Does being a stay at home mother improve your child's 7+ results?

[ednaeverage]

DS has just finished reception at a non-selective but academically pushy private pre-prep in west London. I was surprised to learn at the end of year class party that some mums, who are highly educated professionals, have quit their jobs to spend the next year preparing their high performing DS pass the 7+ exams in 18 months. These mums spend a lot of time chatting to teachers at pick-up time and say it's an advantage for their DS to attend the after-school clubs because teachers can see more of their DS performance at the after school Lego clubs, French club, etc and they are in closer contact with their DS's teachers every day. I received a congratulatory SMS from another mum when my DS became a free reader which freaked me out as she had been monitoring what DS was doing in the library after school. Did any mums find it was a disadvantage for their DC to not attend clubs at school but elsewhere? Did any working mums think their children were disadvantaged because they were not in daily contact with DS' teacher? Being a SAHM is not an option for our family.

Prehaps I am not qualified to comment as my children go to state primaries which just did normal key stage 1 SATs. I used to work full time, but I found it was major juggling act having two children at different schools, different INSETS and joy of joy - teacher strikes.

In my experience the attitude of the child to learning has a big impact than whether mummy works or not. If your child is in good childcare then they will not miss out.

I feel its a little cringe worthy to be in daily contact with your child's teacher unless they have behavioural problems or special needs. I don't agree with parents helping out with their children's class as there are confidentality issues.

I help out with a year 4 class and I never discuss progress with the children's parents - its not my place. I did get asked about progress with one parent and I told her that she needed to ask the teacher, but her son was a joy to work with.

Being a supportive parent who keeps daily tabs on your child's school experience (not intensely, and not just academics) is a known advantage for your children's future academically & in other ways. There are lots of successful ways to do that. Find your own way.

Look at Chelsea Clinton. She seems to have done ok in spite of 2 parents working FT at very responsible jobs.

I think it helps for the child to have a parent who is interested in how school is going, whether he is enjoying learning and is happy there.

None of that depends on whether you are SAHM!

Don't worry about other moms and what they do - focus on your child. 7+ is an unpleasant process and I feel sorry for parents of little boys for the amount of work/stress it generates.

From what I've seen from friends with boys - it is important to be realistic - about 7+ vs 8+ for example. Even if you work, you should still find time and sit down with the teachers a school some time in Y1 to see what they think is best for your son and how you can best support him.

Good luck!

Well, I work ft (though from home admittedly), very rarely talk to either dc's teacher - except to say sorry she forgot her PE kit, a nanny picks dcs up most days, I have virtually no idea how any other children in the class are performing, I do care about my own dcs school experience a lot but mainly from a social point of view, though I might sometimes look at a homework and suggest they could put in a bit more thought.

Despite this, both dcs got in to a very selective prep at 7+ from a "good" state primary with virtually no history of sending children to these kind of schools. They weren't tutored either, though I did do a couple of practice papers with dcs in the month before the exam.

I say this not to boast but to reassure you that if your child has the innate qualities the school you're after requires then they'll get there (with of course some leeway on the day) and if they don't, they won't, no matter what sacrifices the mother has made. Now the dcs are at this particular school, most of the mothers work and only a couple are of the "tigerish" variety.

My DC were disadvantaged by me working full time and using a nanny to do pickups.

10 mins twice a year at parents eve is not enough to understand how your child is doing in class.

Can't say from the point of view of results but I am self employed from home and very flexible so have always done school drop off and pick up. My oldest is going into year 5 in Sept and I have always ha texts from other mums who work full time asking me things about school and what's going on and even can I support their DC in the school play etc they can't attend ( which I do with pleasure). I had a lady approach me in year 3 to introduce herself and say that she had always worked ft since her DD was 6 months old and now she had been made redundant and realised she know no one and nothing!!
I'm sure children of ft working mums manage fine but if it's possible financially and you want to be a sahm ( or at least do the school run often) then I think you are in a better position to help your child at school

Sorry if this sounds facetious OP, but the only way to answer that question would be to have identical twins, and be a SAHM for one of them and not the other!

You are being over-anxious, and worrying about things that you can't realistically change anyway. Your DC will do better in life (never mind the exams) if she doesn't have an over-anxious mum.

However, If you do want to be a SAHM, you could always use the state sector.

I never found I had any inkling as to how much DC were doing by being able to drop them off and pick them up at school each day. Yes, of course I could have spoken to the teacher, but parents really only spoke to them very occasionally for specific issues (though I don't live in SW London!). I do prioritise getting to school assemblies and things like sports days (which is possible even if you work FT).

I'd agree with someone up thread who said the best thing you can do to support your child is to be interested in them. Chat to them about their day or the latest thing that interests them (even if you do end up talking mainly about Minecraft you'll be surprised where the conversation can go!). Read lots, both them to you and you to them.

Some of the parents you mention in your OP sound nuts. And their DC sound way overpressurised.

Those poor children, having so much pressure at such a young age.

I work ft and know exactly how my son is doing at school, without having to speak to his teacher every day. We sit down every day, over dinner, and talk about his day, what he has been doing etc. we talk through his homework and I see his teacher every term and understand his levels and his targets.

I prioritise going to class assembley's etc and book time off work and he enjoys going to after school clubs (for fun). He reads every day at his child minders.

He will be taking entrance exams in 2016 for a number of indie Grammar schools and I am not worried in the slightest that, as a working Mum, he will not do well or not feel supported. We have discussed this already and I have told him that I will do all I can to support him and I will be proud of him no matter what the outcome. Yes, of course, I will work with him on areas he may struggle and he will be having a go at past papers, but it will not take over his life. He is only 9 and he should be enjoying his childhood, so there will also be plenty of time for the things he enjoys.

It depends. The main thing is parents show interest in their dcs schooling. I know people who were professional teachers and lawyers but gave up work to be SAHMs to support their kids to aim for selective schools. But I am not good with teaching children I would rather go to work and pay someone else do the support. I think do what you feel most happy and conformable with.