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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Private school Mums

14 replies

runmammarun · 13/07/2014 21:13

My daughter is in reception at one of the top private schools in London and I had to ask whether anyone else has experienced the same as me. I find the other Mums to be so sneaky and secretive with regards to their daughters activities after school. They ask me lots of questions about what I do with my daughter, which of course I share, and when I ask similar questions they manage to avoid answering. I dont want to become one of them but feel like I need to get a bit smart too. I was under the impression that some of these ladies would become my good friends as I see them twice a day..I find the whole thing very disheartening. My husband says I have plenty of friends so I shouldn't be so soft! Has anyone else had a similar experience??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 13/07/2014 21:16

Not at either of my kids schools!

Unless the kids are being hothoused after school I'm not sure why it really matters anyway.

Sounds like you have an odd bunch

QuintessentiallyQS · 13/07/2014 21:20

Maybe they are trying to suss out if your dd has her own pony, and if so, the friendship is worth nurturing?

(shot in the dark, I have one son in a Faith primary, and one in private secondary, London)

The pony will signal two things, their dd will have a pony to ride if friends with your dd, and you might have a house in the country, where the parents would love to visit for the weekend.

MajesticWhine · 13/07/2014 21:21

A lot of people ask / share tips about activities. I have not noticed anyone being secretive. But I am a lazy mum and don't arrange much stuff for after school, so maybe I just haven't have noticed.

MajesticWhine · 13/07/2014 21:22

I meant haven't not haven't have

TheBogQueen · 13/07/2014 21:23

I'd probably think these ladies needed to get a life.

You could go down the line of: 'well I only really let dd do a few activities, things she has a passion for, I don't want to get into all that awful competitiveness because it's more about the parents than the children isn't it."

Allice · 13/07/2014 21:27

Mine are at a private school, not top ones though, just average I suppose.
I originally had my daughter at an all girls school and the mothers were hideous as were some of their daughters, I moved her a couple of years ago.
I didn't really find any of the parents secretive, in fact many were quite boastful. But I did feel like I was being seriously questioned by one or two of them, they were nosy gossipy woman with little better to do.

Subsequently, I talk to other mothers if they talk to me, I help out the pta a lot but I avoid getting too involved, I find it easier to breeze in and breeze out again.

LynetteScavo · 13/07/2014 21:27

Their kids aren't doing anything! The mums are still deciding what their DC should do. Ballet? Mandarin? Kumon? Piano?

The reason they are asking you is they are trying to decide, then when you ask them what activities their DD does, they are embarrassed they haven't sorted it all out yet like you.

frames · 13/07/2014 21:34

Change topic? How are you? Where did you get that nice dress? Are you from London originally...that sort of thing? You may find there are others who would like to chat about something else...and you can add to yourfriendship pool. Go mad, and suggested swings and park picnic After school...it may lead to play dates

Fram · 13/07/2014 21:46

My children are all in independent schools, but in general the parents don't behave like this. There a few that do, but you soon learn which ones not to bother with!

The most sought-after activity in our area seems to be chess

An ancient game, that takes £2 worth of equipment... go figure!

horsemadmom · 13/07/2014 21:55

Maybe your response intimidates them? When DD1 was in reception, we collected DS1, had ballet once a week, did homework and chilled until dinner. I don't remember anyone doing Kumon or anything else. The other mums and dads were really lovely.
They might be sounding you out for playdates or shared lifts and finding your answers unhelpful?

Original poster

runmammarun · 13/07/2014 22:27

Thanks but its not the case that they are doing nothing as I subsequently find some of them at some of the places I have recommended. Like some of you said I think its just a case of sussing out which are the Mums to keep a bit of distance from..

OP posts:

Iamnotminterested · 13/07/2014 22:33

OP, if you've read David Walliams' 'Mr Stink' refer to the chapter where the older (?) sister's extra-curricular time-table is listed and re-create it, embellished and adorned, for the benefit of the nosy bitches and enjoy the reaction

Adikia · 13/07/2014 22:59

The parents at DD's school seem to be the opposite, as in I have to hear every detail of their child's after school activities.

I do occasionally get quizzed about Rainbows but only because there are quite a few girls that want to join after hearing DD talk about it, hers isn't a top school though and not in London so maybe that makes a difference.

Eastpoint · 13/07/2014 23:12

I'm surprised you haven't be

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