Is this the right thing to do??

[bluebluecow]

My dd2 is in yr 3 at the moment. She is at the same primary school that dd1 was at throughout. DD1 is leaving to go to high school this year. DD1 has always been really happy at this school and I've had no real major concerns apart from not being happy with one of her teachers. DD2 has never been as happy as DD1 was. There is one girl in her class that she often has problems with and her real best friend moved area so left a couple of months ago. However she does still always have friends to play with and does get invited to most parties etc so is quite happy. This particular teacher that I am not overly impressed with (calling some of the children idiots, shouting horrendously loudly so other classes had to shut their doors, generally not a brilliant teacher) will be dd2s teacher in yr5 if all stays as it is so I'm not thrilled with that prospect. Anyway, DD2 has asked me if she can go to a different school. She is adamant this is what she wants to do. I would never have suggested this as she doesn't seem unhappy at her current school. We have found a lovely little primary in a very convenient location for us that could take her in September and we've got an appointment to look around this morning. DD2 is 8 and quite grown up for her age. She has looked at this new schools website and says it looks great and she can't wait to join all the clubs they have on offer; knitting, art etc. I have told her that it would be final if she moves school and she can't change her mind once done, are you sure etc etc and she seems totally adamant! Do you think we should do it? To add this new school like the one she's at currently both feed to the high school she will be going to so she would eventually be with these children anyway. WWYD?

I can't see a strong reason not to move her.
Reasons not to move are pretty minor: She'll probably get a teacher she likes much better next yr if she stayed, she might not make friends so well at new school, you have to buy some new uniform and get used to the new school ways.

If you put those points to her, what does she say?

I would go with daughter to the new school first and get a feeling.
There might be other problems there too, so do you stick with problems you know of or do you take a chance?
Difficult situation imo.
BTW if the Y5 teacher is so horrible, why is anyone doing anything?

I don't know. There have been complaints made. She was made to apologise to my dd1 in front of me for the way she spoke to her by the head nothing really ever changes.

I've explained all the cons to her about moving school but she's still really keen.

I hope that the visit went well. I think that 3yrs is a long time - would you stay in a job you don't like for that long if there was a better job down the road? Yes they might still be at the same high school but often you can request for people not to be in your class if there are constant problems, so that particular girl might not feature as much at secondary school. It doesn't sound as if the yr 5 teacher will help them sort out the issues either. Hopefully your dd will gain confidence if she moves. She will need to realise though that there are risks involved - smaller school may mean smaller pool of friends.

If she does move though probably best to sell it to her current friends for reasons other than the girl she doesn't get on with. Also encouraging any existing friendships with sleepovers, phone calls etc. to keep the contacts for secondary.

Go the the school. Tell her that it is your/dads decision if you decide that it is the right school for her.

It is very important that she understands that you are in control of this (so that she feels supported and so that in the future she won't feel that she can make major decisions by herself).

Be serious, ask lots of questions at the school. Tell her that you are thinking very very seriously about what is the best school for her.

When/if you decide to move her, tell her in a serious way 'your dad and I have decided to move schools to X. This is because it is more convenient for us, and because we think that the facilities/resoures will be very good for you'. Don't ask her, tell her.

She has made a very Big Decision, and that's great, but she is still a child. It is very important that she feels that her parents are in control if it.

Hope it works out well for you.

I would change schools. She obviously is very aware and knows what she wants. I am a teacher and appalled at this behaviour. However, if it was my child, I would move schools too.

Shocking!

You know your DD - if you think she absolutely, fully understands all the implications and this is still what she really wants to do, then go for it. It's quite an unusual thing for an 8 year old to ask if on the face of it she has friends and is reasonably settled - so it's clearly very important to her.

That did sound a bit stern didn't it!

I'm just trying to emphasise that you sell the decision to her as yours, not hers.

If she feels at this age that she can make decisions this major, then it will be hard when she hits 16 and decides she wants to drop out and join the circus, or get a tattoo like Miley Cyrus, or run off to Glaso when she is 14. Remember what being a mid-een was like ?

I wouldn't take the stance that NN advocates, but not entirely opposite either. There are times I put my foot down & there are times I let DC choose. In this case, you have no real objections to her moving so I reckon let her choose. If you hated the new school or it was very expensive/inconvenient that would change matters.

I think I would impress upon her that I expected her to stick this out for a full year if not rest of primary; moving schools is still a minor hassle.

I think you've got to go with your instinct on this. Visit the other school with your DD, see how you both feel. Have a chat with the HT.

We moved DS half way through Y2. He was extremely keen, we visited the school together, he was happy with the decision to move, on his last day at his old school though he cried (lots, extremely upset) and said he didn't want to move. The problem stemmed from things he was being told on his last day by various people (still annoys me greatly now) but we stuck with it and he's settled in fine. A few hiccups along the way but I know we've made the right choice.

I would let your DD have input yes but for me personally I would state that it is ultimately yours and your dh decision. I think it's too big a decision for your DD to make by herself. Then again I don't know your DD, you know how she copes with big events.

Def go with your instincts. Put it this way, are there any plusses in keeping her where she is?

We have just moved dd's school, she's in Year 2 and wasn't very happy at school. A place came up just after Easter so we took it. It's been a great move for her, she settled in so quickly, it's like she's always been there!

If your child has been unhappy at school, sometimes a fresh start can do the world of good.

I would move her, no question. My parents wouldn't let me move school (secondary) and I still resent it. I wouldn't send my child into an environment that made them unhappy.

We moved dd1 at the same age, it was her choice, we had moved house but were willing to drive her to her old school, she decided she wanted to try the local school as she was not happy where she was. All went well and she has never looked back.

Go with your instincts. We had to move ours and I knew the school wasn't us but there was no other choice. Two years later we moved our children again and the school is much better, still difficulties - though different ones - but the school is supportive and helpful and that goes a long way,

Thank you so much for all your brilliant replies. The visit was fantastic. We were shown around by the Deputy Head who was excellent. Everywhere he went the children were so happy to see him (one even came up and gave him a hug which he clearly wasn't expecting!!) In all the classes the children looked happy and everyone was so friendly. DD is even more keen to go. I asked her if she had any doubts whatsoever and she said definitely no. When the deputy asked her if she had any questions she asked if they had a gardening club as she does this at her current school and he showed her the lovely garden their club had designed. It felt great. The admissions officer is getting in touch with the Pupil Access place for us. The only strange thing we weren't given any real info about uniform, holiday dates etc but I'm sure that will all be sorted. Uniform wise the colours are exactly the same as her current school so I have loads of blouses, pinafores etc that won't go to waste. She is very excited to start but I will let her know that me and dh had a long discussion afterwards and both agreed it was the best move for her.

We moved DD at the start of year 4. Generally happy but there have been some aspects we had not expected with the new school. No school is perfect and there is always a risk. DD was very keen on move, but missed the old school once moved for a short while (she is happy now). I know if I had not moved her, I would have been wondering. Did I do the right thing? How can you tell. All I can do now is listening to DD about what is going on at school and be positive!

That sounds wonderful! Can you find out if there are any classmates close to you to try to set up some playdates/get to know the mums before term starts?