Do schools that actively include shy chdren exist?

[knickernicker]

I feel as if I'm searching for the home frail and nowhere bear finding it.
My dream school for dd would gave a playground buddy system, wound support dd at times when anxiety is high, buil her self esteem encourage her independence and teach the class to include others.
Surely these types if things should happen as a matter of course.
I am in Salford and googling can only find one school with playground friends.
I am doing ny best to support her at home but desperately sad that she us wandering the play ground alone. This us a nurturing, friendly school yet none if what would support dd us in place.
Could anyone give ne any hope that I can start to improve things for her? Apologies if you've heard from.me on this already. I started a similar thread a few weeks ago.

That should say holy grail on the first line.

I guess that you have suggested these things to the school. We only have a buddy system with older children supporting reception children as I think it would be hard to make a peer play with a child in their own class. We also have a friendship stop so if someone hasn't got anyone to play with then they can go there and children will recruit children for their games there. TAs and lunchtime supervisors have training in organising group games to play on the playground. Having said that all of this is aimed at the younger years, beyond infants I think that it is harder to get the children to play together if they don't want to, although dd1 does sometimes say that the whole class played a game together and she is yr4. No where near Salford though!

I thought most schools had these type of things in place now - I am obviously naive. Ours has buddy benches and quiet corner as do some of our other local schools. Have school suggested anything?

How do you know your DD is "wandering the playground alone"?

Because her teachers have told me often.

Most of the schools I know have a buddy system. We have a friendship bench at ours (which only works if a child chooses to sit on it!). If I see a child wandering alone when I am on duty, I will ask if they want to play with someone and then enlist the help of a friendly child. Sometimes they say they are happy on their own and I can't force them to play. I have also set up individual buddies for children who struggle, usually enlisting the help of an older child who welcomes the responsibility.
For some shy children, just the noise and bustle of playtime is a bit much. It's nice to have a quiet area with quiet activities so that there's space away from the noise. We have a set of books in a sheltered area, and drawing materials at a sheltered table in designated 'quiet areas'. These are only used by a small number of children, but they are appreciated.

Ours has a buddy system and also a chill out zone for kids that need to take a break. As has been said I assumed these were all standard. You won't find anything about it on websites. Perhaps ask when you do a school visit. Mine is a shy child too. Not that you'd know it at home. I always get a surprise when I find out he is one of the quiet kids in class who would simply disappear if allowed. All his teachers have been good about making him come out of himself.

Our school do some of the above - in particular the buddy system with year 6 children supporting KS1 in games at playtime and lunchtime. The other thing they do which really benefited my very shy DS was to run a Talking Partners intervention. So children that are reluctant to speak to their peers or to staff are selected to spend some time playing games and having discussions with a member of staff in a very small group. The idea is to encourage the child to find their voice and take part in the larger group.
We are east Manchester so not that close to you though . . .

Thank you for your replies. I like the sound of the talking partners scheme.

Does she do any clubs or activities, either in school or elsewhere? Doing an activity she enjoys might boost her confidence.

I was primary TA, but also did recorder, percussion and computer clubs with children in lunchtime activities.

If your classes have any friendly TAs they can be in a good position to support and encourage shy children.

I am sure such schools are out there. I think DD goes to one (though south of M4)

(DD is in an infants and Junior school system down here with approx 60 in each year).

Yes, there is a friendship bench and some of the yr2 kids are made "play supervisors" each term. They seem to tai it very seriously (my shy daughter seems a bit like the Pied Piper these days so goodness knows what she did) The school also pops a few toys (balls/hoops/skipping ropes into the playground and the lunchtime supervisors encourage the children.
The yr2 kids moving up to Juniors have exchanged letters and met their buddies. EVERYBODY is in the end of year play and XMAS play. EVERY child is expected to participate in assemblies (one class a week does an assembly..each child has to speak some lines out loud , but it can be in a group). I'm not sure that this sort of thing appears on the school website, though. I'm not even sure it pops up in Ofsteds. Maybe ask on your Mumsnet local (I believe other sites for local Mums might exist too).

I'm not sure whether you think your DD isn't interested in forming friendships with her classmates (I suppose they might all be horrible, or all in cliques) or that she just can't figure out how to.

There are a couple of children in DD's Yr2 class who genuinely seem happy to play by themselves (in their own imaginary worlds, quite often). I know one mum is slightly freaked out that her youngest DS is like this but the rest of the class (certainly my DD's group of friends) seem to accept this and still like him...don't query it. They happily include him when he fancies joining in for a while.

Are you a working Mum, or do you manage to do school pick-up/drop-off once in a while? The school holidays are about to start so I think I would ANNOUNCE to DD that she can't spend the holiday without at least one or 2 classmates coming round for a playdate. I feel fairly confident that I have the email and mobile/landline numbers of al DD's class. If you don't have that sort of system, then get it set up. Even if only 5 or 6 families agree, it is a start.

If you are worried that playdates might be a big "fail" maybe offer to take another kid to the cinema (Odeon and Vue do cheap kids films in the holidays)....if you are in Salford there must be a cinema quite close.
Or swimming/summer school clubs etc. They aren't all super-expensive.
I freelance, but I do like offering to take a few kids to one activity if another parent is prepared to ferry to another.

We are in a fairly small town here, but i like the fact that my DD has friends outside school (swimming/ballet/gym etc, but I guess that all costs).

Our school is brilliant at this kind of thing. But it has a rubbish website. So you wouldn't know except by visiting and asking

DS's second primary was fab for this sort of thing. A C of E (we're not religious) village school with one class per year intake drawn from surrounding villages. It all comes down to how much pastoral care is prioritised by the leadership.

Could your DD go to Rainbows as that is socialising outside school but in a more structured way?

Our primary has the following measures:

Buddy bench in the playground
Groups have been put together with a few dc at a loose end to try and form friendships, supervised by TAs to ensure there's no offputting behaviour, develop social skills.
Talking partners - this is where they each get allocated a partner from the class once a week and have to spend time asking them questions, getting to know them.
Buddying of older dc to younger new starters - the older ones enjoy the responsibility and just keep an eye on them at playtime - if they're on their own they'll play with them.
Discussion in class about "loving your neighbour", accepting differences, giving people a chance.
Mixing classes up every year so that the groups and friendships are more fluid so that those at a loose end can get a look in.
On an individual basis, I've been in to see the teacher and she's been very helpful in trying to integrate dd by putting her in work groups with potential friends.

They seem to place a lot of emphasis on kindness, morals etc.

But I don't think you'd know it existed from the website. I think I just got a good vibe when I saw the older dc when looking round the school, who seemed so nicely behaved and considerate of others. I remember thinking how are they going to turn my dc into one of those? But I can see it happening already.

It's a C of E school which is our catchment school. We're nowhere near Salford though.

Is she unhappy?