once a victim of bullying, always prone to be a victim of bullying?

[JimBobplusasprog]

My y3 boy has been happy and full of confidence until this term. Now, every day he is coming home upset by another child. The bullying is nonpphysical - disrupting games at playtime; destroying stuff ds has made, teasing, etc.

The school know. Not sure if they believe ds as butter wouldn't melt in the bully's mouth. Ifbthey sort this out will it go away? Or will ds just end up being someone else's victim? How can I hwlp him? He's quite sensitive, very academic and a bit too much of a smart alec sometimes.

I think this can happen but it also doesn't have to happen.

What can you do to prevent it? well I think the only thing you can do is to build his confidence.

Does he have a hobby or activity he is particularly good at? that can help as it gives him something he can achieve in which will make him feel good about himself.

when he does something good/kind/helpful etc try wording your praise along the lines of

you should be very proud of yourself, look what you have achieved because you tried hard/worked/persevered/trained etc or were very thoughtful and so on

you obviously can also tell him that YOU are proud of him but HE needs to be proud of himself for him to process his achievements internally rather than feel he needs someone else's approval. Does that make sense?

my 2 are incredibly oversensitive and both have had problems with bullying. Interestingly with the same children even though one of my daughters is older than the children. As she isn't in their class she has managed to come out of it all and seems unscathed but DD2 is in the same class as them and she is always down on herself as a result of it all. They aren't necessarily still doing it, I can't work it out any longer to be honest but after months of verbal comments she now reads too much into every situation and I am trying very hard with the above to try and get her to ignore them and realise she is better than that.

horrible but I believe it is possible to rise above it with confidence and maturity (and time)

Emphatic no from me!

Much like your DS kids were picking on him verbally - calling him a boffin etc, chasing him but never actually physically hurting him.

He was miserable. Under a little black cloud.

DS was bullied in year 4-5 ( and probably a but in year 6 but by then he had " bully proofed" himself).

What happened to change things?

We talked to school - that helped somewhat, but they clearly belittled a bit as " just teasing" as maybe it was really but to DS it wasn't.

We took him out of cubs ( the ring leader was the cub leaders son and in the same group - interestingly DD2 left cubs bullied by his daughter!) and got him a voice trial for the local cathedral.

Being a chorister got him a group of equally clever boys with a common musical interest and singing lots was amazing - he went in under an eyore type black cloud and came out smiling!

He is a bit of a literalist. Certainly then he believed a lot of stuff he read in books. A book called " bullies big mouths and other so called friends " basically gave him the strategies to " bully proof " himself. And, as he was convinced they would work they really helped.

Those 2 things got him through years 5 and 6 at primary. Yes there were black cloud days but he coped.

From year 7 he absolutely thrived and hasn't looked back. He went to grammar school and boffins were respected (especially if they are musical - never a moments trouble for that, and happen to hurl themselves into rugby too!). Dunno how he'd have been in a non selective school.

Long saga- suggest get the book- read it, believe it, use the strategies. Find an out of school and away from that group of kids hobby and do it often. Talk through and reinforce good times/ good days and keep on the back of school if it keeps happening.

Thanks for the book recommendation - I have now ordered it. Ds does have things he's good at: music andd acacademic work. He's the only one in his school really into music so it doesn't help his self esteem much to know he plays a couple of instruments pretty well. He will be moving school in September (oddly enough to be a chorister) but will be boarding so I worry about him being bullied and away from home. Hopefully a fresh start will help. It's all changed so suddenly I can't believe how miserable this boy has made him.

I suspect once he is at boarding school with other choristers he will be in 'his world' so to speak, with people who share his music passion, it will make a huge difference to him.

He is obviously very talented in music.