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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

WWYD - class reshuffle. 5yo ds has no friends with him

17 replies

Suddengeekgirl · 02/07/2014 20:13

Ds is super fragile at the minute as he's just broken his arm so this may cloud my judgement...

His reception intake are being shuffled with the current y1s to make 3x y1/2 classes for September.
We were told they'd be split by friendship groups rather than age or ability.

The children were told of their new classes yesterday and none of ds' friends are in with him! From his class there will be 5 girls and him and one other boy who he never plays with.

From the letter that the head sent out there will be no changing what they've decided on. But I'm miffed as to why ds has no friends with him. :(

Should I go to school and ask about the rationale/ their reasoning and let them know for the record that ds is unhappy?

Fwiw ds is normally very easy going and will talk to anyone, but starting a new class, with older children, and a teacher who is new to the school and none of his friends seems like a lot for a 5yo to deal with.

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MissWimpyDimple · 02/07/2014 20:20

Same thing happened to my DD at that age. I was so upset with the teacher who had urged us to "trust us we know the children". Well they clearly didn't.

It was a tough start to the year. Took about a term for her to settle in and of course it worked out great in the end, but that was no thanks at all to the school!

The head teacher was really patronising about it and it really soured the way I feel about the school.

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 02/07/2014 20:24

What did you do?

I feel like I need to say something, to let them know that he's not happy and they need to keep an eye on him! or just put him with his friends which I know won't happen now

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MissWimpyDimple · 02/07/2014 21:12

I did exactly that. Went to the head and asked for an explanation as to why she had been placed where she was. Then the new teacher was told to keep an eye out for her looking lost.

Basically not a lot you can do. I don't know why they insist in doing this mix-up. DD is in a state of panic as we find out on Friday who she gets in her class again

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 03/07/2014 08:12

I'm going to be that mum today.
I'm going to ask what their reasoning was and tell them how upset he's been.

I asked him today what he was looking forward to in his new class. He paused for a very long time and said
"Making new friends"
I said "but some of your old friends will be there too won't they"
"No, I'm not really proper friends with them" :(

I feel like because of his easy going nature and strong people pleasing tendency his been put somewhere to balance numbers. (I'm sure the teachers thought a lot about it but obviously he's been missed off the friendship groupings)

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Galena · 03/07/2014 08:18

Sometimes it is because certain friendships don't work well in the classroom - over-dominant, silliness or just power struggles. I would have tried to have kept him with at leadt 1 friend though although they may have been split 2-2-1 I guess.

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 03/07/2014 08:20

I would understand if that was the reasoning. But there's never been any hint of that at parents evening/ when talking to teachers. They've always said he gets on well with everyone.

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redskyatnight · 03/07/2014 08:38

Same things has happened to both my DC. They played with their old friends at playtime and both made new friends (who have lasted when their previous friends didn't).

How is the school organised? DC's school di a lot of activities/lessons in groups mixed across the year, so it was actually possible to spend more time with a child in another class than with a child in your own class!

I suspect that it's virtually impossible for schools to manage friendship groupings so that everyone is happy.

Is DS really not happy? Have to admit at that age most of the DC seemed to be shrugging and just getting on with it - so is he getting a "negative" message from somewhere?

tobysmum77 · 03/07/2014 09:06

is there a chance that v they think his current friendship group is too cliquey and that they need to broaden their horizons? 5 is very young to have a set group of friends and also to play with either girls or boys imo. Surely all the children across the year group know each other anyway and play together at lunchtime etc?

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 03/07/2014 10:16

Well I went in and talked to his teacher. She had no idea he felt like that. She was really understanding and said she'd have a chat with him.

Because of the class numbers only 7 from his class are staying together. She said there was no friendship issues which meant he had been separated from others - he gets on well with everyone and will play with anyone apparently. His teacher put him with another boy who is similar ability and they often choose to work together. (Ds never really mentions this boy at home though) Some of the other boys he'll be with (from different classes) have similar interests (in terms of what they choose to play with in reception) and the older ones have similar temperament apparently. So maybe he'll be ok.

His teacher seemed genuinely surprised that he was unhappy.
I think a lot of his angst is to do with his broken arm and it just makes everything harder to deal with. But even so he shouldn't be feeling like he has no friends in his new class.

I'm feeling better that I've flagged it as an issue as I think some reassurance from his teachers might help.

Will have to see what he says at home time today.

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AggressiveBunting · 03/07/2014 11:10

I think sometimes friendships can change very quickly and it's not always apparent how kids will feel about not being with certain other kids. Ds and his bestie have been split in the reshuffle. I thought ds would be upset but he's not. He still really likes the friend but isn't bothered by the split yet he's sad he's not with another kid he's never even mentioned. Can't fathom it.

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 03/07/2014 11:57

You're right aggressivebunting. :)
Ds has flitted about a bit in terms of who his favourite friends are. It would be easier if he was joined at the hip to someone in terms of class reshuffles, but maybe it's a better life skill to get on with lots of people?

Will see how he comes out of school this afternoon...

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slev · 03/07/2014 12:54

DS has the same next year (but doesn't seem to have really twigged yet). When I asked at school, they said they looked at the children that would be likely to cope in a different group - so were more confident with a variety of people rather than one or two very close friends - and felt he would be more adaptable than some of the other children. But they do a lot of activities together anyway so I'm not sure how much difference it'll make - hopefully!

cosmicstardust · 08/07/2014 08:05

We had this too. My 7 year old has been placed in a class for next year in which all the others coming from her old class are boys, and all the other girls in her new class have been in the same class for three years. DD is adopted as of a few months ago, has only been at this school for a couple of months and is selectively mute. She has been split from the few girls in her old class she was starting to speak to, and because of her background is quite wary around boys (apart from the five girls who have been together for three years, whole class is boys). Despite those circumstances, school wouldn't budge. The problem we have is that classes are capped at 20 by law here like infant class size in the UK, so school couldn't move her even if they wanted to, or so they claim. I don't think there's much that can be done about class reshuffles than try to keep DC positive about September really :(

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 08/07/2014 14:43

cosmic that sounds SO hard on your poor dd! I know when I was teaching I always made sure that every one had someone they liked. Hope she clicks with one of the 'new' girls.

Ds has had his moving up morning today so will see what mood he comes out of school in...

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Jellyandjam · 08/07/2014 14:56

We had this situation too when dd moved into year 1. Whilst I don't like to make a fuss about things generally we did speak to the school and explained that whilst we understood having a reshuffle (DH and I are both teachers) we thought it was a bit unfair that she was the only one of her friends being moved to the other class. The school agreed that moving her on her own didn't seem right and in the end she wasn't moved.

MissWimpyDimple · 08/07/2014 16:28

I do think to an extent it's harder forte parents than it is for the kids but none of want to make life harder for our children.

Cosmic- I would be so upset about your DD. I really can't understand how schools for prioritise children who have these difficult circumstances. The same happened to my friends DD shortly after her father had died. You would think they would make it as easy as possible but no!

Original poster

Suddengeekgirl · 08/07/2014 16:33

Well ds came out of school happier than I expected and hasn't had a melt down yet. :)

He said it was good and his teacher and the children were nice. He can't remember what they did this morning, or who he played with but he seems ok. Guess at least that's something positive to remind him about in September.

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