yr school play to 300 strong full school assembly audience..... wwyd?

[tricot39]

Ds painfully shy and has anxiety issues but has been asked to say a line in a school play like all his other classmates. I am sure others will baulk but ds could take this really badly at a point where he is getting confident about school. On the one hand i would prefer to let him get on with it, or not, but he was unable even to say "Hello" and his name to a group of 20 friends this afternoon. In nursery he lay face down on the floor to avoid the play they did there last year and afterwards got very panicked when the class was taken to the hall for assembly/games. He could probably stagger through being on stage without lines but having to say something could really upset him. I was going to see if the teacher would let him avoid speaking. I dont like asking for special treatment but it is a massive audience to fail in front of - many adults couldn't do this so why are they asking 5 year.olds to? Anyway should we ask? Or keep quiet?

I would definitely speak to the teacher. I had similar issues with DS2 through most of primary. The school were very supportive and dealt with him very sensitively. He either had a non speaking part or a technical role( switching on and off the CD player ).

dd2 is year 1 and they are doing a play in class assembly next week.
The kids were all given the choice if they wanted a speaking part or not. Teacher made it very clear they could change their mind and have a go. But no-one had to.

My friend's son has ASD ad his role was to be in charge of the CD player and turn the music on at the right moments (he doesn't like being on stage)

Good schools understand and are flexible, while encouraging them to take the next step. Talk to the teacher.

I think that most 5 yr olds don't have the inhibitions that a lot more adults do, so the comparison isn't really valid. I think it's a really good thing to teach children to speak out clearly, and to speak out in front of others whilst they are young, before they first have to do it as an adult and then freeze up.

Obv - was answering your general point about many adults couldn't do this so why are they asking 5 year.olds to?^

In terms of your ds - yes, I would have a quiet word with the teaching staff (out of his hearing) and explain what he was like in Nursery, just as a 'heads up' he might struggle with this - you say hecould take it badly, but then, if you were optimistic, it could be that he'll do just the same as his peers and it will give him a real boost. However, the teaching staff knowing means they won't pressure him if he seems to be struggling.

Our school has them up at the front all the time, it is very relaxed and no pressure, kids get stuff wrong/forget lines and there is no pressure. It is great actually, they are all learning NOT to be inhibited in front of others.

But if your child is very shy, then a brave step for him may just be getting up on stage.

My previously shy eldest dc stunned us at the age of six or seven by having a prominent speaking role in a school play without even telling us - the first we knew about it was on the night.

Sometimes it's different for them, doing things in a school context with their classmates - nothing like as big a deal as we would see it as.

It may not seem that much like a performance to your ds, and more just another thing he's doing with his class that happens to have some other people in the room watching.

It's worth letting the teacher know but I wouldn't rush to get him stopped from speaking before he's had a go - it could be completely different from previous similar events.

Like moose, I have a ds who went from point-blank refusing to take part in his nursery play (and spending the entirety of it with his head buried in his teacher's lap) to, at the age of 6, taking on the lead speaking role in the Xmas play at primary school. He recently got an 'outstanding' in drama at his secondary...

It's not 'failing' to forget lines/not say lines/refuse to get on stage at all - it's part and parcel of primary school plays. Everyone watching will understand if it was to happen, and no one would be pressuring your ds.

However, you know him best, and maybe a quiet word with the teacher would put your mind at rest. They could keep an eye on him and see how he does in rehearsals - if it's too much then I'm sure there will be another kid happy to take his line. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time.

I agree with back for good and steppermum. My DC aren't overly confident but here in Australia they all get up and join in class assemblies in whole school assembly regularly. DS (5) got up in front of 350 people and said a line, while DD (9) did a reading - and has done various other things in front of her school of 700!!! I think it's brilliant as it just encourages them to have confidence and see it as normal - I wish I'd had those opportunities at school - my public speaking skills and confidence have only improved in my early to mid 30s as I have needed and practised them more. I would have found it far easier to feel fine with it at an earlier age.

I would stay out of it as long as you trust the teacher to react appropriately if he bottles it at the last minute.

Another message of hope here!

dd1 loathed and detested anything that involved performing. She was better with reading from a script (was the narrator in the Nativity, when she was in Y2) but still had to leave the stage half way through because she felt sick. She once (again in Y2) auditioned with a pal in front of just the Head and a few kids, for a school talent show, simply because she enjoyed the creativity part of it all - but was utterly horrified when she got through to the finals, and cried all over the place and couldn't go on.

It took until Y5, but slowly and surely she has grown in confidence (thank you school) and chose to audition for a speaking part in this year's play - and loved every minute of performing. I would seriously not have believed it possible.

My way has been to ask a little more than dd's comfort zone from her, but not to overwhelm or force at any time. Her teachers have supported me in that. I wanted her to feel encouraged, but not bullied iyswim. A middle path.

Good luck, but just hang on to the fact that it often - usually - does get better for them!

Should add - aged 5? Not a hope! I wouldn't force a 5 year old, either. But I do remember dd's Y1 teacher leading her on to the stage with a microphone, holding her hand and encouraging her while she announced the title and welcomed parents. And dd felt good about it, because she felt safe and encouraged - not forced or scared.

Could your ds maybe say a line with someone else?

I would keep quiet. The teachers walk the children through these things lots of times and will practice on the stage. Your DS will probably be fine but if the teacher sees it's going to be a problem then I'm sure they will have a plan B.

Agree with Steppe that no-one expects perfection.

Has your ds expressed any issues with it, or are you assuming?

If he's expressed issues then, mention that to the teachers, if he hasn't then let them get on with it.
Children do surprise you-my painfully shy dd1 will get up on stage and sing solo, in year 6 she was given one of the main 4 parts out of 150 children. However, saying "hello" to comeone she knew very well could sometimes be beyond her.

From watching my dc's forms, the child who hid under the bench and refused to look up in year R, whispered their line in year 1, while refusing to look up, said his lines loudly and confidently in year 2. And the child who took one look at the parents and burst into tears in year R, had one of the main parts in year 2.
If you don't let him try, then he may never get beyond the "I can't".

And most of the school with be just "oh it's year R aren't they cute..." so he won't be getting hassle from them if he does not do it.

Another way to handle it would be to ask that your child shares his line with another, ie they say the line together. That way he knows there will be a backup.

Our school does that with the shyer speakers in assemblies etc until they are ready to move on to solos.

I think most teachers would be happy to get another child to speak with him or to give him a non-speaking part if they know it's going to be an issue, I'd just mention quietly that you are worried and tell them how he reacted at nursery, the teacher will probably have had shy children in their class before and will have some plan of how to handle it.

Thanks all. DH asked about it today. Not all the kids jave speaking parts so presumably they thought DS might manage esp as he can readhis line and wouldn't have to remember it in a panic. The back up plan is for one of the teachers to be with him/nearby and if he falters ask if he wants to say the line. If not she will say it. Fingers crossed we dont have a repeat of last year - he has come out of his shell a lot and it would be a shame if this made him retreat....... But we will have to wait & see! Thanks again

My DD1 was like this. She sobbed on stage during a nursery production and when she started school in Reception took half a year to warm up enough to even participate happily in movement and music classes. Gradual exposure throughout her Primary school years has changed her and last Christmas, in Year 6, during the carol service, she did a reading in church to hundreds of parents and children. I had to fight back tears. She'll never be the most gregarious child, but she has developed an inner confidence over her ability to do this thing that others take for granted.

I have marveled at the ample opportunities primary schools now give children to speak in front of their peers and parents, compared to my school in the 70s and 80s. Whatever he ends up doing, and however he ends up performing, speak to him afterwards and give him lots of praise and remind him that he did it (whatever small amount of his fear he managed to conquer - even if just standing on stage in front of others) And if anyone else forgets their lines or doesn't perform to plan, use it as an example of how the world did not fall apart because of it. look for teachable moments

The whole school loves the reception assembly. The parents because they are proud of their little ones and the rest of the bigger school children because, as my year 4 son puts it, "receptions are sooooooooooo cute". Whatever happens, everyone expects someone to forget their line or be unwilling to say it, but will get a huge round of applause at the end!

Our reception children perform in front of the whole school (similar numbers) too but nobody would have to speak (in fact not many do). Definitely ask, I'm sure it will be fine.

And he'll probably be fine in future years. My oldest dd was virtually mute in school until she was 7 but she was Gretel in Sound of Music with an amdram society at 6 and would sing and dance in front of any number of audience right from age 3 or 4. She's still very shy and quiet at 11 but has performed professionally. As long as she's on a stage she's a total exhibitionist. Ask her to stand up in front of the school and read something out or make an announcement and she'd probably faint!

I think it is best to let him try and be supportive. I think it marks children out when Mum makes a special case for them. Would he want to be left out when everyone else in the class is saying a few words?

I would speak to the teacher quietly and just make her aware. He may surprise you and be fine with wanting to do it or he may not. Do they do show and tell etc at school? children make great progress with building confidence through little steps so like has been said perhaps he is currently only ready to stand on the stage rather than say something or he could say something in a group or help a teacher. I think they will want him to be up there in some capacity because he will only build his confidence if he does do things but I can understand why you don't want it to be forced and cause him to panic. If the teacher is aware then she can monitor his reaction in practices and given the behaviour she sees daily at school and make a decision based on that. A good teacher wouldn't want to upset a child.

Have you spoken to your DS about how he feels about doing this?

has your ds mentioned anything about being worried about it? Firstly lots of children who are very shy and quiet come alive on the stage because they are hiding behind being a character.secondly it doesn't matter if he forgets his line or is audible.Nobody expects much of 5 yr old amateurs.

When I do my assemblies, all the children are given something to say - even if it's just holding up a picture or model and saying one word. I can't remember the last time anyone didn't say their word - usually they are very excited to share their work. Set high expectations and they usually deliver.

Well thete was a moment where his teacher thought he wasnt going to say his line...... Then he just came out with it clear as a bell. I think the difference was that it was rehearsed so he knew what to expect, whereas at the weekend when he couldn't say hello it was completely impromptu. They all did really well and at the last minute had added bits in so that everyone had to say something. Only 1 couldn't manage. So sweet!

Love a happy ending. Bet you were bursting with pride.