When DC fall out - for good

[redskyatnight]

DS has had the same best friend since Reception (now in Year 5). They have had a somewhat volatile relationship, often falling out and not talking to each other but then making friends again a couple of days later.

But not this time. The arguing has been fairly constant now for a couple of months, it seems they can't speak to each other without insults, they are getting quite verbally vicious and all their mutual friends are being encouraged to take sides. I had told DS to walk away, find other friends, and that someone who is always mean to him is no friend of his.

DS has walked away. He has deleted the friend's name from his mobile :) . He has even made another friend (not connected to his previous friendship group). But he and ex-friend are still in the same class, still have a lot of mutual friends. I can't quite see how the dynamic will work (DS says he spends a lot of time at playtime walking in opposite direction from his ex-friend). I am hoping the exact opposite to all the "class mixing up friends" threads - that they are put in different classes next year, I'm hoping it will give them some space.

Not sure as to the point of this post really. Just wondered if anyone had experienced similar. I really feel for DS who has been miserable for a while wanting his friend to be the friend he wanted. Friend was DS's first real proper friend -seems sad it will end this way.

Might be worth mentioning to the teacher - she might be wanting to separate them but worries you'll complain!

Dd1 had pretty similar situation. Her best friend from preschool days was places in a different form from her at juniors. But in year 3 the bf struggled to cope, so was very reliant on dd1. If dd1 made a friend in her form the bf saw them off at lunch time (teacher's description). By year 4 dd1 got on okay with her form but they didn't see her as part of the friendships there, and bf was similar.

Year 5 was where it started to go wrong. Bf made some friends in her form, and dd1 accepted them, and they were quite friendly with her too. But if dd1 came along with a friend-bf still refused to accept them. Towards the end of year 5 bf started making up stories about dd1 and accusing her of things she hadn't done. At the same time bf kept telling dd1 that the other friends didn't like her and were making fun of her.

Year 6, bf was deliberately trying to get dd1 into trouble, and eventually it blew up big time, when bf manipulated a situation involving other girls (who weren't aware of it) into nearly having dd1 left on her own at school (bf's mum was meant to be picking her up) when I was over an hour's drive away in hospital with dd2.
Db's mum (who sees her as a precious little angel) had to face that one up, as the other parents were telling her, so bf actually got into a bit of trouble.

Thankfully they were going to different schools (I made sure of that). Now in year 8 they probably would say "hello" if they met, but dd1 has no interest in anything beyond that. And ex-bf feels guilty, you can see her squirm if she meets any of us, so she's not going to approach dd1.

Like you, I feel sad that it ended that way. It would have been nice if they had continued being friends, which until half way through year 5 looked very likely.