Class reshuffle- is there any point complaining?

[cosmicstardust]

DD's school is reshuffling the classes in her year for September. Only her year is being reshuffled, and this is the first time since her older cousin has been at this school that they have done it in any year group. They are apparently trying to address some 'imbalances' in the existing classes. There are three classes of 20 in her year- we are abroad and have different class size regulations than in the UK.

DD has been at this school for a couple of months, since we adopted her- so already there's been a lot of change in her life. She hasn't settled into school well and is selectively mute in most social situations, we've also had various issues with her classwork. There are three girls in her class she has recently starting talking to on and off, and will play with at recess. If she can't find these girls when she gets into the playground she will wander around by herself. We were told about the class reshuffle last week, and that the kids would be called out of class and asked to name two friends they would like to be placed with next year. No guarantees that they would be placed with all of these, but the school would do their best to place them with at least one. I did pick-up the day after the letter about this came home, and pointed out to DD's teacher that there was absolutely no way she would name two friends to a member of staff if called out of class. I was told to ask DD at home and write down three names, then send it into school in an envelope and that could be used instead. We did this- I handed it over to the teacher the following morning.

They had their 'induction afternoon' today in which they move up into their new class for the afternoon, then bring their new class list home at the end of the day- we had no way of knowing who would be in DD's new class until we picked her up today. She came home in tears because she has been split from the three girls she has started playing with. Her teacher wasn't available to talk to about it. Comparing the new class list with the old one, she is the only of the girls from her old class going into her new class, and one of six including the boys. Given that they have 20 to a class and her current class is boy-heavy I can see how it's worked out like that. However, DP and I are both concerned that this is a bad move both socially and emotionally speaking in DD's case. She's already coping with a lot of changes, and just as she's started to interact with some of the other kids she is going to be split from them and sent back to square 1. Is it worth complaining, or will they just dismiss it? As an added complication, this school year ends on Friday here, so if we're going to complain about it we're going to have to do it tomorrow. I'm worried it's just going to be ignored in the last week of the year chaos. Any advice would be appreciated.

Yes - teacher here. Complain ASAP - I would do everything in my power to keep your daughter comfortable in school.

Given what you have said it sounds as though dd has had enough to deal with. Do complain in my opinion if you don't ask you don't get

Yep-definitely go in and request it. they may have forgotton about the slip of paper and the other girls probably mentioned each other rather than your daughter if they could only give 2.
The only way it would have been done intentionally would be if the other parents had requested their child not be with yours but this seems extremely unlikely in your case!

Agree with all. discussing this with school will ensure that you've let them know that you have concerns and then should things unfortunately not go your way you can refer back to your doubts previously raised. Pop something down on paper beforehand because we can all get emotionally involved in these discusses, as expected from any caring parent and this can cloud our thoughts which need to be lucid when talking about something you want resolved. Good luck.

Normally I would say that your child will be fine and adjust to the new set up But given the circumstances I think you should speak to the teacher about it.

DP is worried they will fob us off with 'if we did it for DD we'd have to do it for everyone' :( While we do get that there will be other kids upset that they've been split from their friends, DD does seem like a special case. We were wondering that about the paper being lost too, especially since this is the first time they've done a reshuffle. I did hand it over personally in a clearly labelled envelope though!

When I saw your thread title, my first reaction was 'they can't all be with their best friend- deal with it'.

But actually, I think you have every right to complain. From what you say, your DD is probably one of the least able to cope with change and being away from friends- therefore her needs should have been considered at an early stage. I think at the very least, they should explain to you why they have made this decision- they may have a reason.

You need to really, really spell it out for them.

Explain about attachment issues and how they are impacting on your child and her educational achievement.

Explain that adopted children have great difficulty with transition, and the school have a duty to support her with this.

Explain how she has experienced more loss than the other children, and is likely to experience the splitting from friends as further loss and compounding her sense of rejection.

It is quite likely that you will know more about these issues than her teachers, so go in positive, explain, and be firm. Do not entertain any comparisons with other children, they are simply not relevant.

Normally I say let the school decide, the child will get used to it...

BUT in this case I think you are right - maybe more of a meeting request than a complaint but it sounds like your dd has had enough change and deserves a break.

good luck!

Normally, I would think, they have to deal with making new friends and the teachers have swapped classes for a reason, but YANBU.

Your dd has had enough change and she should stay with the girls she is friends with, I'd go in to the school and complain/ask ASAP. Good luck!

I agree with everyone else - I wish I'd made a fuss over this for my DD 2 years ago as the upheaval it caused has lasted a long time and it's a lot harder trying to rectify/claw back that progress made before. In your DD's case, there is a much stronger case to argue that this needs to be changed.

I just managed to speak to DD's teacher the day before final changes were made and my timely intervention then has avoided a repeat of what happened 2 years ago. I'm very relieved that I managed to avoid what you are dealing with now as it's really hard dealing with the fall out. Good luck - I really hope you get this changed for your DD's sake.

Theres really good reasons for your dd to stay with those girls at this point in her life. Its really important and the school need to understand this. I would complain and complain some more.

I'm not a teacher or an adoptive parent, so I have no experience, but if I was a parent of a child who'd have to swap to enable your child to have the class they need, I would want my child to swap, no question. So don't let school fob you off with 'can't change it now due to impact on others' . Not sure if that makes any sense!

Yes as a teacher l would say go and complain and state that your daughter has become close to those particular girls, which they should realise is really important! I hope that you get it sorted!

I definitely think you should ask for her to be with her friends. I am amazed that they haven't done it. It must have been an oversight. Some parents are very pushy. You are not being pushy enough. Ask the school to provide what your child needs. It's easier all round for the school to know.

no they wouldn't have to do it for everyone - she has special circumstances, in the same way if a child had a specific learning difficulty that meant they needed whatever then that would be taken into account. I think you need to push this.

I normally go with the like it or lump it approach, but in your case I think you have some very valid reasons.

Perhaps don't think of it as complaining, but just wanting a chat because dd was extremely upset after the taster day and we're very worried about her settling next term. Then clearly state what the issues are.

Even if you get nowhere, they will at least be aware that she needs extra support with settling in.

I have known people go in and ask about it. Sometimes they get moved, sometimes they don't. Maybe it depends if someone else in the other class is also wanting to move.

I regret not going in enough with regards to my shy dd. They can get a bit lost in the system if they're quiet.

Do speak to the school.

I went to a school where they mixed us up every year. I didn't have many friends, and always seemed to be split up from any I made in the year. I was a good and quiet child, so they probably didn't even consider me when trying to break up problem friends. I found it very isolating, and it made me an easy target for bullies.

And I didn't have the additional problems that your DD has had in her life. (Bless her!)

I spoke to her class teacher when I picked her up yesterday, she told me she had been told to tell parents the new classes are non-negotiable and the decisions have been made with the kids' best interests at heart I've arranged to speak to the principal when I pick DD up later today- we're several hours behind the UK time wise. As today is the last day, I think either the principal is going to want to deal with it so she can go home for the summer or dismiss me completely. I do suspect they've deliberately delayed sending home the new class lists until the last week of the year- apparently they've had a lot of complaints. Not sure what to do if the verdict is no really, the more DP and I think about it the more we think school can't possibly have made this decision taking into account DD's best interests.

Well I don't see how that's in your DD's "best interests" either.
Good luck with the principal.

Spoke to the principal this afternoon. Apparently they have made this decision thinking it would be best for DD- she and the class teacher are arguing that DD hasn't settled into her current class and made any real friendships, so a mix up next year is exactly what she needs. So not sure why they bothered making sure she had named kids she wanted to be with next year really DP and I are concerned that a mix up is exactly what DD doesn't need, given she's already struggling, but is at least familiar with a few girls in her old class. These concerns have been dismissed on the grounds that even if they did think there was a case to move her, they apparently can't put more than 20 in a class if any of the other classes in that year are under 20, and all classes are currently at 20. So moving DD would involve moving another child, and they 'couldn't move another child without ensuring they had friends in the new class' DP and I are both not happy about it but not sure what else we can do about it really.

That's horrible.

I had something similar happen here. Ds was in a different pre school to the school he was going to in September, but a lot of children from this preschool were going to the school. My ds was the only one placed on his own in a class when there were enough kids to make each child have a friendly face in their new class.

I discussed it with the school, head of intake, foundation leader and eventually head. Ds was put in a different class. They really didn't want to, but I really persisted. If they won't budge, do you know the next level up to go to? Here it would be board of governors, local authority, maybe.

What's the situation there?

That sounds horrible.

However, is it possible that the girls she likes are actually subtly bullying her? Unlikely perhaps, but the only explanation I can think of of the school's otherwise inexplicable behaviour.