DS and best friend being split up for Y1. Feeling sad.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

DS is 5 and in reception. For Year 1 there is a class reshuffle so all the children were asked to name 3 children they would like to stay in their class for Year 1. My DS named his best friend and 2 others, his best friend named him and 2 others. But I found out yesterday that they are being split up and they will stay split up now thoughout primary school.

I'm really sad and I know my DS will be devastated. I haven't told him yet and I'm not planning to...they will find out themselves in 2 weeks when they meet their new teacher. Or should I tell him before this?

I understand the reasons why his current teacher thinks it's best they be seperated as they do tend to distract each other and they already have to sit apart in class so that they pay more attention, but I can't help but feel it's harsh to split two best friends up at the age of 5. I mean would it be so difficult to sit them apart in Y1 too if necessary?

I'm not going to appeal it as I do trust and respect the decision of the teachers, but I can't help but feel that although this teacher (who I think it brilliant) has their best interests at heart and wants what is best for their learning potential, she is very young (early 20s) and has maybe underplayed the importance of the children's friendships which I think do a lot for helping a child feel happy and settled in school. Perhaps I am being unreasonable (but I am feeling a bit emotional about it as I only found out yesterday) but I'm not sure a teacher who is also a mum would have split them up. Or maybe they would, I don't know.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I'm not criticising the teacher so please no abusive responses, I'm just feeling for my DS and wanted to write it down. If anyone has any advice on how to break the news to my DS that would also help

Haven't had time to read all so sorry if its a repeat.
Firstly he's very young and their friendships change a lot over the next few years.
I'm a teacher and a mother and if they are a serious distraction to each other I'd split them.
They'll see each other at playtime.
Definitely tell him before it happens, he'll need time to get used to it.

OP - friendships will change so much over the years. Either this one will last, or it won't - whether or not they are in the same class in school.

Part of what school teaches us is social skills - the ability to mix with and get on with people you wouldn't necessarily chose to be your friends. Sometimes you find you do make new friends of these people, sometimes you just learn to get on with them, and you stick with the old.
DS will be fine, as will his little mate.

He'll be fine, honestly.

DS's school mixes the classes every year. They don't ask the children who they want/don't want to be with and the first time the classes are announced is on 'moving up day' when they spend the afternoon with their new teacher and come home knowing who will be in their class next year.

Speaking to the teachers they make the decision based on friendships (positive and less positive), ability (to give mixed classes) and girl/boy split.

It works. DS has been disappointed that he wasn't with his best friend although I guess they would be an absolute pain in a class together but has made new friendships and developed a much wider circle of friends that feels much healthier.

Be bright and breezy, don't make an issue of it and support the school's decision would be my advice.

My children were moved around in year 3 and then again in year 6. Some children had managed to stay with friends from nursery all the way through to the year 6 change around, but then they were no longer with the special friend. All hell broke out then as you can imagine. I could never follow the logic of the year 6 move because this happened just before the 11+ exams but there was no rhyme or reason to the changes. My child, and others, were swapped around, whilst these others stayed together through 8 years of education. We just thought they made more fuss about it so the school didn't dare move these favoured children around! Whatever the thinking, it was disruptive to change in year 6.

No, don't mention to him anything you've been told in confidence before all the children are told.
Yes, be matter of fact / bright and breezy about how it will make no difference as they work apart anyway, and can still play together at playtimes, lunchtime and outside of school if they want to.
However, at this age, dc tend to play with whoever is near them, so just because he is close to this boy now, doesn't mean it's any great loss to not be in the same class next year.

I meant to add that schools feel, and I think correctly, that children should have a variety of friends. Children feel very deeply if their only friend has to move away. It is like a bereavement. You should encourage him to have a wider friendship because you never know whether the other family will move on in the future. I think the school are being sensible in this case and he should gain more friends by this move, especially as it is early in his school career.