school response to ongoing bullying is to say 'there is nothing more we can do'???

[firstchoice]

Background:

ds, repeated Y1, has always suffered outandout bullying
(kicking, spitting, stealing glasses from etc etc).
Has been at rubbish school where this is not addressed.
Many of the children bully and are bullied and it is not addressed.
HT said of X, the child who has been bullying mine, 'Well, X's mum doesn't consider it bullying' after he had pushed my son off a wall and broken his glasses and hurt his knees and elbows.

The result of this is that my son is now SO sensitised that if X even sniggers at him / calls him 'stupidpoopid' he gets upset.
He rarely shows the upset at school anymore as he has learned he doesn't get help anyway.

ds was assessed as being ASD 2 years ago but the school deem that 'irrelevant' and local nhs not interested either (the assessment was nhs but not from our area).

At a meeting yesterday, the HT referred to a recent incident when food was stolen from ds lunchbox and thrown around the dining room. For once, it was dealt with, and the child was made to apologise (by letter) and missed break. Ds told us it was X. At the meeting HT said it was in fact Y, and either we or ds were lying. She referred to a 'signed statement from the teacher involved' and the 'apology letter from Y'. I asked to see them (she had them in front of her) but she refused.
I was stunned, tbh.
Upon re-questioning ds last night, he said it was X. When I gently asked, was Y involved too he looked devastated and asked if he was in trouble. I said no, but it was very important only to name someone if he was sure they were being mean to him. He said it is both X and Y - they often say things together / similar things and he gets them muddled sometimes in his head. I have seen him confuse children from his class before, so has H.

School are now saying they 'cannot help him' and want Ed Psy involved.

Do you think this is an appropriate response, please?

Firstly get hold of a copy of school's anti bullying policy and make sure school is following it.

It will complicate things if your ds' ASD leads him to misidentify normal interaction as bullying (although lots of what you describe is not normal interaction) or makes him identify the wrong child but the Heads response seems totally dismissive.

Having someone observe him in class and at break/lunch times may be useful I suppose.

Have you considered changing school?

The school do need to do more - whether that is with or without the Ed Psych's input. It seems that they are acknowledging they are struggling if they are looking to use the Ed Psych. But they need to stamp on bullying irrespective of either the victim (or the propagator's) special needs. If they need to supervise your DS more in the playground to help him learn when something is bullying or when it is accidental then they really need to try and put something in place to do so. DS1s first school refused to do anything until he told them directly he was being bullied (it didn't matter that other friends were saying it was happening). In the end I pulled him out and found a new school.
DS1 has AS and he finds it almost impossible to tell if people are teasing/joking/being malicious/someone unintentionally bumped him as they walked past or they deliberately pushed him etc.
People with ASD also often have prosopagnosia - an inability to recognise faces. DS2 with ASD runs up to random children convinced they are somebody else. I can't recognise my own children in school amongst all the other pupils. Again if this is an issue it maybe something that an ed psych can help with putting strategies in place to help your DS.

BarbarianMum -
no, they are not following it.
I have previously asked to see the Director of Education (after the time my son was 'brought down' on the playing field by two boys 4 years older and had his glasses stamped on and then thrown on the roof.
The LEA referred to it as the 'claimed incident' of bullying. I have been 'all the way' to the top of the LEA and they are simply refusing to acknowledge the bullying. It is not just my son, they are many other kids being badly bullied too.

LittleMiss -

Interesting re the prosopagnosia. Ds will be in a playpark 40m away and start chatting to a kid on the climbing frame, thinking it is someone from his class. He is devastated when he finds it isn't. RNIB were brought in two years ago but, because he recongised his sister when she waved as she walked through his class, they said he doesn't have it. I think he might well. I certainly do, though I am not dx'd.

Both school and Ed Psy (tame to school) refuse to acknowledge ds has ASD so will not put strategies in place as they are 'not needed'.

In light of what you've said here honestly I'd move him (possibly both of them). Sounds like a dreadful school and your ds is extra vulnerable.

Not recognising ASD ffs!

If she doesn't consider it bullying, push her off a bloody wall and break her glasses.

What a fucking joke of a school!

Yes, it's dreadful.

Yes, I want to move them both.

I was just totally blindsided by this nonsense yesterday from them and wanted to know if others felt it to be odd / unreasonable too.

I have seen 2 schools.
Both rural, and First/Middle/High systems.

One is in a village we could never afford to buy in.
Rental is okay but it is inherently unstable and ds simply doesn't cope with that. He still gets teary over a tree that was cut down by mistake when he was 4 so I don't think he will cope with moving from house to house during the rest of his childhood.

One is in a village we could afford to buy in.
Middle school for next 4 years.
But High school after that is boarding (only 40 of them) due to geographic remoteness. It has a good name for AN but I am a bit nervous.