns etc. I think it's such a brilliant idea, but unfortunately it seems to be making ds more anxious.....think I may well change over to the 'kiss him and go' side of things until he settles more....

thanks all.

OP posts:

auntymandy · 24/09/2006 18:11

I am having this hith DS at nursery. He is so worked up about me leaving. He goes to an afternoon session and gets quite upset throughout the morning. Yet he loves nursery, just doesnt like me going! I know he is fine once I have gone!!

Original poster

Sunnysideup · 24/09/2006 18:40

aunty, you've hit the nail on the head there too; ds goes in the afternoon so of course as well as being tired when he goes, he's had all day from 6am to worry about it; that must be an awful long, long time when you are 4

After half term he will be going in the mornings which might be easier I hope!

I sympathise with you as I know how horrible it is to leave a child upset!

OP posts:

auntymandy · 25/09/2006 13:58

hurray!!! no tears on parting today!!!

Original poster

Sunnysideup · 25/09/2006 18:03

humph! lucky you, my ds was having to be restrained by teacher from following me out again!!!!!

pleased for you though, honest

OP posts:

auntymandy · 27/09/2006 13:11

I dont even get a kiss now!!!!

sandyballs · 27/09/2006 13:15

My dd was like this in reception last year and it was very stressful so I feel for you. We were also allowed in class every morning for a while and with hindsight I am sure this just prolonged her agony. It went on for months and months .

She is now in year 1 and we have to leave the in the cloakroom and she has been absolutely fine, and I'm sure she would have been better suited to this arrangement in reception.

Try and leave him at the door if you can, although it sounds awful, it might be better for him.

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