Think dd is being bullied?

[mrsmilesmatheson]

Dd comes home upset a lot from school following nasty comments from 2 girls in particular and has recently started refusing to go an after school club which they also attend.

They make nasty comments about her having no friends and exclude her on occasion. Today her best friend went home ill and once she had gone these girls told dd that the friend went gone because she hates dd and isn't her friend anymore. Obviously not true but so nasty!

Dds teacher says she needs to learn some skills to deal with these girls comments. I do agree with this but dd isn't confident and is becoming very unhappy. I really don't know what to do.

Any advice gratefully received

Teacher also suggested dd move to a different after school club.

I feel as if the blame and responsibility is being laid with dd.

The school should be jumping on this rather than trying to lay responsibility at your daughters door. Assuming you can be sure that none of her own behaviour is encouraging this (and I mean this in the nicest of ways, but I work with primary kids and not one of them is innocent of being mean to the others from time to time) and she's not reaping what she's sown, then I'd go back in and tell the teacher that you are not happy still and would like a copy of the schools anti bullying policy And to know how she will work with you to help her dd.
Also start logging incidents in case it gets worse.

Thanks for the reply. I also work with children so I know only too well what you're saying. Dd is quite naive and I don't think she will have invited this by being nasty herself but she is quite needy and wants people to like her so I can see how this might make her an easy target for a child who chooses to put others down due to their own insecurities. I have also seen first hand what happens if this type of thing isn't dealt with correctly.

I do think logging the incidents is a good idea. I was wondering about getting dd to write a diary of positive and negative things as I do want her to concentrate on the good friends and positive things that happen.

I have found this years teacher to be quite dismissive. She nods and smiles but then talks over me and I can tell she's not really listening.

A week and a half left of school and I don't want to kick up when everyone is worn out anyway.

Dd is delighted by the teacher she has for next year and I am hoping for a better relationship with her.

hmm - there is a general approach of 'oh it is character building and they need to toughen up' but whilst yes in the long run it will help them to learn that some people are just plain nasty and how to deal with that it isn't the actual solution to the problem. That lies with the school sorting out the nastiness in the first place. unfortunately lots of schools like to think they don't have any nastiness and 'we are all friends here'...

Yes indeed!

I did remark to the teacher that we all have to deal with this type of thing throughout life and so I want dd to have the skills. She responded by saying maybe it was a good thing in the long run that it was happening now I'm afraid to say I could not agree with her!

no - there is a difference in learning the skills to deal with it when they have the maturity and life experience as well as self confidence to trying to cope when they are still children!

I was told that ongoing nastiness towards my 4 year old from one group of children was 'behaviour that has yet to be unlearned' not bullying...

Yep, you have an issue if the teacher is refusing to engage. If this happened in our school the teacher would have words with he whole class about the good/bad things people say to one another and how that makes people feel. She'd also put a large emphasis on it being an issue with those who are being mean rather than their victims...

If you are getting no joy from the teacher then speak to the head. And if I were you I'd make a log personally, getting your dd to write it all down will make her feel wretched.

Thank you for all the advice. I'm going to keep a log and I'm going to approach the new teacher in September.