Any experience of young boys (age 6/7) having sexual thoughts?

[worriedmummy007]

I do not want to know if you think DS should not be having these kinds of thoughts and ideas.

I do not want to know if you're curious where he's got these ideas from. I do not know. We don't have TV, videos are closely monitored.

I just want to know if you have any experience at all of this kind of thing? DS is 6 and has told me that he has thoughts about girls which when you take away his childish descriptions, sounds a lot like sex. I don't know where he's got it from. I have had a chat with school (imagining that they would either know that some children were discussing it or at least have some advice) - but they have no advice and are instead "very concerned" and I've come away thinking that she now sees DS as being a pervert.

Does anyone else have any experience of this?

What do I do? Does it stop? Will he become a sex pest and forever be under the watchful eye of his teachers now?

They've asked me to speak to the school nurse as they obviously have no experience of this with a child so young. She said exploring bodies is fine, but having these kinds of thoughts is not.

I know this must be incredibly difficult for you, my heart goes out to you, however I am unsure how will it help you and your son if someone comes on here and says, well yes this happened for a while with my son, and then it stopped, or conversely, now he's having x, y, or z problems?

What matters is your son's story and what has led him to this point, therefore please read the list below - it is taken from the Parents Protect website. They have a helpline too and I've linked to that further down.

It sounds like you were hoping the school would be able to explain where your son had gained his understanding of the mechanics of sex, perhaps from overhearing older children for example?

I sincerely hope that the staff you spoke to were not thinking your son is a pervert - I would hope their concern is the same as mine - which, as a parent and someone who has previously worked for years in children's social services, is that adult sexual knowledge in young children can be an indicator of abuse.

Equally it may not be (for example a child may walk in on their parents having sex, may find an older siblings magazine etc.), however I advise you to speak to a professional who can help you and your son through this so that you can determine how he gained this knowledge and then act accordingly.

If you do not want to call your local social services then the website I linked to above have a help line for advice and support.

I have included the 0 - 5 because he is only 6 and the ages are guides.

Pre-school children (0-5) years commonly:
Use childish ‘sexual’ language to talk about body parts

Ask how babies are made and where they come from
Touch or rub their own genitals
Show and look at private parts

They rarely:
Discuss sexual acts or use sexually explicit language
Have physical sexual contact with other children
Show adult-like sexual behaviour or knowledge

School-age children (6-12 years) commonly:
Ask questions about menstruation, pregnancy and other sexual behaviour
Experiment with other children, often during games, kissing, touching, showing and role playing e.g. mums and dads or doctors and nurses
Masturbate in private

They rarely:
Masturbate in public
Show adult like sexual behaviour or knowledge

In doubt the teachers are thinking of him as a 'sex pest' - more that sexual language or actions at such a young age can be a sign of abuse. They may be wondering what is going on that they don't know about.

I'm assuming from your op that you don't think this is a concern so I would have these questions:
Is he showing any signs of puberty? Perhaps he is going through precocious puberty. I do think sexual feelings start earlier than we think but older children keep it private.
Does he seem liking to try and act on his feelings?
Do his feelings worry him?

Talk to him, reassure him but make sure he understands about appropriate touching. Be as certain as you can that he hasn't seen or heard anything that has inspired this.

Personally, especially if you see any signs of puberty or something like frequent erections, I might try the doctor. I am a teacher myself and I don't think we are experienced enough to help.

Worried, I'm sorry to hear this and hope you seek further guidance. sorry I don't have anything useful to add, but diamonds advice is so calm and well informed. Thank you diamond

I think the advice above is good.

I would however suggest that instead of resting on a 'I don't know' (about whether there could be an external influence) you do need to continue to try to find out. Or at least remain alert to the possibility.

I'm not really sure what you mean about having sexual thoughts but i would be concerned if he seemed to have knowledge of Adult sexual behaviour.

Have you asked him? Gently of course, but it may just be that another child has said something to him or show him something.

What is he actually describing because we don't know from your description whether or not it could be something else?

Op I am thinking the same as Wellthen. If it was my DC I would do some desktop research probably consult a relivent forum and check with my GP or health visitor.
My dd2 when she was age 6\7 she had a huge curiousty about how babies are made. She understands it is some things that people do if they are in love. She got all her biological knowledge from an educational human body book that she read repeatly many times. Also it was during the time dh and i were going through seperation. She is not that interested in it any more.

Morning - thank you for your responses.

He says that when he's touching himself, he thinks about girls ("I just love girls mummy") and that he thinks about putting his willy in their bottom.

He means that bum, which does imply that he's over heard something and misconstrued it - he's an only child, I'm a single parent - he has walked in on sex, but 2 years ago when he was 4.

When we've spoken about it, he has told me that he thought the things up himself though he had also "touched willies" with another boy in the toilets at school recently.

I was not overly worried about it. I've told him that he can have thoughts about things, and that it's good that we can talk about it - but only to talk about it with me when we're at home.

I'm going to talk about the NSPCC PANTS thing to him - but leaving it until he brings it up again as I don't think that starting a conversation about it again would be a good idea as he may think he can get attention from it and that would be VERY BAD to happen as he would play on it (I def know this is correct).

I feel like school have over-reacted and they are trying to arrange an appointment for school health to speak to me about it. Just the head's face and her telling me how she is "very concerned".

When I spoke to her about it, I explained that I had told him not to talk to anyone else about it but me and then only when we are in the house - and then he came back from school cross that I had spoken to her (she had initiated a conversation about it and asked him questions following an "incident" (read normal play with friends) during the day) - I had to tell him that I had told her so that she knows that I've told him not to discuss it at school which is arguably a better stance anyway.

We have spoken in the past about no-one touching your body or seeing your bits - unless it's turned green and I have to take him to see the doctor! And will chat about this again (PANTS) when he initiates the next conversation.

He isn't touching other children and I have told him that he can have thoughts but it is important not to act them out. School now say that he is exhibiting sexualised behaviour (kicking boys in the nuts etc) which has been their normal play all year! It is a very boisterous set of boys in his class and they're all about kneeing in the nuts and rough play. I told her that she's seeing things that aren't there and reminded her that many of the boys are doing that behaviour - not just mine.

Just wondered really if anyone else has had any experience of this?

I have no idea about this "when he's touching himself, he thinks about girls ("I just love girls mummy") and that he thinks about putting his willy in their bottom." as I have no experience in hearing anything similar. Perhaps he is just saying this and doesn't really understand what he is saying? On the other hand, there might be more to it.

However, I have a few boys and from my experience, it is not uncommon for them to show each other their bits in the toilets at some point. After all, humans are curious and lets face it, willies are quite funny things. Boys also grab each others "goolies" or kick each other in the nuts. It is what boys do to get a big reaction out of each other during rough play. I don't think that kind of play is sexual at all - it is macho bravado rugby player style and it is quite fun to them to make each other yell.

Which is my opinion Migsy - but head teacher now sees it all as sexualising play

Perhaps you should show her this.
www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/comedy/comedy-news/10889108/Rik-Mayall-remembered-by-irreverent-blue-plaque.html

However, it still might be worth a chat with the school nurse as it does seem that he talks in a little more detail about sexual matters than would be expected for his age.

I don't have any experience of bringing up boys and I don't known your little boy personally. It does depends on how he says or expresses his thoughts. But sorry and may be hurtful to say to you I would feel uneasy about my dc playing with a child or anyone who is constantlypre-occupied with sexual ideas. If he was my child I would consult my school nurse or gp for advice. Please accept my apologies if you find my comment offensive.

Not at all sunsout - I would be concerned too if the child was "preoccupied" with the thoughts.