Help!!! DS starts reception on Monday and still has number 2 accidents

[billybump]

I'm hoping someone out there can help me. DS starts reception on Monday and is really looking forward to it, but is still having problems going to the loo. Instead of realising he needs to go and rushing to the loo, he realises he needs to go and tries to stop it coming, holding it in. I have to spot that he needs to go and tell him, and even then this can happen 3-4 times per day. Once on the loo, he's fine and can clean himself etc. We have been to the doctors and got health visitors involved. Doc prescribed a laxative (Docusol because Lactulose didn't work). The HV just said to lay off the pressure and let him work it out for himself using the laxative. For a while it worked, and we got a routine going but since DS left nursery 2 weeks ago we have just gone backwards. He's even had the odd minor wee accident and he's been dry for over a year.
I know he's a bit apprehensive about school, and he has had a tough year (we moved twice in one year and he had to change nursery, plus some stress between me and DH iykwim) and he understands what he should do (and has even proved he can do it)but it says something that it's now 5.20 am and I'm posting this thread! DS even told me that he wants to do number 2s on the toilet so that the other children won't say he smells ! What can I say to him to reassure him? BTW he has a good diet so that's not the issue. I'm sure it's a psychological thing.

Oh, poor little thing, it's awful when they worry about things like this. I'm sure that the teacher will be quite used to this sort of thing; if you explain the situation, and the 'signs' that he wants to go, hopefully he or she will be able to intervene before there's an accident. But I'm sure that lots of children have accidents when they first start school - it's quite a stressful time. I would agree with the HV that being matter of fact about the whole subject seems like the best idea - then hopefully it might reassure him that it's not such a huge issue.

One of my children also had a psychological problem, long after they could physically go to the loo. It is really frustrating isnt it.
Is he 5, does he have to start reception yet? (appreciate that you may not be in a position to choose)
Does he really do no 2s 3-4 times a day? Can you get him into a habit of doing one after breakfast, and then he might not need to while he's at school?
The only thing that I can think of to say to him is...nothing. Just to try not to make an issue out of it, and hope that he grows out of it quickly. Send him to school with loads of clean clothes, nappy wipes etc so that he isn't scared of being caught out, and generally try to make him feel relaxed about it - easier said than done, I know!

Thanks for the advice. Yes, the 3-4 times a day is part of the problem. He seems to have forgotten or lost sensitivity so it doesn't all come out at once (yuk discussion I know). That's where the laxative comes in. We did have him going just in the evening for a while which was great. Guess I just have to reassure as much as possible. I will ask the teachers to watch out for the signs though - goes quiet, appears very interested in something and stands with legs rigid and hips pushed to one side...
This has been going on for 15 months now so I am a bit stressed by it! It's getting harder and harder not to let him know how much it worries us.

billybump, my daughter is also about to start school. she has also had problems in this area, but it has now resolved. in brief the problem was:
constipation due to illness
fear of pooing
holding it in
poo geting even harder to pass
resulted in trip to casualty with severe abdom pain
enema given
given lactulose for medium/ longterm use.
The reason for my post to you is that the doc said to use lactulose longterm, to avoid poo build up,but we found that after the pooing- anxiety subsided, it was time to stop the laxative. the reason for this was that dd was suddenly needing to poo, at we had no time to get to a loo. we had no accidents as such, but i did have to resort to taking a potty out with us! is it possible that the need for your ds' laxative is no longer so great. could they be rendering him incontinent? just a thought, but how about weaning him off them for a trial period?

Hi noonar. He has actually had a trial away from the laxative - he had a hernia op a couple of months ago, so I kept him off them then and have tried to get him sorted without going back. So really the reason for the lapse in routine is due to that, but out of sheer desperation we decided to try again with them. We are getting a repeat prescription this week to get the rhythm re-established. He's definitely not incontinent though - more that he has lost the sensation which can apparently happen. One helpful HV told me it can take them up to a year to get it back - really hope that's not true. Thankfully he is only at school half days for the first three weeks, so I'm hoping I can get this resolved before he starts full time.

Also, fistfullofnappies, you're right. I don't have a choice in our area about starting him later. He is only just 4 (Aug baby) but has to start now with everyone else. If only we could delay it till we can get him sorted. At the risk of starting a whole new thread, for circumstances like this it would be great if they delayed the younger ones starting for a term, like they used to!