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Primary education

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DD (yr2) not coping with war topic :(

8 replies

fuzzpig · 25/05/2014 21:15

DD's current topic is about the past (sort of a general looking at the differences between various points in history and now) but as a sub topic they've been learning about Britain during the war. This has not in any way, AFAIK, looked at the actual fighting and death etc, but things like rationing and how toys and games were different.

However it has set off DD's worrying which relates to death and the world 'ending', she is getting really wound up at bedtimes. Today DH took her out and the town they went to (where she's been numerous times) had a war memorial which they walked past, she was telling me about this and got really upset just now. We put her 'sleepy songs' playlist on the laptop which we do when she can't wind down herself (sometimes that, sometimes classic fm). She noticed one of the pieces is called War Song and we played it - she has heard it before and likes it (it's really gentle) but this time she was crying so much she couldn't speak, only nodding when I asked if she wanted me to delete it from the list.

I have managed to help DD in the past by subtly teaching her very basic CBT techniques - for example when she's worried about something particular going wrong I'll help her look at 'evidence' from previous times that shows it was fine. Also helping her remember positive achievements to help her persevere with things she's nervous about or when her work is tricky etc. That kind of thing has worked really well. But this 'world end feeling' as she calls it has me totally stumped. I don't know what to do.

The school knows she gets worried, she has done the nurture group stuff, but it seems to be escalating :( she told me she got upset at school the other morning - this has not happened before, it's usually only at bedtime it all spills out.

Do I approach the school again? What else could they do?

OP posts:
OnlyOnSundays · 25/05/2014 21:32

Oh dear, poor thing! In year 2 we study the Great Fire of London, The Gunpowder Plot (with a brief mention of GF's execution) and the Crimean War to explore the work of Mary Seacole and Florence Nightingale. We also discussed the crucifixion at Easter. So lots of war, plotting and death. I think the junior school's Year 3 topics are WW2, plus Ancient Egypt - so more war, battle, death myths, etc. Thankfully we have just had a few children worried by the Magic Granddad video over the years, but none as worried as your DD, so it is an unusual case.

If she has been to the nurture group due to anxieties I would definitely suggest speaking to the teacher again. They are obviously aware of her concerns and need to know it is actually escalating. Sorry I can't offer any suggestions or solutions, but keep talking to the school and if it gets bad speak to your GP who may be able to make suggestions or make a referral to someone who can help.

fuzzpig · 25/05/2014 21:52

Thank you. I just feel so sad for her - and TBH like I've failed her. I am anxious too, in fact both DH and I were major worriers as children, but then, both of us were abused (I only mention that to show we don't really have a 'normal' frame of reference IYSWIM). I struggle with anxiety now but try so hard not to let it affect my DCs.

I will go back to the teacher after half term. I did mention a really bad night last week but unfortunately it was the supply teacher (who has her once a week and also was her teacher in yrR, she is fab and was lovely about it) so need to really discuss it with her main teacher. I guess I should ask to discuss it without DD there though.

OP posts:
OnlyOnSundays · 25/05/2014 21:58

Yes, I definitely suggest you talk to the teacher without DD. Talking about your concerns in front of her may make it worst.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 25/05/2014 22:41

yes definitely talk to them without her present.

I know quite a few Yr2 children who find some of the topics hard to get their heads around. I think for some children it coincides with different levels of awareness, perhaps the initial awareness that life isn't all lovely and happy and safe. I know a few who have had nightmares so she isn't alone. I would anticipate DD1 being the same when she gets to those topics too.

that doesn't help you at all but just thought it might be nice to know that she isn't the only one. perhaps she is affected more than most but there will be others.

tallulah · 25/05/2014 23:08

I have a really clear memory of being 6, sitting in the bath and thinking about my mum and dad dying, and crying my eyes out. It is pretty much my only memory from that age.

My own DD is 7, in Y2 and doesn't seem too bothered about anything they are doing at school, but her friend is getting upset by the song Grandfather's Clock.

Loveleopardprint · 25/05/2014 23:26

What to do when you worry too much by Dawn Huebner is a really good book that I have used with my little worrier! Teaches the child to cope with anxiety in a relevant way for them. It is available on amazon. Really helped my dd.

sunshinecity17 · 25/05/2014 23:59

Death of themselves and their parents is a very normal worry in children of 3-6 ish .It will soon pass.

teacherwith2kids · 27/05/2014 23:07

Just sending sympathy. I well remember a whole series of these when DS wass 6 - including the sinking of the Titanic, every possible war, etc. He wasn't even in school for some of it (HE for some of Year 1) so it isn't necessarily a 'school topic' thing, more a 'becoming aware of the world and dying' thing.

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