What is a reasonable expectation of a meeting with the head, at this stage of my dd's primary school education?

[ProcrastinatorExtraordindaire]

Advice would be very much appreciated on the following situation...

My dd1 is in year 6. I have a meeting with the head on Friday. So dd will only have 4.5 weeks left in the school at that point.

A situation has developed over recent weeks, where a girl in dd's class has started bullying dd.

This girl (let's call her Emma) is regularly in trouble with the teachers. She is known to be nasty to others. She has in recent months, stood on tables and sworn at the teachers, told them they are rubbish, disrupted lessons by throwing things across the classroom, walked out and hidden, which resulted in numerous teaching staff having to go looking for her. She wears make up in class despite it being against uniform rules. The make up gets washed off/confiscated but she appears after break/lunch with a full face on again. Her mum and teacher have regular discussions at pick up time about her current behaviour and attitude, be it positive or negative.

In recent weeks she has started causing problems for my daughter. Spreading rumours that my daughter said racist things. This was investigated fully by the teaching staff. I had a telephone call from the school, informing me of the investigation and the outcome. No one had heard dd make these racist comments. The teacher told me she did not think dd had made any of these racist comments. I had a copy of the incident paperwork posted to me which states that dd was a 'target' of a 'one off hate incident'. It does not however state that dd was found to be innocent, or that there was no eveidence to back up the racist allegation. Dd informed me that this record will be in her file and going with her to secondary school.

The two girls are both going to the same secondary school. Emma is now saying that she will make dd the least popular girl in secondary. She is making nasty comments to her about what people have said. Thankfully dd is handling it much better than she usually handles emotional upset. She is a very sensitive girl due to past trauma in her life, and has had a lot of input from various sources including the learning mentor at school. I think all that work has finally paid off, which I am obviously delighted about.

If Emma and dd were going to separate secondary schools i would probably not go to the head. I have approached dd class teacher but i think i caught her at a bad moment and she didn't really want to know. In the past i have found her dismissive about the most basic of things, eg informing her of appts to explain dds upcoming absence. At times I have found her approachable. When I heard about Emma threatening to make dd the least popular girl I emailed the head to try to eliminate this progressing into anything bigger.

But now I am not sure what is reasonable to expect him to do at this stage of her primary school life.

I need to have a clear idea of what i expect him to do to prevent this escalating, in order to not turn into a gibbering wreck, or come out of the meeting feeling dissatisfied with how it went.

Added to prevent dripfeeding...
This is all complicated by the fact that I know Emmas parents quite well. We used to be quite good friends. But i have withdrawn from that relationship over the last yr/18mths due to Emmas behaviour and the impact on my own children. We are now generally just chatty at the school pick up rather than getti g together outside school. I have spoken to Emma's mum over a cuppa about the recent incidents, but she admitted that they are currently tearing her hair out with Emma's behaviour and attitude. At the age of 9 she was like a teenager in the midst of the associated teenage angst. They just doesn't know how to handle it and is considering family therapy counselling etc.

So after that essay, has anyone any suggestions of what I can reasonably expect the head to say on Friday, and do for the rest of the term?

Argh please ignore spelling and grammar errors, on phone and hard to proof read.

I think it is good that you are meeting with the HT because they will be handing over to the Secondary School. What I would be asking about is what information will be passed to the Secondary and how the transition will be planned and handled.

I agree I think you want to make sure the Head will hand over appropriate information to the secondary school.

If the school is saying that your DD was the 'target' of a one-off hate incident, that would strongly suggest to me that they are saying she was the victim.

I can see that they might want to pass this information on the secondary school, in case of any future incidents.

I would simply ask what the secondary school is being told.... but it doesn't sound as though there is anything to worry about.

Oh, and it's reasonable to expect that your DD will be supported for the last few weeks of junior school, so she will leave with good memories.

Our local secondary school are currently planning tutor groups, which will be, in part, based on info from primary school, so it may well be worth asking now that they are put in seperate forms, preferably in a seperate half of the the year if your secondary school is large enough. there will be so many more children and so much more going on that with the distance this child hopefully wouldn't be able to affect your DD too much.

I would ask the head to ensure that new HOY is aware of problem. I would ask him or her to deal with the behaviour. Emma should be spoken to and given a formal warning that her bullying is unacceptable and must cease. I would also investigate whether they could be in different forms and if possible on different halves of year group so they will not meet often.

Thank you all. Your points are really helpful. I wondered if I was being unreasonable/pfb, but I can't just ignore it either.

I am writing a list of questions and points to make so I don't lose track in the meeting.

Thanks again.

It would be useful to know what information is passed from primary to secondary. However, I think you should contact the secondary school (Head of year 7) and explain your concerns. Do not leave it to the primary head teacher. Secondaries have a transition program for year 7 entry which varies dependent upon the school. You need to ensure the secondary is aware of any issues and what you want them to do about it.Requesting your daughter to be separated from Emma is not unreasonable and I think most secondaries would endeavor to support you in this case.

As a Y6 teacher I have already had my transition meeting with the Head of Y7 (it was in May).

In your position I would also contact the Head of Y7 to discuss form groups and also to ensure the girls have the least contact possible. Is the Year group split into two for timetabling purposes at all? The Head of Y7 will also want to know of any potential bullying problems.

You absolutely need to follow through on this. Speak to the head of her current school, and also the head of her new school.

Do be aware that the school cannot tell you what actions they are taking with regards to the other student, due to primary school. They can only discuss your daughter and the incidents. Don't go in the meeting saying 'what are you doing about Emma?', go in with the approach of 'what are you doing to keep my daughter safe?'. Good luck OP.

Yes, I would definitely make the HT aware of your concerns and it wouldn't be at all PFB to do so. I would also contact the appropriate person in the secondary school (HoY?) but would ask the HT to also contact them in advance so they know that your concerns are real and justified (they do get some hysterical calls!)

Sorry that the class teacher isn't interested, she may be at the stage of winding down for end of year. SATs are over and it's difficult to keep order all the time. I had a similar one-off incident when DS1 was close to the end of Yr6 and luckily his class teacher did take it seriously and at the time I remember her saying it is a perennial problem with Yr6 at the end of summer term. They think they are all grown up, too cool for primary, finished with exams, and it leads to all kinds of trouble. Obviously what you are going through is more serious but I'm just saying that any decent school should take this kind of thing seriously. Your dd needs to go into the summer holidays with a positive attitude towards secondary and not with this hanging over her. Have they had their taster day yet?

Hello Procrastinator:

My DD1 is going up to senior school with a few good friends but also two kids who aren't her favourite people.

I think talking to the primary HT is a good thing - but I also think in terms of 'moving up' to senior school at some point you should be having a parent meeting with your DD's form tutor and you do need to raise your concerns with the new school. You also are well within your rights to ask that they be separated as much as possible - which is usually easier to organise in secondary school.

I think it would be helpful at this meeting to establish with the primary HT that this incident has you concerned and that you wish to know whether the primary are making it clear to the new school there is an existing problem between these two students in your child's individual transfer report.

In terms of your child's remaining few weeks in primary - I think all you can do is explain to the HT that you would like your DD to leave primary with happy memories and would appreciate it if staff could ensure that incidents such as this are not repeated.

Finally - going forward - as you enter senior school your DD may have to cope with negative e-mail/ social media posts. It is crucial that you and she understand that any abuse on any of these platforms is reportable and can involve the police.

Here is some information about what you/ your child should do regarding cyberbullying:

www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/partner-zone-zurich/cyberbullying-top-tips-schools

www.helpguide.org/mental/cyber-bullying.htm

One of the good things about this brave new world we find ourselves in - is that when your child is picked on on twitter/ facebook/ pinterest/ etc.... you will have hard evidence of this (rather than the usual she said/ I said discussion with a 3rd party (usually SMT) who wasn't there and has to be fair to both sides).

Going forward it is important for your DD to understand she shouldn't fight fire with fire - but that she should report incidents immediately.

HTH

y6 teacher here and we have had all our transition meetings now.

In your position I would contact the head of y7 (during transition meetings, many said they had already been contacted by worried parents) and explain that it would be better for the children, and the school if they were separated.