Reception Reports. How do I stop worrying about my DD and just be HAPPY that she's doing OK??? Does anyone else worry, probably unnecessarily?

[KEGirlOnFire]

I almost wonder if I should be posting this in mental health as my anxiety MUST have something to do with my past because it doesn't make sense.

DD has just finished Reception. She is a Summer born child and has just had her first report.

Out of the 17 categories she got 8 Exceeds (in what I'd class as the 'academic' sections - Reading/Numbers etc etc} and 9 Expected in the more social categories (she's very very quiet but is getting there). She's on Band 8 (purple) in reading and knows how to spell all the Y1/Y2 high frequency words.

So I think she's doing OK.

So why do I feel so anxious all the time??? What's wrong with me??? I always tell her how proud I am of her, always. I adore her but maybe I feel guilty that I'm making the wrong decisions for her all the time. I chose a school out of our catchment because it was smaller and I thought would suit her better, but what if I made the wrong decision?

Does anyone else worry about their child, even when they're seemingly doing well???

Me! I work full time and am very conscious that we struggle to get homework done before dc is too tired, and I have minimal contact with the teachers. I can't be as involved as I'd like and I worry that dc will suffer because of this. We' e already had multiple sad face episodes because I can't go to every (any) afternoon events or trips without it eating into my annual leave, which I need for school holidays.

My request for reduced hours/flexible working was turned down before anyone 'helpfully' suggests this.

I'm trying to make a conscious effort not to think about it unless school actually raises an issue.

Your dd is doing fantastically op

She may however pick up on your anxiety so finding a way to control this will help her in the long run. Can you see your gp? Or a counsellor?

Everyone worries, it's all part of being a parent. You have nothing to worry about based on that report, except perhaps the school is on the softer side for doling out exceeds... 8 is remarkable. My friend's daughter only got 6 last year and she's on the G&T register...

My summer born DD has just got her Y1 report and she's 1a/b. She's only on level 6 books and that is normal. I worry so much about her not being able to catch up with all the older ones in the class but she is getting there.

You definitely need to keep the anxiety under wraps around your child though. They pick up on it so easily.

Bernice (lovely NN by the way - it's my sister's name ), I am the same as I work full-time but luckily I work from home (albeit for a big international company) so it does offer me some flexibility in regards talking to the school and in fact I'm probably in there a lot more than I should be. But they're always lovely and reassuring about how DD is doing.

But I feel your pain. It's about juggling and sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to!!

Mumof3xox, I definitely need to do something. I think it goes back to my childhood. I was one of 5 and I was the quietest out of all of them. In our house it was whoever screamed the loudest so I didn't get a lot of attention.

But I went to the Grammar School and that's where (in my parents eyes) I shone, compared to the rest. They all had amazing talents and still have now and I felt like the outsider, apart from where studying was concerned. So I wonder if it's to do with that.

But you're right. I need to do something .

TheNumberFaker, you could be right about the school. I know of two other girls in DD's class (one is a September child so nearly a whole year older than DD and the other is a December child) who both got 15 exceeds out of 17. One I could understand (the December child) who, when they did a very first assessment - not sure what it was for - when they first started school came out with the highest level that the school had ever seen, which suggests that she was incredibly bright. But the September child I've known for a couple of years and I wouldn't have necessarily said she was 'exceeding' in all areas. But having said that age I'm sure will give a certain advantage to how well you're progressing, especially in the areas (social and confidence) that DD was 'Expecting'.

So now I'm even more worried!!

My ds2 is a summer born

He got two exceeding areas - reading and maths, and the rest expected, we are over the moon with this

There are only two children in the class on stage 7 reading and he is one of them, there is no one any higher

Mumof3xox . I guess I always worry that our summer-borns will be at a disadvantage, but maybe that doesn't have to be the case. They will always have to work that much harder though.

Having said that, when you get out in the real world and have a job, it's easy for someone 20 years younger than you to do a better job - so I guess it makes no difference in the end! .

DD is on the highest level along with another little boy (who is also Summer born - in fact one day older than DD), but I am a June baby and was an early reader aswell.

Your dd is doing amazingly well so this is about you not her. Can you be help for your anxiety?

KEGirl don't be worried about the number of exceeds and whether the school is awarding them 'appropriately'. It makes little difference in reality if a school is awarding them for a child who reaches a 1b (expected level at end of year 1) or a school who reaches a 2b (expected level at end of year 2). Different schools award them in different ways and as long as you aren't trying to compare 'between schools' to see how your daughter is doing it really doesn't matter. The important thing is that the school think she is exceeding where they would expect a reception pupil to be.
We are in Wales so don't have the expected/exceeding criteria in reception reports, but the key phrase to me for DS3 was 'he always tries his best'. It doesn't matter if that trying results in emerging or in exceeding, he is trying and he is enjoying school, and that is what matters.

I didn't mean for you to worry even more. If your DD is on level 8 books then she is obviously doing very well. I just meant that some teachers/schools seem to be a lot happier to give out exceeds than others. Regardless of the subjectivity though, if her teachers think she is exceeding in 8 areas that is bloody fantastic, especiallyfor a summer born. My DD had 2 emerging last year, both for reading and writing. Now she's caught up to average (with a lot of steady practice and encouragement).

Thank you all so much, you're all making me cry .

Heels99, you are so right and I need to sort out how to fix it.

LittleMissGreen and NumberFaker, thank you.

You need to be able to say 'my daughter is doing great.' Not 'my daughter is doing ok'

Seriously she is way ahead, enjoy it and be proud! She may be the naughty kid one year and this will be a fond memory

Heels99 you are so right.

My daughter is doing GREAT!!!

In all honesty, I had to laugh when she came home and told me that she wasn't allowed to sit with her best friend anymore because they talk too much!! She was always so quiet and wouldn't say anything to anyone, so I was secretly thrilled that she'd been told off for talking!! Actually, getting expected in all the 'social and development' goals, I thought was wonderful. I wouldn't have expected that based on what she used to be like. So the school has done wonders in that respect.

Well done! To you and dd! Enjoy the summer hols!

Thanks Heels. I've managed to book two weeks off in the holidays (plus I have every Friday and weekends off) for loads of girly fun!! I can't wait, I adore my little munchkin.

Worry when the report is all emerging :-(

My dd is September born and got no exceeds and 4 "emerging". Have been assured by MNetters not to worry so am not. I think you have absolutely nothing to be concerned about, if anything your child is far superior performing to mine

I totally understand your anxiety it is a worry!

Parenting is full of worry and choices.

Your DD does sound like she is doing very well, infact I thought you were going to say her report wasn't good in your OP. I was actually coming on to say, do not worry. my dd is sept born and most defiantly only clicked with reading and writing in year 1. her reception report wasnt great either!

your DD is doing well be easy on yourself with the worry, your bound to worry, allow yourself a little worry but as other said its your issue not hers...sit back and relax and let her do her thing...

Thank you all.

I had a beautiful email from my best friend today. Her DD is starting at the Grammar school that I went to, in September. She always talks amazing sense, this is what she said to me:

'I recognise your symptoms all too well as I suffer from them too . For me it is all about ‘control’ and accepting that I cannot have control over (her DD) when she is away from me – her behaviour and results are down to her. You need to start trusting (babyKE) to manage herself. She doesn’t need your input at school hun, she’s doing bloody well without you. Hard though it may seem (and I don’t mean to sound harsh), BabyKE's achievements are her own. Yes, you can put in some extra support at home with reading etc and one day 11+ tutoring etc if you want to but the moment she goes into school she’s her own person working in her own way to her own standard.

I also think that part of your concern is that she’s doing really well. She has set herself a high standard, particularly for one of the younger children in the year. Whilst this is great, maintaining a high standard is much more stressful than starting on a lower level and gradually improving. Expectations are raised and there is immediately more stress I think.

I think you need to take a step back and get some perspective. You have years of primary ahead of you, enjoy it, relax, let BabyKE make her own way. She has made a fantastic start, she is bright, very able, self-contained and entirely in control of what she is doing. She has achieved wonderful results BUT she has done it on her own hun without you. Trust her and back off, you can’t be in control of BabyKE, just like I can’t control (her DD). You can run her life at home, decide everything about her life there but as soon as she gets to school she runs her own life. It’s taken me a while to get this to this point but I can see how as soon as (her DD) starts secondary school she won’t really need me at all and I have to accept that the only way (her DD) will succeed at the Grammar school is on her own (with me as back-up).'

Her email to me has made perfect sense. And she's absolutely right, all the worrying in the world will make NO difference to how DD does at school, in fact it can be very detrimental. I just need to support her at home and leave her work at school, to her...

Hopefully this may help some of you aswell.

Sleepswithbutterflies . Easy for me to say, but maybe the email above will help?

Iamslave, the email from my friend isn't dissimilar to the message in your post.