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Original poster

Does it matter if your child doesn't know anyone when they start reception?

35 replies

LucyJones · 08/09/2006 13:32

It looks likely that ds will go to a primary school where he won't know anyone from preschool/play group in a couple of year's time. Will this matter? Will all the kids have friendships already formed?

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gothicmama · 08/09/2006 13:33

dd didn't know any one and made friends i think at that age like finds like

Fimbo · 08/09/2006 13:34

My dd knew no-one when she started in reception. She met a little girl on the first day and has just gone into YR4 - said girl is still her very best friend.

whoopsfallenoveragain · 08/09/2006 13:34

ds didn't know anyone and he seems to be getting on ok with the other kids in the class

Original poster
LucyJones · 08/09/2006 13:35

Thanks, that's really reassuring. It's likely that I'll be back at work full time by then so ds will be in full time nursery which means there's no way I could take him to a play group attached to the school if you see what I mean.

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LIZS · 08/09/2006 13:36

Not at all . dd knew noone, in fact had only lived in the UK for a month. All but her and another boy in the class(16) had attended the nursery together but she made friends very quickly and a year on you couldn't possibly tell.

Marina · 08/09/2006 13:36

You will find that the other children know each other and, more significantly, so will their parents. But at 4/5, friendships are at the earliest stages of formation.
Ds went into a reception where 12 of the 15 children had spent a year together at nursery. It required some gritted teeth effort on my part to hack my way into the circle at school gates time, but he didn't seem to mind at all, and had no problem making friends.
Three years on, some of the children whose parents tried their hardest to keep as "best friends" are just playground pals. IME the real, lasting, chosen friendships form during Year 2.

tissy · 08/09/2006 13:37

my dd didn't know anyone, as we decided to send her to the school near where dh and I work, rather than the village school.

She can name some of the children in her class, but doesn't yet have a special friend. She did tell me that she plays alone at playtime, because she doesn't know anyone, but her teacher assures me that this isn't true!

GeorginaA · 08/09/2006 13:37

My ds knew quite a few from nursery before he went. However, the friends he's formed at school are completely different to who his friends were at nursery.

I think there's a whole different dynamic at school so don't worry, I'm sure your ds will make lots of lovely new friends

SKYTVADICT · 08/09/2006 13:38

My DD didn't know anyone and it was something I worried about a lot.

There were lots of children who already knew each other but I'm not sure whether it was by accident or design that when they did 1/2 days they were split from their playgroup friends so had to make other friends. After two weeks by the time they all did full days they were all friends, my DD included, and two years later going into Yr2 she is in a group of 4 best friends and I do coffee/out in town nights with their mums!

I'm sure your DD will be fine but its hard not to worry.

SKYTVADICT · 08/09/2006 13:39

I meant your DS sorry!

Jimjams2 · 08/09/2006 13:39

ds2 has just started reception without knowing anyone- he's loving it

noonar · 08/09/2006 13:42

good to hear it hasnt been an issue for jimjams and others. dd1 starts on monday- yikes!

mummydoc · 08/09/2006 13:43

my daughter went in to reception as the only girl in a group of 7 who had not been at the school nursery , first few weeks she was a little quiet but now is fine.

singersgirl · 08/09/2006 13:43

DS1 didn't know anyone and we had only been in the country for 6 weeks. He was fine within a week or so.

DS2 only knew one boy well, and a couple of siblings of DS1's classmates by sight, last year, but he has made a couple of 'best friends'.

Mateychops · 08/09/2006 13:58

My DD has just started, and knew nobody. She dragged me round the playground on the 2nd day to introduce me to her new friend and invite her to play. Felt like v.pushy mum, but at least other mum was understanding. She still has days when she says she talks to the puddle at playtime, but these seem to be getting less. Maybe Puddle is the poncy name of a class mate? And her sister Pool?

welshmum · 08/09/2006 14:00

My dd has another week to wait before she starts and I'm getting more anxious for her, worrying that friendships may be established before she has the chance to join in. Daft I expect but part of the whole process of settling her and me into the new phase

Original poster
LucyJones · 08/09/2006 14:43

good luck Welshmum - really hope it all goes well xxx

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CJinSussex · 08/09/2006 15:57

We only know one other girl going to my DD1 school. We did get opportunities to visit the school towards the end of summer term (most reception teachers arrange something). We had several story afternoons for the new reception children and at the last one of these I handed out invitations for all to come and play 2 weeks before the new term began - 10 children and parents came and we sat in the garden for a couple of hours. It was fun and DD1 has learnt the names of a few new classmates.

But at this age they can make friends in seconds - like when you're at the seaside! So don't worry!

iota · 08/09/2006 16:01

I agree with the others - when ds1 started school he didn't know anyone and loads of the others had come from the local pre-school - it really didn't matter one little bit - he soon made friends.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 08/09/2006 16:01

DS1 knew 2 children from his nursery when he started primary school - neither of them ever feature in his conversations about school anymore.

noonar · 08/09/2006 16:04

quick hijack-cj, where are you? we're in brighton, btw.

tortoiseshell · 08/09/2006 16:05

PLaygroup - ds1 knew one other boy well, didn't really make friends with any other children (he is the sort to play with one person at a time), although he bumped along with them ok. He spent all the time playing with his friend.

REception - knew nobody, has made one fantastic friend - they've been best friends all year, still best friends now they're in year 1. Also, lots of lesser 'best' friends iyswim. So it was much better to know no-one imo, as I think he would have not bothered to get to know anyone.

As far as mums go, there were two definite groups of mums, and I knew none of them, but found a friendly group, and I now chat to pretty much all of them.

Issymum · 08/09/2006 16:05

I second Marina. DD1 went into a Reception Class of 19 children last year where all but 2 or 3 of them had been in the attached Nursery. DD1 has been absolutely fine and has gone into Y1 friendly with everyone but with a firm group of 3 friends. I meanwhile took a look longer to hack my way in socially - clearly not helped by being a WOHM.

KBear · 08/09/2006 16:12

My DS started today and didn't know a soul - he went in happy and came out happier! I think they make friends easily at this age.

binkacat · 08/09/2006 18:09

DD didn't know anyone when she started reception. She took a term to settle in I would say. Even her class teacher said to me that the first term she was beginning to get a bit worried about her. But she had lots of friends by/soon after Xmas. But the first few weeks she kept coming home and saying that nobody was playing with her, etc.
I think the thing that helped was inviting different kids over for tea. She got to know them on a one-on-one basis. I also had to explain to her that if noone was playing, she needed to go and ask someone if she could play. Bless her, she was waiting to be asked.