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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

new school, no friends. what can i ask school to do?

14 replies

gigglinggoblin · 11/09/2006 20:59

ds has just started in yr2 at a new school and is so unhappy it is heartbreaking. he doesnt seem to have made many friends (i know its only been a week) and this evening he sat sobbing on my knee because he had asked someone if he could play and they told him no. he said he just went and sat on a bench til the bell rang.

i just dont know what to suggest. i have said to go and ask people if he can play with them, but now he doesnt want to. i have said go and tell a teacher he has no one to play with but he doesnt like that idea either. i have asked teacher who she thinks he is getting along with so we can invite them over, so hopefully that will help.

but what else can i do? does anyones school have any miraculous system which works really well? they have given him a buddy but he doesnt know what their name is and wont ask cos he is too shy. i'm going to speak to his teacher tomorrow, so any suggestions would be most welcome

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AngelaChill · 11/09/2006 21:02

My DD told me that nobody played with her in the first week, so I went to talk to the teacher and it turns out that the girls had played together and DD was just feeling sorry for herself. Could that be the case ? If not it is worth asking the teacher how she feels he is settling in.

brimfull · 11/09/2006 21:04

oh that must be heartbreaking,I'm sure the school will beable to help when they realise the problem.As you're going to speak to the teacher tomorrow I don't really have any firther suggestions just a lot of sympathy for you and your ds.
Hope he has a better day tomorrow.

bubble99 · 11/09/2006 21:06

At my DS' school there is a bench where anyone who doesn't have anyone to play with can go and sit. I think it's called 'The Friendship Bench.'

There are also 'Playground Pals' who are allocated each term and given a cap and sash and who's job it is, during playtime, to make sure that anyone sitting on the bench is invited to join in with a game and to make sure that children are being kind to each other.

It seems to work well. Maybe you could suggest this at your new school?
It works really well

MrsApronstrings · 11/09/2006 21:09

speak to school tomorrow. A good teacher should have all kinds of strategies to get him working with some one, doing a job with someone etc etc to help him build relationships without any of the children being any the wiser - I suspect that things aren't as bad as your imagining - bubt I wouldn't wait - a quiet word with the teacher would seem in order

bubble99 · 11/09/2006 21:11

Definitely ask for 'The Friendship Bench' thing to be implemented.

It costs the school nothing, apart from a hat and sash and makes children more socially aware, IMO.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 11/09/2006 21:13

i have considered that angela, he did say something last year and i know he had lots of friends then, but this is different. i have had to drag him in the last few days and he was really sobbing tonight.

the friendship bench and playground pals are an excellent idea bubble, i will definitely mention that tomorrow. im sure it could be sorted by having a word with everyone in assembly or something, i know several children have started recently so i dont think it would single him out.

thanks for support from everyone

OP posts:

bubble99 · 11/09/2006 21:14

And, gigglinggoblin. He will make friends, anyway. I can understand why you feel upset, though. X

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 11/09/2006 21:15

i know he will, its just he is hating school and i dont want it to last too long! suggestions like the friendship bench were just what i was looking for

OP posts:

AngelaChill · 11/09/2006 21:21

Could you find out the name of his special friend and introduce them properly too ? My DD2 starts next week and I am dreading all this as she's a bit of a drama queen.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 11/09/2006 21:25

yes i could try that angela, is worth a go

is your dd staring reception? if so i really wouldnt worry, we had no problems with either ds at that time, i think its the fact that he has moved into a group which already has established friendships so he is on the outside. reception kids are all in the same boat

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theheadgirl · 11/09/2006 21:31

good luck gg, we moved when my dd2 was in y2 and it took her a while to make friends, not helped by the fact that dd1 was an immediate hit as the "new girl" in her class.
I will be honest and say it took a couple of months, but things improved when I told the teacher, who took a few girls aside and asked them to think of who might need help making friends. Apparently, they sat and thought and came up with my DD2s name and then she had lots of kids to play with. Definately talk to your teacher, i know its hard to see them down.

AngelaChill · 11/09/2006 21:31

That's true, tbh i think sometimes it's a welcome relief when someone new starts, we moved DD1 in the middle of yr1 and she's bonded with a lovely girl and they both now have a best friend where they didn't before. And we don't know any of the cliques or the little arguments that have happened up until now so we can join in with everything without offending anyone.

noonar · 14/09/2006 19:36

did your little boy have friends in his old school? then he'll make them here! his social skills that helped him at his old school are still with him, it's just hard to break into a new group. he'll be fine

noonar · 14/09/2006 19:36

ps could he invite a couple of friends to tea/to the park after school?

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